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Thread: Mom is moving to assisted living next week, it can't come soon enough

  1. #1
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    Mom is moving to assisted living next week, it can't come soon enough

    My sister arrived this morning to get Mom ready for her twice weekly day program. The house was 87 degrees. Mom has either forgotten she has an air conditioner, or forgotten how to turn it on.

    She's already (intermittently) forgotten she has a thermostat and complains about being cold or puts the oven on for heat (and forgets its on), and has forgotten how to use the microwave so has been eating her meals cold instead of asking for help (we figured it out on our own due to her behavior). We put a note on the microwave for settings to use, but I haven't observed her using it yet.

    The movers are coming on Friday to take the furniture she'll be using at the new place, while she's occupied at the day program to eliminate a confrontation. Not sure how my sister will explain why things are missing, because THAT is something Mom is sure to notice. On Tuesday, Mom is moving in. My sister obtained some Xanax for Mom to make things easier (although I think she should reserve one for herself). Also my sister's ex boyfriend who my Mom trusts (unlike her children) will be there to assure Mom that it will be ok.

    Mom got a tour of the place over the weekend and just completely harangued the staff we met with saying she is normal, doesn't need help, and her daughter is only doing this so the house can be sold and my sister can pocket the profits. The place is expensive, but with my mother, they will be earning every penny.

  2. #2
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Good luck with the transition, Herbgeek! It sounds like it will be a big relief for you folks once it is done. My late uncle was living at a really nice facility in Danvers for awhile. He was in an independent living apartment, and I believe it was about $4000+ per month. I think meals were included. Their assisted living units were $7200 per month (this was about 3 years ago). They also had facilities for people who needed total care, and I have no idea what the price was for that. It seems like there is a spectrum of affordability in housing options for non-seniors or seniors who don't require assistance, but for seniors needing care, a person needs to be either very wealthy or Medicaid-eligible, without many options in between the extremes.

  3. #3
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Herbqeek, wish you well in this thorny endeavor.

    each year in St. louis a little old person is found dead due to heat.usually they have air conditioning, but they have not turned it on. Old people canít regulate body temperature well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Herbqeek, wish you well in this thorny endeavor.

    each year in St. louis a little old person is found dead due to heat.usually they have air conditioning, but they have not turned it on. Old people canít regulate body temperature well.
    Great point, IL. The rate for assisted living here was5,700 a month, and now Mom is paying 10,300 for memory care.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    My mother does not know how to turn her TV off. It was on when I called her last night so she went to another room so she could hear me. My brother has to do it for her.

    Neither she nor my father know how to turn on the radio on the car they have had for a year now, and she doesn't know how to run the heating and cooling controls on it, though he has learned. But the worst part of the accident that totaled their old car is that she is still dealing with billing issues as two insurance companies and Medicare battle out who should pay how much for what or try to stick her with the bills. The other driver was at fault. She declined my advice to get an attorney and took a small settlement before all the bills were in, and which in no way compensated her for the pain of bruised ribs and a broken vertebrae in her back.

    Anything the least bit out of the ordinary is so hard for her.

  6. #6
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    Good luck to you all, herbgeek! I hope the transition goes smooth as possible for all.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  7. #7
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Great point, IL. The rate for assisted living here was5,700 a month, and now Mom is paying 10,300 for memory care.
    Yes i am figuring on about $100,000 annually for my nursing home costs. At the moment it is not thatbhigh here in the midwest, but it will be that high when my time comes.

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    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Good luck, herbgeek! Makes me so thankful that my MiL wanted to move to assisted living. It still took effort on the part of the family to clear out her old place and get her (new) bills under control and so forth, but at least she was not complicating things by resisting the move.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

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    Best wishes herbgeek. You know you are doing the right thing!

  10. #10
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Your poor sister may need the Xanax more than your mom). Hoping it goes well.

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