Preparing for death

[razz]

Well for DH's passing in late December, the funeral home picked his body from the hospital, transported to the crematorium, helped write the death notice for the local paper, showed myself and both DD's the options of coffin, delivered the ashes and any paperwork like death notices that I needed.

When family was available some months with better weather later, we scattered the ashes in our woodlot at his favourite spot and planted some trees. Later, some friends and neighbours visited enjoying treats on the patio of my home.
Was this unusual, maybe but it worked for us. The good thing possible today is that one can choose the traditional or individual or a combo approach.

[jp1]

So if you have a direct cremation, what do you do when it comes to those who want to pay respects? Come to your house--something like sitting shiva? Or maybe just have a "party" at a restaurant or other venue?

Some people want a formal funeral of some sort. Personally I would not want any sort of formal ceremony or the atmosphere of a funeral home. A gathering at someone’s home or in a private room of a restaurant would be fine. Since my father was one of the last survivors of his generation all we did was the graveside service with military honors then we took my aunt and cousin out for a nice lunch at dad’s favorite restaurant, The Black-eyed Pea. My uncle didn’t even want that much.

[jp1]

When FIL passed he and MIL encouraged everyone to come say goodbye while he was still alive and in hospice care. There was still a funeral at his church but other than us it was mostly just local family and friends in attendance.

When people came to visit he would pretend to be asleep and MIL would encourage them to wake him. He would then roar like a tiger and swat at them like one. That did a great job of breaking the tension and was totally his personality.

[iris lilies]

So if you have a direct cremation, what do you do when it comes to those who want to pay respects? Come to your house--something like sitting shiva? Or maybe just have a "party" at a restaurant or other venue?

you organize, or have someone organize, a memorial event.

In a park, at the edge of a lake, in someone’s back yard, or at the time/place ashes are buried/interred/scattered. Same principle as a wedding. The legal stuff is very low cost. It is the gathering and the party that drives up cost.

for our friend who was shot and killed by her husband, we held a memorial gathering in our neighborhood park, then met up in one of the empty storefronts on our little “main” street for snacks. The cost was around $250.

[Teacher Terry]

When my mil died we were given a big conference room at the casino she retired from. You can rent a room there. Then after the service everyone came to our house for a meal. We had a funeral home handle it but could have done a direct cremation for 500 but didn’t know that.

[frugal-one]

The one thing I did not think about... Make sure each person has a credit card with the bill in their name. I, foolishly, assumed that because we were a marital property state, credit would be for both. Not so. It is imperative to each have separate cards (can still add other as user but no credit will established for them).