TY RR. I am hoping he has calmed down enough when I go to work this week he comes by the house.
If he wants his own place fine but I would rather he not be homeless while waiting for housing, but being homeless can expedite it.
Also hope he is okay as there are people who attack the homeless.
DB came over and shaved the bottom of my bedroom door so it doesn't stick anymore. DS very rarely wants anyone to come over to the house because cleaning up his messes is a big challenge. So I took advantage of his absence to get that done. DB also tried nailing up the part of the ceiling that is coming down in one room but that made it worse. I told him I'll deal with it later. He also brought over one of those orange power cords for me to borrow because DS is still using ours to get power to his room. It's close to a year now and he has not been able to get his room ready for an electrician to come in. I don't have a key to the room so that will have to wait until either he returns and is ready or he moves out.
DS is back and noticed the door shaved though I cleaned up all the wood shavings. He left me a note that he and his counselor had come up with a plan (without any input from me). I heard from DB it involved writing notes to each other on a white board so he won't have to talk to me. But then he saw that I had gotten the door to my own bedroom shaved when he didn't want anyone in the house so he left me a note that this shows I don't care about him, just like when I replaced the broken hot water heater and he was not ready, and saying he is only here until he can get his own place and "I hereby consider our mother-son relationship to be over".
Meanwhile I got an email that my EAP finally found me a counselor. The person is nowhere near where I work (opposite side of the state) or where I live (over an hour away). This better be virtual because I already leave the house at 6:15 and don't get back until 5:00 and I can't add 3 plus hours to my day, and none of these places ever seem to do weekends.
At least I know DS is physically safe and able to shower etc.
If you are now accepting of this “new plan” to write notes to each other as well as letting your son dictate who comes into YOUR OWN FREEKIN’ HOUSE you have some serious work to do with a therapist.Originally Posted by Yppej
Since you didn’t agree to the note writing game, you are under no obligation to play that game.
“When are you leaving?” would be my daily question to him. After six weeks I would give him a deadline to be out.
Jeppy, I honestly do not understand why the irregular demands of your son seem like issues you need to accomodate or negotiate.
I guess it is because you have been accommodating his irrational dictates for so long, you have lost track of healthy freedom in living.
His expectations of you are off the rails.But he gets to have them, he can think what he thinks and feel what he feels.
YOU have to draw the boundary around the unhealthy things you will not do.He cannot do it, he is not capable.
Well said, IL.
I agree with IL and Rosa here. I think you must come to terms with getting him out of your home, even if it means selling your home now in this favorable market and not taking him with you. Seriously, that would be what I would do right now.
And his counselor is not helping him, in my opinion. I would be fearful in this situation you are in, and that is no way to live. Please think of how you can change this situation--you are being abused, and that's not right, and you are the only one who can change this situation.
I am going to proceed with home repairs. He also said in his note that he releases me from all obligations to try to accommodate his anxiety or OCD because my actions show I don't care and he told me "You win". So he feels he lost. With this "release" in mind I left him a note that the weekend after this one I will start taking down the ceiling that is caving in. That gives him over a week to move his things. Previously he objected to this because it would get debris on his things. I also let him know I washed some curtains and can drape them over his things if he does not want to move them. So he has two options. Leaving the ceiling in a dangerous condition is not one of them.
Good for you Yppej for taking the steps to take control of YOUR life! You are NOT unreasonable to want a safe, well maintained house to live in.
At some point, he is going to have to live in a world that won't accommodate his anxiety/OCD, so he either needs to work harder on conquering those conditions (is the counselor really helping with that?) or find a sheltered living situation. At some level, he realizes this.
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