Mom is going in for a total knee replacement

[happystuff]

So glad the surgery went well! Sending prayers for a speedy recovery. Good luck with the second set of problems!!!

[Teacher Terry]

So glad it went well. Good idea to have her stay with you.

[catherine]

So glad the operation was a success! Yes, she should be in recovery for several weeks, but that's to be expected. Will she be getting physical therapy coming to the house?

As far as your second set of problems, how reliably sober is your sibling? You said they are an "ex-opiate addict"--how long have they been in recovery? How they feel about being around the drugs? Has the conversation come up? All reformed addicts and abusers have different timetables for how they handle trigger situations. If they are newly sober, I would consider having your mom move in until she's past the need for opiates. But if your sibling is at the point where risk of relapse is low even when they have the opportunity, all should be well. But I agree, it is a risk.

[rosarugosa]

I'm glad your mom is doing well. I have no advice, but wish you luck with the next stages.

[ApatheticNoMore]

As far as your second set of problems, how reliably sober is your sibling? You said they are an "ex-opiate addict"--how long have they been in recovery? How they feel about being around the drugs? Has the conversation come up? All reformed addicts and abusers have different timetables for how they handle trigger situations. If they are newly sober, I would consider having your mom move in until she's past the need for opiates. But if your sibling is at the point where risk of relapse is low even when they have the opportunity, all should be well. But I agree, it is a risk.

Well they have been on Suboxone, have been for maybe a decade, not very functional in general to put it mildly - don't' work or even do anything else - school, volunteer, socialize, 12 steps - nope none of it, though they have gone to 12 steps years ago. Wont' even get a drivers license even though mom begged for a long time as she needs a ride for awhile after surgery. Also they recently relapsed on cigarettes after going off them for 5 months and are now chain smoking again.

I get an overwhelming sense they are not going to be any help in a caretaking sense, being there for mom after surgery, but were there for her surgery. When the times get tough and the chips are down, they are as useless as ever, only seemingly even more so, hard as that is to believe! It's like OMG. And I'm like @#$# if she needs any caretaking, it's me. I saw a book called "there is no such thing as laziness", I think for *most* people, and certainly the perfectionists it's aimed at, that's actually true, but I don't even know, the whole thing is so inexplicable I wonder if they are still sneaking drugs. Any caretaking needed now is not permanent I know, from this mom will in overwhelming likelihood recover, and be better than ever, but if she needs any help it's me.

The suboxone should of course chemically lessen the temptation. Back when they were still definitely taking opiates and not on suboxone, and dad still alive, sibling stole my dad's pain meds. Me and bf have put in hours of our free time that could be more pleasantly spent, trying to offer job advice, etc. etc.. Yea sigh, nope. Maybe they do sneak drugs, who knows ultimately, the meds they are on legally like suboxone may not be helping.

[dado potato]

My dear wife had knee replacement surgery. I drove her back home over Wisconsin's disgusting highways... which was a great ordeal.

Today she feels that her new knee is fabulous, and she is talking about getting a shoulder replaced one of these days.

Sending Healing Vibes to your mom, ANM.

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[Tradd]

ANM, good thoughts your mom’s way.

[JaneV2.0]

ANM, I feel your pain. Often in families, it all falls on one person, and it looks like you're it. When my parents started failing--a long freeway drive away in another state--it was my beloved who picked up the ball, for which I'll always be grateful. We were kind of a tag team, and worked it out somehow. And you're right to be wary of opioid theft (those drugs are nothing to mess around with).

[iris lilies]

ANM, wishing you well during this difficult time.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Thanks.