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Thread: Is it better to burn out or fade away?

  1. #1
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Is it better to burn out or fade away?

    I have been involved in the horse industry ( mostly showing) since I was 5 I am now 60. I have been involved in all aspects of the show world except being a trainer or coach.
    It's getting too expensive/ hard for me to do this at a high level anymore. I have several health issues too. In my younger years, I paid for my expenses in a lot of ways. Most of them, I can no longer do ( bring up young horses and selling them for a profit, braiding and banding at shows etc) I went to a show in Vegas. my first class was very good... then I got sick with and episode and it was an absolute sh1tshow. I have been feeling like I can't justify the cost the last few years. since Covid, a lot of of our shows were way out of state. In 2020 we went to three shows in Utah, two shows in Idaho and one in Vegas, instead of the usual regional shows ( Washington/Oregon) because of the shut downs. That requires a lot of time away from home . instead of the weekend regional shows.
    I had a meeting with my trainers to see if I could bring my horse home and just haul in for lessons. They weren't too keen on that. They were somewhat ok with me bring him home and not doing anything with him until I felt better. I have been with them for 30 years. They are very honest and hard working and don't take short cuts or use abusive measures while training. That is hard to find in the horse world. I am also one of their longest client. The other came two months after me.
    Usually they have up and coming riders that I could lease him out to. Unfortunately, where they " harvest" the up and coming hasn't been happening due to Covid ( they would give clinics open to the public and people who really want to move up would start to take haul in lessons , then progress into the full time training program.)
    I have been exploring the thought of selling him ( even totally getting out... selling it all). However there is no way I could afford to get back in if I decide that I wanted get back in.

    I do know that traveling to high elevation places triggers my Meniere's disease. And the heat doesn't help. They are ok with me just going to the local shows, but I am so burned out right now with life ( we lost three parents, 2 dogs and my heart horse all recently and another dog is close to the rainbow bridge right now) I did just sell a horse that I had leased out, so I don't get "that call" that something catastrophic happened ( its about 1200 to put a horse down in the area where she is)
    My husband has 41, almost 42 years in as a firefighter and really needs to retire. I really want to down size and sell our horse farm. Its becoming a burden. I have been doing fill-in work in the dental field, but my heart is no longer in it. Even though I live in blue state, I live in a red area. The stupidity of the majority of them is absolutely astounding. I am tired of the smart assy remarks when I go over their health history. Or telling them they have to swish with hydrogen peroxide for 30 seconds before we start a procedure and the complain about why do they have to do this all for a "flu"
    Horses and my involvement is my identity. I don't know if my feelings are temporary. If its the weight of the outside world, combined with the weight of my personal world. Part of me just wants to sell it all and drop off the face of the horse world.
    I know this is all over the place, and is long winded, but there is no place on FB I could ever write this. Thank You for keeping this forum open

  2. #2
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Maybe take your horse home with you and give yourself some time to decide what you really want to do. I am a believer that our lives have seasons and perhaps this one is over. Is it possible for you to keep your horse for you to ride even if you don’t show? Are you thinking about moving to a different city or state? What does your husband want to do and what does he think? It sounds like showing will be a financial burden once your husband retires.

  3. #3
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    Perhaps sit down with hubby and talk about what you both want in the next 10 years. Talk about what gives you pleasure, your finances, what to offload, etc. There are so many options out there.

    If you have a plan with some goals, it could give you both some reason to continue and work towards something. Or you could after this discussion, find that you can do what you want now. But you have to know what you both want.

