Back Again and a Venting of Financial Frustration

[chrisgermany]

Could your wife run a daycare from home or start day camps on arts for kids during summer?

This thread would probably have more traffic if you ask the moderators to move it to "Finance"

[fidgiegirl]

I second EVERYTHING people have said above about the car, etc. And it sounds like some of that advice can be taken and some cannot.

I am with Float On. My two cents is that if you have truly cut all you could, to do your best to pay less to the medical, particularly the services already received. Your family needs to keep that house over its head. That secured debt needs to be prioritized before any other. I know this is maybe not the most ethical thing to do, but to get a little bit political here, the fact that you are basically in this situation because of a medical emergency shouldn't have had to happen to you, either.

How about finding a sliding scale fee clinic for the OB/GYN stuff? And as for prepaying the birth (I'm honestly feeling terrible writing any of this) what are they going to do? Make the baby hang out in there until you pay the bill? Having the birth being prepaid isn't going to matter one iota if your house is going into foreclosure and that little baby is going to have to live on the street. I see they are rolling that into the monthly OB/GYN payments. That's frustrating because it seems like you are being blackmailed into paying in order to get prenatal care. Pregnant women can go on Medicaid . . .

The best arrangement would be to make arrangements because I suppose not paying it is avoiding having a worse situation later but it's better than losing your house!!! But desperate times call for desperate measures.

I really feel for you. Your post makes me realize that you can do everything right and still end up in a terrible situation through no fault of your own.

Realizing my post has been pretty negative, I also want to share a few more positive ideas.

If you have a computer and your wife has graphic design skills, how about getting involved with a site like Cafe Press? They will print up items with her design on it and she gets a cut. I believe there is no upfront fee to sign up.

On Etsy you can create digital items for sale, though there is a fee to list them, something it sounds like you are in a bad place for right now.

Putting some designs she's already done on stock photography/image sites?

Also, are you eligible to get any assistance for your stepson's needs? You don't say how severe his autism is, if he uses a PCA can you and your wife "be" the PCA and get paid for it (not even sure if people do this, thinking wild here)?

My two cents and thinking of you.

[leslieann]

Holy cow, yes, under the circumstances consider Medicaid for the pregnancy. Most states have developed different guidelines for pregnant women than for others: Kelli is absolutely right that finding alternative care or getting the medical establishment to back off makes sense, particularly if your housing might be at risk. Call the health department and ask about free prenatal care at the health units. My DIL does this care in North Carolina (she is a nurse-midwife). Even if they say your wife doesn't qualify, keep on asking. And try to keep having fun as a family. This is a financial crisis but it doesn't have to turn into an interpersonal one. I am wishing you well.....the struggle is there but it will not be forever.

[Amator]

Thanks for the support everyone! I don't have time for a detailed response right now as I'm busy at work, but I'm going to share this thread with my wife and we'll discuss your advice. It really means a lot to know I have people rooting for us. I should be back with a detailed response tonight or tomorrow morning.

[reader99]

Over the course of an eventful life I've had many occasions to "retrench", as my mother used to call it. Previous posters have addressed most of the big stuff like car payments. It can't hurt to call your car and home insurance companies and ask about ways to reduce your premiums. I took an online driving safety course and reduced my car insurance premium.

For extra earning, see www.marketforce.com and volition.com.

Walgreen's has monthly specials that are free or nearly free after rebate, often for things like grooming products. What you don't have to pay out you don't have to earn.

I dry clothes indoors on a collapsible wooden drying rack and on hangers on the shower curtain rod. They dry faster with a fan blowing on them.

I use baking soda as toothpaste, deodorant, facial scrub (gently!), and shampoo (google "no 'poo" to see how it's done). Very inexpensive and minimum packaging in the landfill.

The blood bank often gives me a $10 restaurant gift card when I give blood. (I usually let them keep the tshirts).

I earn gift cards for a discount store or restaurant from www.mypoints.com

www.about.com's frugal living section has many many excellent cost-reducing suggestions at all levels.

While I hear what you're saying about netflix being a cost effective form of entertainment, the MOST cost effective form is free - games, cards, library books, walks, community activities that are free.

It may be that you have already cancelled newspaper or magazines subscriptions, as I have. If not, most such things are available online now. I check the job ads online for free every day.

Groceries is a budget item that can be quite flexible. I found which store is the cheapest (WMT) and get most things there. Then I watch Winn Dixie's meat sales and buy only what is buy-one-get-one. House brands are almost always just as good as the name brands, worth a try. Produce that is in season locally will cost less than out of season foods. I discvered lentils a couple of years ago - nutritious, filling, inexpensive. I simmer a pound of them with salt and a small can of (ro-tel) house brand diced tomatoes with green chilis. Drink water.

Sometime in the 80's I stopped buy things that I would literally just put directly into the trash: trash bags. I use paper grocery bags in the big can and plastic grocery bags in the small can. No paper plates, paper napkins. I bought cloth dishrags to use instead of paper towels. I also stopped by dry-cleanable clothing, since it made a one-time purchase into a recurring cost.

