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Thread: Chicken lady “fixes”? Her own life

  1. #11
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    IL, same here. My FB is diving, Corgi dogs, and books, for the most part.

  2. #12
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    Rosa, I am trying to work on it, but it is a little bit hard. There are a lot of issues and things out of my control (how long will the librarian bring books to my car?) It is unreasonable to ban the loved one of your spouse from your home when the only problems you can point to are “this person often speaks to me in a way I find hurtful but another person might not. Also I dislike pretty much everything about their personality.” I don’t know if Dh will want to cook after he goes back to work. I don’t know how long I can enjoy (and I do enjoy) his cooking without significant health consequences.

    and yes, I have skipped health appointments. Right there we’ve got a minimum of 5 “stranger contact days” a year.

    i don’t understand your last statement at all. I’m sorry.

    I’m not sure what my “socialization needs” are. I think it is possible that Dh being home uses up my tolerance for contact with people rather than meeting my socialization needs. Fortunately we have 28 acres and 3 buildings - two with heat.

    I am not on Facebook. This is one of two boards I visit to meet my desire for conversation and viewpoints outside my immediate circle. My only other interactive computer activities are work and personal emails.

  3. #13
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    Thanks for sharing, CL, and everyone else. I have to say, I think I am slow to react to any covid changes except for employment. And that change was so big, just dealing with it has pretty much consumed my thoughts and time. Lately, however, I have started realizing more things I'm missing, so will have to start figuring out how I'm going to respond.

    Continued wishes to all for health and happiness.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  4. #14
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Thanks for posting your thoughts.

    Self-expectations are cruel and arbitrary beasts and very hard to define in measurable terms as they seem to keep changes the parameters.

    I was talking to my daughters and some friends about the long-term impact of the covid experience. For me, it has evolved into a beneficial spiritual retreat doing the same soul-searching that CL and Cath mentioned but as uniquely mine as is theirs. Friends, family and dog-walking contacts are my social set; the dog is my gym membership/companion and I use the computer for so many online activities that are now available due to covid. I was careful about setting boundaries with neighbours when I moved into my house and that has worked out well.

    Part of it is recognizing that we are all continually evolving as time goes by but something like covid makes the changes more visible. Does it sound arrogant to say that I like myself better today than I did 10 years ago? Part of it is that I am increasingly recognizing the good parts of my mindset not just the parts that need improvement, I think.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  5. #15
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Rosa, I am trying to work on it, but it is a little bit hard. There are a lot of issues and things out of my control (how long will the librarian bring books to my car?) It is unreasonable to ban the loved one of your spouse from your home when the only problems you can point to are “this person often speaks to me in a way I find hurtful but another person might not. Also I dislike pretty much everything about their personality.” I don’t know if Dh will want to cook after he goes back to work. I don’t know how long I can enjoy (and I do enjoy) his cooking without significant health consequences.

    and yes, I have skipped health appointments. Right there we’ve got a minimum of 5 “stranger contact days” a year.

    i don’t understand your last statement at all. I’m sorry.

    I’m not sure what my “socialization needs” are. I think it is possible that Dh being home uses up my tolerance for contact with people rather than meeting my socialization needs. Fortunately we have 28 acres and 3 buildings - two with heat.

    I am not on Facebook. This is one of two boards I visit to meet my desire for conversation and viewpoints outside my immediate circle. My only other interactive computer activities are work and personal emails.
    CL: What I meant was that if one gets all his/her socialization needs met by one person (I guess it wouldn't necessarily have to be their partner), then they are in a sorrier fix if that person predeceases them than if they had a somewhat wider circle. I worry sometimes that my inner circle is a bit smaller than it should be. However, you do have children and I do not and you are working and I am retired, so our circumstances are certainly different.
    I did notice that I could tolerate more social interactions after I retired. More time abundance made me feel less like my time had to be so carefully guarded. I could have both people time and me time; I could have my cake and eat it too! When I was working, one social activity every other week was my limit (and less often was preferable).
    I think introversion/extroversion is a spectrum, and I may very well not be as introverted as you are, so you might see this differently. Most of us do have at least some desire to socialize with other humans though.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    It’s never good to have all your eggs in one basket even with family).

  7. #17
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    My guess would be that Rosa is referring to the fact that women often outlive their husbands and without close friends are lonely when their husbands die. Some of my friends have lost husbands in their 60’s.
    Yes, I was definitely thinking of that.

  8. #18
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    Got it.

    yes, it is good to have friends. I have a few good friends that understand that I am an introvert. We see each other infrequently but always pick up easily and happily - some I share the experience of an annual event with. I haven’t seen one of my best friends (in another state) in person for 18 years, but I have a standing offer to come for the weekend any time. Most of them are much more extroverted than I and would be happy to add an extra activity or two a year if I were feeling lonely. And I do have kids.

    i didn’t mean that I don’t know what socialization needs in general are btw, just that I don’t know what mine are. The only times I feel lonely is when I have an experience with a human that I need to talk to another human about and I have no one to discuss it with - and that’s not a lack of friends, it’s a lack of friends with my particular weird world view and I have no idea how to fix that! I have one friend who really “gets me” and that is a minor miracle. Unfortunately she also works with me and is close to family members, so I sometimes can’t talk to her about things due to concern for other people’s privacy.

    no contact with other humans at all for two weeks sounds like a lovely vacation to me. I’m not sure how long it would take past that for me to be interested in calling someone or going where other people are. - although I’d gladly trade a day alone for a day with my grandchild no matter what.

  9. #19
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    A slight digression, but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with vaccinations etc. makes me realize how Covid has been such a great excuse, and there have been lots of "oh yes, we'll have to get together once things get back to normal." So there is a small sense of dread, like some big debt out there accruing interest ...

  10. #20
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosarugosa View Post
    A slight digression, but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with vaccinations etc. makes me realize how Covid has been such a great excuse, and there have been lots of "oh yes, we'll have to get together once things get back to normal." So there is a small sense of dread, like some big debt out there accruing interest ...
    haha! I totally get it, 100%!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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