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Thread: PTSD and parents dying

  1. #11
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    Derangement, Greed, early onset dementia, who knows? I have given up asking why.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Right now, unfortunately, the place that meets that definition is my bed. I get it.
    Yes--I was just contemplating a nap. Pure escapism.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jane v2.0 View Post
    I just want to go somewhere stress-free and zone out. As if there were such a place.
    Opening theme from the movie Lost Horizon:

    Have you ever dreamed of a place
    Far away from it all
    Where the air you breathe is soft and clean
    And children play in fields of green
    And the sound of guns
    Doesn't pound in your ears.

    Have you ever dreamed of a place
    Far away from it all
    Where the winter winds will never blow
    And living things have room to grow
    And the sound of guns
    Doesn't pound in your ears anymore.

    Last edited by GeorgeParker; 9-14-21 at 5:11pm. Reason: typo

  4. #14
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    I find it hard to believe that rational people would be surprised household wealth belongs to the woman who helped to accumulate it
    My brothers are both extremely entitled. The older brother, who worked for Dad his whole life, feels that the proceeds from selling the business should have gone to him. After all, it was his working as a machine operator that made the wealth doncha know. The younger brother got Dad's patent for free, and sold the equipment on this patent (my dad and other brother did the manufacturing). Younger brother didn't get a real job until his 40's. He was busy sleeping until noon, redoing his website every week, buying status cars and office space he couldn't afford. I don't know how he lasted so long but I know Dad did bail him out when the ex GF wrote my parents and said creditors were hounding HER. The boys both got way more than a fair share, but feel somehow that they are owed.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    Younger brother and his gf came down 2 weeks ago to cram as much as they could into her Prius (I assume to sell on ebay or barter with neighbors). He was all upset we had thrown so much in the dumpster before he got there. He said we were insufficiently sentimental, but I suspect he saw $$$ in his eyes that he could have sold that stuff.
    In all fairness to both you and your brother, if you knew he would arrive within a reasonable number of days, you should have set aside anything you were going to throw away so he could go through it unless it was obviously worthless trash. So what if he took some stuff you intended to throw away and sold it? Why would you care? Situations where one (or a few) relatives move in quickly and throw away everything they think has no monetary or sentimental value, leaving another relative out of the process completely have caused more lifelong hatred than you can imagine, even among siblings who weren't on good terms to begin with.

  6. #16
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    The stuff in the dumpster was trash: broken knicknacks, old floppies, old dirty rugs, broken furniture. We saved everything that we thought could be of use to *someone*. I think it was the idea that his sisters had done the deciding that bugged him. For the year and and a half after my dad died, he was no where to be found. We were supposed to "know" the things he would like and store them indefinitely or deliver them to him (5 hours away). He never made a list or had any conversations about any items. He was just annoyed to hear that after a year, the other brother now had some items.

    My sister and I spent many many hours going through and sorting things including multiple weekends in a row. Even when brother was there, he spent most of the time reminiscing instead of doing any actual work. His GF did most of the work. So he did little work, but had lots of criticism for those of us who did.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    The stuff in the dumpster was trash: broken knicknacks, old floppies, old dirty rugs, broken furniture. We saved everything that we thought could be of use to *someone*.
    So what you did is the same thing I would have done, and him thinking he could have turned some of the stuff you threw away into money just means he doesn't trust your judgement or your intentions. Based on what you've told me, I agree he's an a$$hole. The sooner he's totally out of your life, the better.

    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    I think it was the idea that his sisters had done the deciding that bugged him.
    Bingo!

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by herbgeek View Post
    My brothers are both extremely entitled. The older brother, who worked for Dad his whole life, feels that the proceeds from selling the business should have gone to him. After all, it was his working as a machine operator that made the wealth doncha know. The younger brother got Dad's patent for free, and sold the equipment on this patent (my dad and other brother did the manufacturing). Younger brother didn't get a real job until his 40's. He was busy sleeping until noon, redoing his website every week, buying status cars and office space he couldn't afford. I don't know how he lasted so long but I know Dad did bail him out when the ex GF wrote my parents and said creditors were hounding HER. The boys both got way more than a fair share, but feel somehow that they are owed.
    Remind them the owners get the proceeds, NOT the employees.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
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    I'm certain my situation doesn't compare, but I've never been close to my only brother. I dreaded dealing with money and property issues when the time came for my parents estate. When the time came, there was a point when I just had to let go of some of my concerns about disposing of the estate fairly and quickly, or I had to deteriorate an already shaky brother relationship. Now, looking back, some of those estate issues don't seem to matter so much now and I get along fairly well with my only brother. I think my parents would have wanted it that way.

    And I'd probably be in Belview If I could do some vigorous outdoor exercise a few days a week. It's valuable stress relief for me.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogar View Post
    And I'd probably be in Belview If I [couldn't] do some vigorous outdoor exercise a few days a week. It's valuable stress relief for me.
    Try HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) if you're not already doing it.

    HIIT seems to be the best exercise for overall health because it pushes your lung capacity, your heart function, your muscle strength and quickness, and your endurance, but the workouts are fairly short like 20 minutes. Other exercises will give you bigger improvements in specific health areas, but HIIT forms a good base for whatever else you do.

    The HIIT version most of us are familiar with is "wind sprints" -- Sprinting a block, walking or jogging a block, and repeating the process a set number of times. Another type of HIIT is doing a variety of exercises at full intensity with a brief walk or stretch in between.

    Try some of the routines here https://www.google.com/search?channe...rkout+routines and see if they push your happy button. They work good for me.

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