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Thread: Preparing for death

  1. #1
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    Preparing for death

    I've been trying to plan for death lately, since we seem to be at that stage of life, both me and my parents.
    I bought a funeral urn that I really like so that we're prepared for whoever needs it first. So I have that covered. Those who wish to be scattered can be scattered and we will reuse the urn. I sent it ahead to our new house so it's waiting there for whenever.
    I am wondering what is appropriate burial garb these days. I watched a Grace and Frankie episode where Martin Sheen bought his mother a "smart white suit" although they didn't call it that. My mom was not a smart white suit type. My sil buried her mom in a very colorful silk dress, which matched her personality. I have a wonderful dress from 1967 of my mother's-- I was with her when she tried it on, it was black velvet and she bought it for a New Years Eve party. It was cleaned back in the late 70's and is in great shape. It would still fit her. But my dil said it would be a waste of a wonderful vintage dress, so there is that.

    Do I pick a dress from when she was in court?

    Do you bury your dad in a suit? In his Marine uniform? They both want to be cremated, which makes it even harder to figure out.

    I just want all this figured out and put in a closet somewhere so that I don't have to think of it at the time of. I just want to be on auto-pilot. It was like wedding vows--I just wanted to use the traditional ones, that's why you have things like that, so you don't have to think about it.

    I have an outfit for me and it got sent ahead to, so I should be ready to go if need be.

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    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    If you get cremated no need for clothes unless you are having a showing of the body at the funeral. The funerals I have been to have a picture of the person next to the urn.

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    Do they wrap them in a shroud and cremate them? That seems odd to me, culturally speaking. But sensible, I guess.

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    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    I read they put you in a cardboard coffin box and put you in the oven.

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    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I don’t know what we buried my parents in. I don’t care what clothes I’m wearing when I’m disposed of.

    I suppose you are right though that it is best to have these things written down so that those left behind in a paralysis of grief don’t have to figure it out. I guess I just want to say it’s so damned unimportant what I’m wearing, what happens to my body, that I simply would support anything they want to do. Is that really too much of a burden? Having wide-open flexibility?

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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I don’t know what we buried my parents in. I don’t care what clothes I’m wearing when I’m disposed of.

    I suppose you are right though that it is best to have these things written down so that those left behind in a paralysis of grief don’t have to figure it out. I guess I just want to say it’s so damned unimportant what I’m wearing, what happens to my body, that I simply would support anything they want to do. Is that really too much of a burden? Having wide-open flexibility?
    Huh? I am trying to prepare for what to do with their bodies when they are gone. I want to be respectful of their bodies. What are you talking about "is that really too much of a burden?"

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    Smart to be getting everything in order. DS came in October and I showed him our estate plan. The first thing in the book is the crematorium to use. I went through the book with him so he would know what everything meant.. even showing what to put in the obituaries. He thanked me when finished. We don't plan on having a viewing or any service so that makes it much easier for him. My DH thought it funny that I bought an urn at a garage sales for $1 for me and then asked him what he wanted me to use if he goes first. I can't imagine having to think about these things in the throes of grief.

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    I can't either-- I think it's cool that you found a garage sale urn. And so great that they are thinking this through and telling you son what you want, yay you, that is very thoughtful.

    I got hung up on this clothes thing. I guess I never thought about cremation versus burial and what you do about the clothes.

  9. #9
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Huh? I am trying to prepare for what to do with their bodies when they are gone. I want to be respectful of their bodies. What are you talking about "is that really too much of a burden?"
    I read your post as talking about yourself, tho I suppose it doesn’t really matter Who we are talking about.

    I think it’s a fair question: is it easier for those left behind to have specific, detailed plans to follow for a body disposal OR is it easier for those left behind to know the deceased did not care and anything they do is fine.

    For my dogs, I play each one by ear. I like the flexibility.

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    I was trying to figure out what people are clothed in at their cremation. Apparently, sometime they are just wrapped in a sheet, or in whatever they arrived in from the hospital or nursing home.

    Since my mother's dementia is advanced, and my dad does not want to talk about death, then they are not leaving directives. I will probably not leave a directive but rather tell one of my kids or my daughter in law so that they don't have to figure it out.

    Since my dad has been recommended for hospice, I'm trying to get some of these details thought about now so I don't have to do it later.

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