Contested guardianship

[herbgeek]

Does she remember the hearing?

She did not attend the hearing. Her lawyer did. It was best for all, as she doesn't really understand the particulars.

I'm glad to hear you mom loves her memory care unit Tybee- we are worried about the transition for Mom. As I mentioned earlier, she's always pleaded with us kids to never "put her in a home" and a great deal of her status/esteem comes from taking care of her house and the things she purchased to show off her perceived wealth. So there's a lot of loss for one person to process, on top of losing her husband who helped her to navigate and make sense of the world.

[Teacher Terry]

Herb, I hope I am wrong but you should be prepared in case it goes the other way. My friend with dementia was the most upbeat happy person I have ever met. Once in a facility losing her house and husband she went severely downhill within a month. It was incredibly sad. In these cases there’s obviously no choice of course but I was totally unprepared for what happened to her. I think looking back it was just too much for her mind to process. I am glad that some people adjust and are happy. That’s much better for everyone.

[herbgeek]

Mom is extremely unhappy now. Every week I visit, she tells me that she spends most of her days crying. She can be sad and angry alone or she can be sad and angry with other people around for company and distraction. I never expect mom will be happy, it's not her nature. But I hope she can be a bit less miserable.

[Tybee]

Mom is extremely unhappy now. Every week I visit, she tells me that she spends most of her days crying. She can be sad and angry alone or she can be sad and angry with other people around for company and distraction. I never expect mom will be happy, it's not her nature. But I hope she can be a bit less miserable.

Both of my parents made an unexpectedly good adjustment to assisted living , although my mother remained angry about being there--that was several years ago, and her cognition has worsened considerably. Your mom sounds like she is not so far along, which is both good and bad, good as she can still adjust to the new living situation, and bad in that she will still be distressed at leaving her home.

My mom, who had no desire to leave her home, still managed to make friends in assisted living, and was less lonely than she was at home.

[catherine]

Mom is extremely unhappy now. Every week I visit, she tells me that she spends most of her days crying. She can be sad and angry alone or she can be sad and angry with other people around for company and distraction. I never expect mom will be happy, it's not her nature. But I hope she can be a bit less miserable.

I remember my MIL, who was always so stalwart and active, showed some signs of lethargy and maybe even depression at the end of her life. She told us that nothing excited her anymore. OTOH, my great-aunt died at 92 years old, with the same happy attitude she had her whole life. As with any relationship, no matter what age or stage, our loved ones are responsible for their own attitudes, and it's not our job to turn them from a miserable person to a happy, or even content person. Our job is to keep them safe and free from harm. How they handle that is their problem.

[happystuff]

Our petition for conservatorship was approved by the court. Now the really hard part is in front of us, getting her into the assisted living place we have chosen.

Congratulations!!! One hurdle at a time and this was a big one!

[happystuff]

Everyone has such great advice and experiences to relate that I hope will help you, herbgeek. I have none, but wish you, your mom and the rest of your family good luck with this situation.

[razz]

I remember my MIL, who was always so stalwart and active, showed some signs of lethargy and maybe even depression at the end of her life. She told us that nothing excited her anymore. OTOH, my great-aunt died at 92 years old, with the same happy attitude she had her whole life. As with any relationship, no matter what age or stage, our loved ones are responsible for their own attitudes, and it's not our job to turn them from a miserable person to a happy, or even content person. Our job is to keep them safe and free from harm. How they handle that is their problem.

Wise words, well said.

[iris lilies]

Everyone has such great advice and experiences to relate that I hope will help you, herbgeek. all of us here as we age. I have none, but wish you, your mom and the rest of your family good luck with this situation.

there fixed it.

We ALL need to be paying attention here. None of us are spring chickens.

[happystuff]

there fixed it.

We ALL need to be paying attention here. None of us are spring chickens.

Good point - thanks for "fixing" it.