Self-pity parties - managing them?

[jp1]

After reading the Wikipedia page on unconditional positive regard I have learned that it’s not called unconditional acceptance. The concept of UPR is the belief that every person has within them the capacity to change for the better because of their humanity. That not doing so in a clinical setting will cause the patient to shut down because they see the clinician doesn’t have hope for them to be capable of change. I’m sure that’s a quite simplified version of the concept but it seems reasonable to me.

[razz]

Frugal-one, I see the concept of 'unconditional positive regard' very simply; as "I have not walked in your shoes nor have you walked in mine, I value your right to be as I accept my own." There is neither judgement nor consequence involved in my positive mutual regard of you. Consequences come to each of us individually as we make our choices going through life.

[rosarugosa]

UPR reminds of when I was younger and my mother would say "I will always love you no matter what, even though I don't always love your behavior."

[Tammy]

Some Christians say it’s like unconditional love from the Bible.

[Tybee]

Another thing I like to do when I am feeling low is to read biographies. There are always rough patches in people's lives, and it is instructive to read about how they got through them. I find it encouraging, to read how others survived their difficulties.

[catherine]

Some Christians say it’s like unconditional love from the Bible.

That's true. Other religions say the same. Here's what Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh has said about loving your enemy

"In the eyes of Great Compassion, there is no separation between subject and object, no separate self. If a cruel and violent person disembowels you, you can smile and look at him with love. It is his upbringing, his situation, and his ignorance that cause him to act so mindlessly. Look at him—the one who is bent on your destruction and heaps injustice upon you—with the eyes of love and compassion. Let compassion pour from your eyes, and don’t let a ripple of blame or anger rise up in your heart. He commits senseless crimes against you and makes you suffer because he cannot see the way to peace, joy, or understanding."

When he was asked after 9/11 how to approach terrorists, he gave an analogy to the "evil" person having an illness, and you being a clinician:

“A doctor wants to destroy the malaria in a sick person, not destroy the patient himself. Terrorists are human beings who are sick with the virus of terrorism. The virus you see is made of fear, hatred, and violence. You can be a doctor for a person with this illness. Your medicine is the practice of restoring communication.

“But if a doctor cannot talk to a patient, if the patient refuses to cooperate, then how can the doctor help? If the patient refuses the doctor’s help, doesn’t trust her, and fears the doctor maybe trying to kill him, he will never cooperate. Even if the doctor is motivated by a great desire to help, she cannot do anything if the patient will not collaborate. So the first thing the doctor has to do is find ways to open communication. If you can talk to the patient, then there is hope. If the doctor can begin by acknowledging the patient’s suffering, then mutual understanding can develop and collaboration can begin."

[Tammy]

Well said

[rosarugosa]

Razz, in your original post, you asked,
"So basically, how do you manage your own mental self-care?
I usually recognize it for what it is - start counting my blessings and continue until that suggestion of feeling down dissolves or I think of someone to call or ?"

I think I try to get moving and improve something--it can be something simple like cleaning a room or restoring order to a space, or pulling weeds--a lot of times my mental state is affected by clutter or mess and so if I can straighten things out, I will start to feel more hopeful.

I think this is definitely what works for me. I almost never spend time feeling sorry for myself, and I think that's because I'm pretty quick to get moving and engage in productive activity.

[iris lilies]

I think this is definitely what works for me. I almost never spend time feeling sorry for myself, and I think that's because I'm pretty quick to get moving and engage in productive activity.

I,too, almost never feel sorry for myself, but I am often annoyed with others. So that is not a peaceful mental place to be, and it is probably some sort of spiritual failing, name the flavor.

[Teacher Terry]

I am more like IL in this area.