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Thread: I Hate My House (Long)

  1. #81
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    I figured someday I would have an empty nest but I hate that it's happening the way it is, with him suffering emotionally.
    Based on what you've related in this thread, your son has been suffering emotionally for quite some time, largely at his own hand. Maybe his eventual moving out isn't happening as you might have pictured it, but if he is initiating it, it's a positive sign of separation and the result addresses lots of issues between the two of you.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  2. #82
    Yppej
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    I am trying to see it as a positive, knowing that I myself was eager to get out on my own when I was in my twenties.

  3. #83
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    Good luck to him. The separation is hard, but as others have stated, can be a wonderful thing in the long run.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  4. #84
    Yppej
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    Turns out he does not want to leave, he just felt he was a burden but I told him he is not. He is still operating from a mindset of poverty where you should fix things and not replace them. He is still working on the ancient dryer and now his car I have been driving is making odd noises so he is stopping to take that in while I take my even noisier car to work today. I checked and the car I want to buy if I need a new one is still in stock at the dealership. So we muddle along.

  5. #85
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    Turns out he does not want to leave, he just felt he was a burden but I told him he is not. He is still operating from a mindset of poverty where you should fix things and not replace them. He is still working on the ancient dryer and now his car I have been driving is making odd noises so he is stopping to take that in while I take my even noisier car to work today. I checked and the car I want to buy if I need a new one is still in stock at the dealership. So we muddle along.
    He IS a burden to you. You’re stuck now. You’re in a falling apart house with electrical issues that can’t be fixed because of HIS issues.

  6. #86
    Yppej
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
    He IS a burden to you. You’re stuck now. You’re in a falling apart house with electrical issues that can’t be fixed because of HIS issues.
    He has turned the floodlight circuit back on which allows another light to go on as well. Now only his room and one other light are impacted. But yes I would like to resolve that issue.

  7. #87
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    There’s programs nationwide for people with mental illness called Assertive Community Training (ACT or PACT) that helps people live independently and have housing. This program was developed in Wisconsin and is now the standard everywhere. All types of services are provided and people make friends and help one another. You should look for one in your area. This situation is extremely unhealthy for both of you and will only get worse as everyone ages.

  8. #88
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    I second what Terry is saying about the situation worsening as you both age. I would support him going out on his own, no matter what. I think he would be a lot more cheerful and feel less trapped if he had his own place. And so would you, but of course that is just my opinion, and I wish you a peaceful living situation--just think you should be in separate places, for everyone's sake.

  9. #89
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    A friend of mine lived with her MI daughter for decades. A rise in rents made that impossible to continue and she thought her daughter wouldn’t survive without her. The daughter went to a low income apartment for people with disabilities that was nice and the mom senior housing. They both were much happier.

    I spent decades in my job warning parents not to shelter their adult children at home with disabilities but enroll them in work and group home activities and let them have a full life that everyone is entitled to. It always starts with good intentions and usually ends in misery for all involved. Especially when the parent dies or has to go to a home and the adult child has no coping skills.

  10. #90
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    A friend of mine lived with her MI daughter for decades. A rise in rents made that impossible to continue and she thought her daughter wouldn’t survive without her. The daughter went to a low income apartment for people with disabilities that was nice and the mom senior housing. They both were much happier.

    I spent decades in my job warning parents not to shelter their adult children at home with disabilities but enroll them in work and group home activities and let them have a full life that everyone is entitled to. It always starts with good intentions and usually ends in misery for all involved. Especially when the parent dies or has to go to a home and the adult child has no coping skills.
    Words of wisdom, Terry. An adult child who never leaves home never get to feel like a full-fledged adult. Pun was originally unintended, but I like it, so it stays.

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