    Be aware that depression can cloud decision making. You are grieving many losses right now so maybe just talking over options is a good idea and not jumping into or out of anything.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boss mare View Post
    I have been involved in the horse industry ( mostly showing) since I was 5 I am now 60.
    Run-on sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    Most of them, I can no longer do ( bring up young horses and selling them for a profit, braiding and banding at shows etc) I went to a show in Vegas.
    No parallelism of the verbs in parentheses, extra space after start parenthesis, another run-on sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    my first class was very good... then I got sick with and episode and it was an absolute sh1tshow.
    Sentences start with a capital letter and it should be "an episode" not "and episode"

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    since Covid, a lot of of our shows were way out of state. In 2020 we went to three shows in Utah, two shows in Idaho and one in Vegas, instead of the usual regional shows ( Washington/Oregon) because of the shut downs.
    Again with no starting a sentence with a capital letter, again with improper spacing after start parenthesis. You can't blame fat fingers if the errors are consistent.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    That requires a lot of time away from home . instead of the weekend regional shows.
    Extra space before period, no capitalized letter after period, sentence fragment.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    They were somewhat ok with me bring him home and not doing anything with him until I felt better.
    Again with the lack of parallelism with the verbs.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    I am also one of their longest client. The other came two months after me.
    Usually they have up and coming riders that I could lease him out to.
    Missing word - or by longest client do you mean if you lay on the ground and they measure you that you are the tallest? Client should be plural in your sentence. Improper antecedent - it reads that clients and not horses are being leased out.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    Unfortunately, where they " harvest" the up and coming hasn't been happening due to Covid ( they would give clinics open to the public and people who really want to move up would start to take haul in lessons , then progress into the full time training program.)
    Again with extra spaces - after start quotes, after start parenthesis, between lessons and the comma following it.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare:394322
    I have been exploring the thought of selling him ( even totally getting out... selling it all).
    And another extra space after the start parenthesis

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    I am so burned out right now with life ( we lost three parents, 2 dogs and my heart horse all recently and another dog is close to the rainbow bridge right now) I did just sell a horse that I had leased out, so I don't get "that call" that something catastrophic happened ( its about 1200 to put a horse down in the area where she is)
    Two more spacing errors after start parentheses, a run-on sentence, and a missing apostrophe in what should be it's not its

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    I really want to down size and sell our horse farm. Its becoming a burden. I have been doing fill-in work in the dental field, but my heart is no longer in it. Even though I live in blue state, I live in a red area.
    Downsize is one word. Another error with it's. There should be an a before blue state.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    The stupidity of the majority of them is absolutely astounding. I am tired of the smart assy remarks when I go over their health history. Or telling them they have to swish with hydrogen peroxide for 30 seconds before we start a procedure and the complain about why do they have to do this all for a "flu"
    Interesting that you call other people stupid. No period to end the last sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    Horses and my involvement is my identity. I don't know if my feelings are temporary. If its the weight of the outside world, combined with the weight of my personal world.
    In the first sentence your subject is plural but your verb is singular. Another improper its that should be it's.

    Quote Originally Posted by bossmare View Post
    Thank You for keeping this forum open
    You is only capitalized for a divine being and Alan's good but I don't think he would go there. A sentence should end with a period.

    Since you asked who raised me in the booster thread, I'm going to ask who educated you?

  5. #5
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    Boss Mare your post really touched me this morning. Accepting changes that occur as we age is difficult. I live in a large retirement community and see it everyday. My neighbor with meticulous gorgeous gardens suddenly can’t keep up. We had to give up our RV due to physical issues. Many people can no longer drive at night.
    Your situation is even more difficult as horses as well as other living things become part of our inner fiber.

    what do you want your life to look like in one year, five years, ten years? If you gave up the horse farm, what type of living situation would you want? What activity would fill the void and the time of losing your current horse involvement?

    I truly wish you the best of luck as you transition into the next stage of your life. Drastic changes are always hard and don’t hesitate to seek help if you find yourself really down in the dumps. You have a lot of issues on your plate that are difficult to sort out.

  6. #6
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    Run-on sentence

    No parallelism of the verbs in parentheses, extra space after start parenthesis, another run-on sentence

    Sentences start with a capital letter and it should be "an episode" not "and episode"

    Again with no starting a sentence with a capital letter, again with improper spacing after start parenthesis. You can't blame fat fingers if the errors are consistent.

    Extra space before period, no capitalized letter after period, sentence fragment.

    Again with the lack of parallelism with the verbs.

    Missing word - or by longest client do you mean if you lay on the ground and they measure you that you are the tallest? Client should be plural in your sentence. Improper antecedent - it reads that clients and not horses are being leased out.