This is definitely the time to "eat down" the freezer and turn it off for the summer.

I recently reduced my cell phone costs by learning to text - my plan has unlimited texting but only 300 talk minutes, and I was going over until I started texting for short informational interactions.

[rosarugosa]

Hey Amator, You definitely have my sympathies as well. Here are my thoughts:
Sell the Camry. Inlaws might feel bad, but they would surely feel worse if you were in foreclosure. I suspect if you explained why you were doing it, they would be glad that they were able to help, since giving you the car in the first place shows that they wanted to help you folks out.
Do you get a tax refund every year? If so, you might want to adjust your withholding so that you get more now at your time of critical need, and less later.
Don't let peer pressure get the best of you in the future. Real friends do not think the less of you for not going out to eat when you cannot afford it. Sometimes they can't really afford it either!
I agree with "getting the word out." A recently unemployed acquaintance e-mailed me to ask where to get a particular type of plant ( we are both avid gardeners). I told her I could share that very plant for free, but she had already ordered it from a mail order nursery. I suspect I feel worse about this than she does. It would have made me so happy to be able to share and spare her a needless expenditure.
Good luck to you and your family!

[bigbear]

Amator, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I think the situation can improve by reframing it in your mind. Think of every cut expense as buying more peace. Nothing you can buy is worth being sick over or fighting with your spouse. Here is what I would try to do if I were in your position.

* Sell all cars with car payments. Share a used car with your wife that gets good mileage.
* Get rid of both cell phones. Replace with a shared land line and get pre paid Tracphones to be used just for emergencies.
* Drop the subscription to elance.com.
* Your electric bill looks high to me but I think you addressed this earlier.
* Drop netflix. Check to see if you can check out videos or DVDs from the library. Or borrow from friends and reciprocate with babysitting.
* Make an appointment with the hospital business office director and share your new lower budget along with proof that you've made the changes and ask what can be worked out. I'm in the health care IT industry and I've heard of circumstances where bills have been completely written off.
* Consider refinancing your mortgage. Rates are very low right now.
* For now, focus totally on cutting expenses rather than finding extra income. I think the lack of focus makes the situation seem more overwhelming than it is.
* Spend more on quality food but continue eating at home. Rice, beans, fruits and vegetables. Only drink tap water. You need good health to continue on.
* If there is a CVS or Walgreens, learn how to work their couponing system to avoid having to spend money on grooming supplies.
* If you have a used car, you can drop to liability only car insurance. Reshop all your insurances opting for the highest deductible.
* Do your best to get rid of the payday loan.

I think it is better to make cuts like the ones above to be less stressed out about the situation and to have some funds free just for fun. You and your wife need that. Each of you can make a list of the three most important things you want to spend money on. Then compare. Request from the library "All Your Worth" by Elizabeth Warren. It talks about dividing your post tax budget into must haves 50%, wants 30% and savings 20%. The goal is to get your regular spending down as much as you can to 50% so that some of your money is free for emergency savings to pay for things like car tires and wants like meeting with your friends. It think if you could make these changes, your wife might be able to continue staying home with enough money for everyone.

Once you've tackled the big list above, check out this link for smaller ways to save money that I have found helpful in the past:

http://notesfromthefrugaltrenches.co...n-2011-part-i/

You really can do this. I think by being bold and making these changes, you'll find that your whole family will ultimately be happier. When things get a little easier, you can always move up again if it is really important to you. Best wishes.

[Maxamillion]

I would second looking into refinancing the mortgage. Also, I don't know if there are income requirements, or if so, what they might be, but your wife may qualify for WIC--it would help with the grocery budget a little if she did. As for cellphones, what I have is a prepaid Gophone with a text messaging package. If someone else also has an At&T cell phone, you can talk to them without using your minutes. (It does charge $1-$2 dollars each day you use it, depending on your plan). For family members that don't have an AT&T cell phone, I use the texting. Depending on how many calls to places like the doctor or library that I make each month, I can get by with buying $17-$34 worth of minutes each month, and $5 each month for the text package.

[loosechickens]

Maybe this has been mentioned before.....wouldn't be suitable for your pregnant wife, but if you are in good health, look into the possibility of selling your plasma weekly somewhere in your area......as legions of penniless graduate students know, it's a quick way to put up to a couple hundred dollars in your pocket each month, without damaging your health or taking up lots of time.

I can't remember who it is, but someone on these boards has mentioned selling plasma regularly as a way they make ends meet....maybe that person will see this and come on and post about the process.

[catherine]

You sure don't have much wiggle room. I also think that maybe the hospital would defer/decrease payments until your wife has the OB/GYN payments behind her. Worth asking them, anyway.

One thought for income for your wife down the road--is it possible for her to do family day care? I know she's thinking of working from home part time, but I know from experience that it's HARD to compartmentalize work / family life when you try to work from home with such a young family.

Family day care is exhausting but at least you're just doing ONE THING--not trying to get work done with a baby demanding all kinds of time from you. I have no idea what child care costs these days, but I did the family day care thing when I had 4 kids (2 were in elementary school, 2 preschool), and it worked out well.

Good luck to you.