Dealing with a friend from college's drug/alcohol addiction

[Simplemind]

I have lost my two closest friendships (coworkers for 26 years) to addiction. It was horrifying to watch them in their swift and public decline. Personally and professionally I found myself drawing boundaries with both. After several years, one is newly connected on FB but I hardly recognize her as the person I knew. The other is lost in the mist. I'm still close with her daughters and they no longer speak to her after years of counseling. There isn't a week that goes by in the past 15 years that I don't think of her. I've been waiting for the midnight phone call for a long time.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine how hard that was to watch.

[jp1]

So sorry to hear this rob. My first serious boyfriend and I remained friends for many years after we broke up. Then he got hooked on meth, got infected with hiv and stopped returning my phone calls. A few years later, after no contact, a mutual friend got a call from him seeking help. He’d been arrested by the feds because he was selling meth as part of a big online gay meth dealing ring. Two months later he died of nonhodgkins lymphoma because he hadn’t been taking his hiv meds for some time. Years later it still makes me sad to think about how he wasted his life this way.

I don’t have any advice to offer beyond what everyone else has said.

[gimmethesimplelife]

Rob, I am sorry to hear about your friend.

You know you can’t help him long term in his spiral downwards, you may only be able to prop him up for the moment.so, it is good you didnt get involved in that latest episode of drama. It is good because there is not much point in involving yourself.

With addition of his mother’s money, he may have a looooooong spiral downwards. This wouldn't be the first time I’ve seen a parent’s large estate pretty much kill the child who inherits.

I thought the same thing when I found out his Mom passed. Something alarming in the mix that may shorten the downward spiral and result in that phone call I don't want to get - my friend has late stage kidney disease and these drug/alcohol benders have him not consistently going to dialysis. It's just a regrettable situation but I agree with your post, IL. Rob

[gimmethesimplelife]

Thank You everyone for your replies. My friend remains in the hospital down the street from the Holiday Inn. I seem to have been added to the ghosting list as my calls/texts/messages are being ignored. Interestingly enough his ex wife and I seem to be bonding into some kind of lets keep in touch thing. I always did like her. His son is really distraught with all of this and his family is scattered and bickering all over the Southwest. I just have the feeling that the dreaded phone call is not far off. Rob

[gimmethesimplelife]

I have lost my two closest friendships (coworkers for 26 years) to addiction. It was horrifying to watch them in their swift and public decline. Personally and professionally I found myself drawing boundaries with both. After several years, one is newly connected on FB but I hardly recognize her as the person I knew. The other is lost in the mist. I'm still close with her daughters and they no longer speak to her after years of counseling. There isn't a week that goes by in the past 15 years that I don't think of her. I've been waiting for the midnight phone call for a long time.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine how hard that was to watch.

Thank You, Simplemind. It was indeed very hard to watch. Brought back memories of my Father's drunkeness years ago. Ugggggh. Rob

[Teacher Terry]

My middle son has been addicted to drugs for years. He is 44. It’s a waste of a life. We have gotten our hopes up many times and have helped him including his dad and I and his brothers. 4 years ago he held a job and stayed clean for a year. I flew to Kansas to visit 4 times and we all were supportive and there for him. We have all learned not to enable him. His dad and I think one day we will get the dreaded phone call.

[Gardnr]

I'm so sorry Rob. A devastating lifestyle to observe.

I can only add that you care for yourself first in the decision you make to be present or not.