    Again with extra spaces - after start quotes, after start parenthesis, between lessons and the comma following it.

    And another extra space after the start parenthesis

    Two more spacing errors after start parentheses, a run-on sentence, and a missing apostrophe in what should be it's not its

    Downsize is one word. Another error with it's. There should be an a before blue state.

    Interesting that you call other people stupid. No period to end the last sentence.

    In the first sentence your subject is plural but your verb is singular. Another improper its that should be it's.

    You is only capitalized for a divine being and Alan's good but I don't think he would go there. A sentence should end with a period.

    Since you asked who raised me in the booster thread, I'm going to ask who educated you?

    You have an amazing short memory Sweet Cheeks . We have already been over why my grammar isn’t perfect.
    You still have not answered my questions about you producing any documents about your credentials in healthcare or if you are swilling adult beverages or other mind altering substances when you start on your tirades . I know that the reason that you pick on my spelling and grammar is because that’s the only thing you can get nit pick on me. You can’t find fault on my ( or others ) medical experience and you most certainly can’t find any fault m my Horse Facts of The Day. Put down the alcohol ( or whatever else mind altering substances you are consuming) shut the computer off and go do something constructive with your life that doesn’t involve b!tching about masks and making a complete fool of yourself. I have second hand embarrassment for you . You have become a petty, bitter person . Look in the mirror. Take a long hard look at yourself. Do you like what you see? What would your obituary say if you died? Would it say that Jeppy was a kind, giving person who was happy about being in service to others. Someone who could find joy. To read the stuff you put on here, I think not.

    Again: Who Raised You ? Would they be proud of your behavior? Where are your medical credentials? And are you drinking yourself to oblivion?
    Like I said, I just came back from a show in Vegas. The horse world is full of anti maskers and anti vaxxers. However, since the loss of some very very knowledgeable horse people due to Covid, I am seeing a huge turnaround about their attitude. They are finally taking it seriously when they see their mentors passing away . Or if they don’t and can no longer ride due to Long Haulers Syndrome.

    The Fun Horse Fact of The Day: The Thoroughbred stallion, Three Bars was introduced into the American Quarter Horse breed. It’s impossible to find any AQHA ( the American Quarter Horse Association) that doesn’t have Three Bars listed in their pedigree.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    You're constantly stressed out and stooping to lies like accusing me of being drunk.

    Why don't you give up the horses? As a new hobby you could volunteer in an elementary school as an aide. Help out during grammar lessons and you just might learn something.

  8. #8
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    Fellow horse lover here. I can so relate, even though I have never competed, just enjoyed my horses and had them both at barn and at home.

    I'm struggling with some similar issues, and bought this house so that we could have horses at home, only to find it is poorly suited, due to lack of pasturage. We really want a little farm set up for horses and look everyday online. But we are older than you, 65 and 66, and way more arthritic than last time I had a horse, before we moved from SC. I don't know. I am thinking of changing to something gaited if we do get horses again, but it is the care I worry I can't physically keep up with. So that argues to go back to a barn. And having horses at home is an enduring dream. Even though when we have done it, it has tired us to the house in a way that is not good, and we are getting older, and what if one of us gets surgery--you get the picture.

    But it is so hard to find a barn you love. It sounds to me like you are at a show barn, or in your case, a Show Barn extraordinaire. Honestly, my happiest horse memories are riding with other people, like when we tried to start a drill team--never laughed so hard in my life, had so much fun. Or just riding with someone else and talking. When my horses were home, all I seemed to do were horse chores, you know. Not as much fun.

    Is there a barn where you could chill for a while, and have other people with similar interests? Or, if you stay at the barn you are at, just chill to being a part of things but not competing for a year and see how it feels. Or, if you bring the horse home, can you do something to stay in the field, like working with 4-H kids--I know that is probably not exciting and you may not be interested, but you could pass on your knowledge and help youngsters find the joy you found? I also remember you had an Appaloosa--can you get involved in breed organizations? I am looking to get involved in a trail riding club--there is one here in Maine that meets for dinners, gets together to clean trails--that is about my speed right now.

