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Thread: Estate settled

  1. #11
    Senior Member Simplemind's Avatar
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    I would have been happy with nothing had I been spared the facts of their lives and the overwhelming clean up project to settle their affairs (pun intended). The money didn't make up for the pain.

  2. #12
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    Yes simplemind. My brother who lived in that state was the executor. He had to deal with the second wife and Dad's stuff which amounted to almost every paper document he had since 1949. I think my brother said it was more than 25 trips to the dump. There was the second wife who was having issues to deal with and little of any value anyone else would want but it still required enormous work.

    We were semi lucky in that the farm was pretty much worth the land value and we did not have to remodel or broom clean the buildings.

  3. #13
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    All these reports of the struggles of the survivors really brings to the front of thought that each of us needs to make plans to simplify one's life. The purge threads are a help to remind each of us.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  4. #14
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    That's such good news, IL. I hope the family can heal from the litigation and come together again.

    It is so hard when someone feels unfairly treated. To me, the lesson here is to sell the house while one is alive, and split things equally.

    But it has been immensely painful to let go of my mother's house, which she always wanted me to live in after she was gone.

    And when someone takes over the house, then how is it made fair to the other children?

    That's why I am not fighting over anything, to preserve whatever illusion of family that still remains.

    But there's not much.

  5. #15
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    The recalcitrant sibling will never feel anything is “fair.” DH is not responsible for this person’s feelings.

    Where DH is going wrong now is it they are all now in a business together. That is about as dumb as you can get. It’s the guarantee of more drama. Granted, it is a passive business (farm rental) but…more drama to come.

  6. #16
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    Death and covid has been such a strange thing.
    The two brothers I worked for, were good together, not great, but good. People used to wonder how I, who was not family, could last between them. For years, I didn't get on the books (write checks but they would sign), until one went into the hospital and there was a chance he wouldn't make it. Heck, we had a laugh, because the very first check I could have signed was my paycheck (never signed that until the brother died, just a respect thing).
    But the six remaining siblings, all had it out over this ones death. Poor record keeping, alcohol, brother assuming he was going to handle/get everything, etc. I was asked to move in for pet responsibilities, then helped find and dispose of items (family out of state, not traveling due to covid, one member contact tracer), and the family started communicating through me. I am hopeful (suspect we are about three weeks from being done), that once this is over, they actually make amends (at least most of them, two I don't think will happen).
    Before this, I only ever dealt with my grandmothers estate, and the only point of contention that had, was three rings she wanted going to me and my siblings (mom, though about keeping and using them to make a ring).

    Glad this is done for you. Any recommendations?

  7. #17
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    Congrats, il. I hope things smooth out with the family, but at least your dh is finished with his part.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    The recalcitrant sibling will never feel anything is “fair.” DH is not responsible for this person’s feelings.

    Where DH is going wrong now is it they are all now in a business together. That is about as dumb as you can get. It’s the guarantee of more drama. Granted, it is a passive business (farm rental) but…more drama to come.
    I agree, not a good idea to be in business with family under these circumstances! Ugh. Unending drama.

  9. #19
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ToomuchStuff View Post

    …Glad this is done for you. Any recommendations?
    No Because every situation is different.


    Sounds like your employer really trusts you to have you take over so much of their personal as well as business dealings.

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