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Thread: Preparing for death

  1. #31
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Because my husband was in the military he can be interred in our federal cemetery for free and I will cost 400. I already made our reservations). We have friends already there. I visit my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles whenever I go to Wisconsin. The cemetery they chose takes good care of them. The headstones must be flat so the mower can go over it.

  2. #32
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    Because my husband was in the military he can be interred in our federal cemetery for free and I will cost 400. I already made our reservations). We have friends already there. I visit my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles whenever I go to Wisconsin. The cemetery they chose takes good care of them. The headstones must be flat so the mower can go over it.
    Mmmm.. another good idea. I don't think DH ever considered burial in the military cemetery, and he's very proud of his service in the Marines. We have never taken advantage of any Veteran's benefits, so maybe this is one we should look into
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #33
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    Cremate and scatter. "Scattering" the ashes makes me think of being "free", and I like the idea of my ashes going back into the universe instead of a body sitting enclosed in a box for who-knows-how-long.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
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  4. #34
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    You have a choice to be buried or your ashes interred in a wall. They engrave the plaques and you have a choice of what goes on it from a list. Unfortunately no dogs are on the list). There’s eagles though. Filling out the paperwork guarantees you a spot. Thankfully my parents planned their funerals down to the last details as to clothing and writing their own obituary. Everything was paid for.

  5. #35
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Thinking about being comfortable reminded me of when I was in Hong Kong and our tour guide was explaining death customs there. Apparently there it's common for people to be buried with things that they liked/used in life, or at least representations of them. One of the examples she have was that her father had been buried with a toy motorola cell phone (yes, this was 20 years ago, back when lots of people had motorola cell phones) because that way he wouldn't be lonely.

  6. #36
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jp1 View Post
    Thinking about being comfortable reminded me of when I was in Hong Kong and our tour guide was explaining death customs there. Apparently there it's common for people to be buried with things that they liked/used in life, or at least representations of them. One of the examples she have was that her father had been buried with a toy motorola cell phone (yes, this was 20 years ago, back when lots of people had motorola cell phones) because that way he wouldn't be lonely.
    Hmmm. I'd want to be buried with my coffee cup, a pound of dark roast and my bullet journal.
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  7. #37
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Genealogy searchers go to the local archives for records, I believe, not cemeteries in our area. Families visit graves a lot shortly after death but gradually ease up until the annual decoration day and then rare visits at all. Some people are very conscientious though. With our mobile society and multiple relationships, it is hard to know where a person might be buried based on an individual's history. Changes in society cause ripple effects in death rituals as well, I suppose.

    Many old graves are tired and neglected which made my late DH and I decide to skip the expensive gravestone altogether. I planted a memorial tree with a plaque for DH and I maintain a small garden around the tree. When I no longer do this, the tree will be fine by itself.

    A friend advised that once the annual maintenance fee to the family grave in the UK remains unpaid, another body is placed on top. Someone may know whether this is general practice there.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  8. #38
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post

    A friend advised that once the annual maintenance fee to the family grave in the UK remains unpaid, another body is placed on top. Someone may know whether this is general practice there.
    My only experience is with the Kensico cemetery, and my DH always asks the question "How do they make money??" because we don't have a maintenance fee. The entire fee was paid in full in 1965, and they continue to maintain the site. I have no idea if that's the case with everyone in that cemetery, or if things have changed since then, or if MIL chose some type of upfront fee in lieu of yearly maintenance.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  9. #39
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    I wanted to do the military burial for dad and for mom as he served in WWII and she worked at a Navy shipyard during the war so she also served at home.

    He said he did not want that, unfortunately. It would have been fitting, and it would have pleased me, as it would have honored his service and the grave would have been maintained.

    But he wants to be "scattered in a flowerbed in consecrated ground"--to which his rector said, "no way can he do that."

    Which raises another point--lately, I've seen family members in my husband's family, and my ex-husband, where the departed said what they wanted, and the remaining folks have said no, it's too expensive, you're going to be cremated.

    So that raises the point of whether people should honor the wishes of the departed or do their own thing? In my fil's case, what step mother-in-law chose to do was radically different than what he wanted.

    Actually, also true in case of ex-husband.

  10. #40
    Yppej
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    Maybe an argument for prepaying for the type of disposition you want.

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