    Like my dream right now is get involved with Marsh Tacky preservation. But we live in Maine, not South Carolina anymore, unfortunately.

    I don't know, I just know I am so sorry for the loss of your heart horse--it would be good if you could enjoy riding again and enjoy your beloved horse again and take some of the pressure off.

  9. #9
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    You're constantly stressed out and stooping to lies like accusing me of being drunk.

    Why don't you give up the horses? As a new hobby you could volunteer in an elementary school as an aide. Help out during grammar lessons and you just might learn something.
    If you read my post, I clearly stated my reasons I am reluctant to give them up. Can’t you read? I volunteer at a nonprofit dental office and I help out at the local 4-H horse program. I am not stooping to lies . I asked you a question. Touched a tender spot did I? The lady doth protests too much methinks . Hmmm looking at your posts about complaining about the condition of your house, getting work done on your house, your car, maybe you should stop picking and dinging on someone who wired differently and sees the world in a different light . At least I am passing on my knowledge to others . I am very well connected in the horse world. I am sure I can find a horse that is being euthanized and have it delivered to your door step. I will also include a baseball bat with which you can beat it with. My question what type of bat would you prefer? Wood or aluminum?

    Fun Horse Fact of the Day: All horse organizations use January 1st as a horse’s birth date

  10. #10
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Fellow horse lover here. I can so relate, even though I have never competed, just enjoyed my horses and had them both at barn and at home.

    I'm struggling with some similar issues, and bought this house so that we could have horses at home, only to find it is poorly suited, due to lack of pasturage. We really want a little farm set up for horses and look everyday online. But we are older than you, 65 and 66, and way more arthritic than last time I had a horse, before we moved from SC. I don't know. I am thinking of changing to something gaited if we do get horses again, but it is the care I worry I can't physically keep up with. So that argues to go back to a barn. And having horses at home is an enduring dream. Even though when we have done it, it has tired us to the house in a way that is not good, and we are getting older, and what if one of us gets surgery--you get the picture.

    But it is so hard to find a barn you love. It sounds to me like you are at a show barn, or in your case, a Show Barn extraordinaire. Honestly, my happiest horse memories are riding with other people, like when we tried to start a drill team--never laughed so hard in my life, had so much fun. Or just riding with someone else and talking. When my horses were home, all I seemed to do were horse chores, you know. Not as much fun.

    Is there a barn where you could chill for a while, and have other people with similar interests? Or, if you stay at the barn you are at, just chill to being a part of things but not competing for a year and see how it feels. Or, if you bring the horse home, can you do something to stay in the field, like working with 4-H kids--I know that is probably not exciting and you may not be interested, but you could pass on your knowledge and help youngsters find the joy you found? I also remember you had an Appaloosa--can you get involved in breed organizations? I am looking to get involved in a trail riding club--there is one here in Maine that meets for dinners, gets together to clean trails--that is about my speed right now.

    Like my dream right now is get involved with Marsh Tacky preservation. But we live in Maine, not South Carolina anymore, unfortunately.

    I don't know, I just know I am so sorry for the loss of your heart horse--it would be good if you could enjoy riding again and enjoy your beloved horse again and take some of the pressure off.
    Thank you for understanding. Yes I am somewhat involved with the Appaloosa breed. I still have two left at home . And am Vice President of a regional club and still am involved with planning our annual regional show. Unfortunately the ApHC has made some very very bad financial decisions and what used to be the third largest breed is now way down in the list as far as registrations. No to little horses being bred means a shortage of horses
    I have branched out to trail riding with my two Appys and have even gone on a few poker/ prize rides. My current show horse is a APHA.
    We have farm with 10 acres and an indoor arena. I would love to have people over to ride, but the liability/ insurance issues are too risky. I do haul out to other places and recently joined a group of women who trail ride. But finding the right group is pretty important. Some people’s idea of trail riding is like the chase scene in the movie The Man From Snowy River.
    I do think that bringing Koda home at least until the first of the year is a good idea. I will give my 30 days notice tomorrow. I will still be involved in the barn as I clean stalls on Thursday ( our regular stall cleaner is out with a non horse related injury). I feel more positive now that I made a decision.

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