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Thread: Contested guardianship

  1. #91
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    Does she remember the hearing?
    She did not attend the hearing. Her lawyer did. It was best for all, as she doesn't really understand the particulars.

    I'm glad to hear you mom loves her memory care unit Tybee- we are worried about the transition for Mom. As I mentioned earlier, she's always pleaded with us kids to never "put her in a home" and a great deal of her status/esteem comes from taking care of her house and the things she purchased to show off her perceived wealth. So there's a lot of loss for one person to process, on top of losing her husband who helped her to navigate and make sense of the world.

  2. #92
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Herb, I hope I am wrong but you should be prepared in case it goes the other way. My friend with dementia was the most upbeat happy person I have ever met. Once in a facility losing her house and husband she went severely downhill within a month. It was incredibly sad. In these cases there’s obviously no choice of course but I was totally unprepared for what happened to her. I think looking back it was just too much for her mind to process. I am glad that some people adjust and are happy. That’s much better for everyone.

  3. #93
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    Mom is extremely unhappy now. Every week I visit, she tells me that she spends most of her days crying. She can be sad and angry alone or she can be sad and angry with other people around for company and distraction. I never expect mom will be happy, it's not her nature. But I hope she can be a bit less miserable.

  4. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Mom is extremely unhappy now. Every week I visit, she tells me that she spends most of her days crying. She can be sad and angry alone or she can be sad and angry with other people around for company and distraction. I never expect mom will be happy, it's not her nature. But I hope she can be a bit less miserable.
    Both of my parents made an unexpectedly good adjustment to assisted living , although my mother remained angry about being there--that was several years ago, and her cognition has worsened considerably. Your mom sounds like she is not so far along, which is both good and bad, good as she can still adjust to the new living situation, and bad in that she will still be distressed at leaving her home.

    My mom, who had no desire to leave her home, still managed to make friends in assisted living, and was less lonely than she was at home.

  5. #95
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Mom is extremely unhappy now. Every week I visit, she tells me that she spends most of her days crying. She can be sad and angry alone or she can be sad and angry with other people around for company and distraction. I never expect mom will be happy, it's not her nature. But I hope she can be a bit less miserable.
    I remember my MIL, who was always so stalwart and active, showed some signs of lethargy and maybe even depression at the end of her life. She told us that nothing excited her anymore. OTOH, my great-aunt died at 92 years old, with the same happy attitude she had her whole life. As with any relationship, no matter what age or stage, our loved ones are responsible for their own attitudes, and it's not our job to turn them from a miserable person to a happy, or even content person. Our job is to keep them safe and free from harm. How they handle that is their problem.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Our petition for conservatorship was approved by the court. Now the really hard part is in front of us, getting her into the assisted living place we have chosen.
    Congratulations!!! One hurdle at a time and this was a big one!
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  7. #97
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    Everyone has such great advice and experiences to relate that I hope will help you, herbgeek. I have none, but wish you, your mom and the rest of your family good luck with this situation.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  8. #98
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I remember my MIL, who was always so stalwart and active, showed some signs of lethargy and maybe even depression at the end of her life. She told us that nothing excited her anymore. OTOH, my great-aunt died at 92 years old, with the same happy attitude she had her whole life. As with any relationship, no matter what age or stage, our loved ones are responsible for their own attitudes, and it's not our job to turn them from a miserable person to a happy, or even content person. Our job is to keep them safe and free from harm. How they handle that is their problem.
    Wise words, well said.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  9. #99
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happystuff View Post
    Everyone has such great advice and experiences to relate that I hope will help you, herbgeek. all of us here as we age. I have none, but wish you, your mom and the rest of your family good luck with this situation.
    there fixed it.

    We ALL need to be paying attention here. None of us are spring chickens.

  10. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    there fixed it.

    We ALL need to be paying attention here. None of us are spring chickens.
    Good point - thanks for "fixing" it.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

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