Originally Posted by
Yppej
I have been looking at houses for sale and found one that would be perfect for me a half hour from where I work. It is affordable housing and you don't have to be a first time home buyer, but ... I earn about $1500 too much per year to qualify.
Meanwhile my son is back to saying he will get his own place. He is now splitting his time between staying in the house when I am at work and staying in his car when I am around because he has a litany of complaints including:
- He was going to order light bulbs (a responsibility he insists is his because he does extensive research on them) and he didn't like that I requested different bulbs than we discussed a few years back - he sent me a long email accusing me of being a revisionist.
- He then blocked my phone number and my email so I went and knocked on his door because I had manure to be spread so I can put in the garden and he always wants to do heavy outdoor work. He said, "Please leave me alone" and I said, "Then don't get mad when I do things" and I spread the manure myself. A few days later he noticed and had a panic attack saying I was causing his anxiety and I didn't care about him.
-The lights were dimming and I asked him about a time frame for the electrician and he said I was harassing him on purpose because he cut off contact with me and I am being aggressive.
- He has been cleaning, at his methodical pace, and in the midst of working in the bathroom left such a big mess I couldn't get in the room, and so we got into an argument about that. The third time I asked him to clean it up I said something I shouldn't have, that he would never do that to a stranger, how can he do it to his own mother, what sort of son is he. Apparently he did not hear me the first two times because he had his fan on and would not open the door to hear me. He left me a note implying he is suicidal and saying he can't confide in me as I will call the police.
I continue to look for another home and would like to move if/when he does leave. There is a real estate company in the state, not the We Buy Ugly Houses people but one that is more reputable, that will buy your house as is and if they sell it for more down the road than they paid for it you get a cut of that.
If the market is such that I can't easily sell and buy elsewhere I will start fixing up this house and thank you all for your ideas on that.
ETA in his latest note he said if I do one more thing to hurt him (emotionally, I never hit him or anything) he will permanently cut off contact with me. So if I do something like call in the electrician it's game over. I feel blackmailed and trapped and he wrote he feels trapped because it can take a while to get housing. At age 18 he lived with my parents for a year and sent them a long letter after he moved out telling them how awful it was and saying he would rather be homeless than ever live with them again. In his latest missive he said I was worse than them.
I thought about trying again for counseling. (Last time the counselor did a no call no show.) But the eye doctor just told me this past week masks are required in medical settings indefinitely. If I go for counseling I know I will cry and you can't blow your nose when you're wearing a mask, and the mask will get all covered in tears and snot. The mask mandate is cruel and unusual punishment.
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