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Thread: Is it better to burn out or fade away?

  1. #11
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    boss mare, I agree with what tt, sweetana, and Tybee have posted. It sounds like you have been through so much and need some time to just stop and breath before making any major decisions. As already suggested, maybe bring your horse home and settle in for some private, quiet time. Two to three months down the road, you may find that some of these decisions are easier to make when you are not so over-whelmed. Good luck and I hope your health issues get better.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  2. #12
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boss mare View Post
    If you read my post, I clearly stated my reasons I am reluctant to give them up. Canít you read? I volunteer at a nonprofit dental office and I help out at the local 4-H horse program. I am not stooping to lies . I asked you a question. Touched a tender spot did I? The lady doth protests too much methinks . Hmmm looking at your posts about complaining about the condition of your house, getting work done on your house, your car, maybe you should stop picking and dinging on someone who wired differently and sees the world in a different light . At least I am passing on my knowledge to others . I am very well connected in the horse world. I am sure I can find a horse that is being euthanized and have it delivered to your door step. I will also include a baseball bat with which you can beat it with. My question what type of bat would you prefer? Wood or aluminum?

    Fun Horse Fact of the Day: All horse organizations use January 1st as a horseís birth date
    I can read very well, though it's painful when the posts are as poorly written as yours. Above is another one with wacko spacing. You are right that you're different. Most people take feedback and use it improve. Others use spell check or grammar check.

    I can't remember when my last drink was. Maybe spring 2021. Psychological projection on your part?

  3. #13
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Sounds like moving to a smaller property where you have space for 1-2 horses might be ideal. I used tk do horse stuff (lessons, leased, some local shows) when k was in my mid-20s so I have an idea of the physical work involved. Definitely bring your horse home for a bit. Maybe even through the winter and then go from there, after youíve had some time to take in all the changes.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    From ages 12-18 I cleaned stalls in exchange for free rides. It’s a lot of work and cured me of wanting to own a horse but I loved riding.

  5. #15
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    From ages 12-18 I cleaned stalls in exchange for free rides. It’s a lot of work and cured me of wanting to own a horse but I loved riding.
    Ha! That could have been me except that I did it for only one hot muggy summer and riding for me was meh. It was something different to do, though, and it cemented the idea in my head that I wanted to be a small-animal veterinarian (for as long as that dream lasted).

    Re: burning out or fading away: I vote for fading away, pretty much every time. It gives you more room to regroup and backtrack -- if there's any interest in that happening. And i think it leaves fewer marks on both the protagonist and the antagonists.

    boss mare, I think you've been through a lot this year and such a major decision (maybe more than one: quitting horses, retirements, etc.) should be given more time than maybe you've been able to give it. Take your horse home and then decide what to do. It's possible you may want back at the show barn; it doesn’t sound like there's a loooong waiting list to get in, so maybe that will be okay. And maybe you and DH need to set up a few evenings or weekend mornings to think about what comes next, now that changes have occurred and you have more information with which to make decisions.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  6. #16
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    Boss Mare: I don't know much of anything about horses, so I enjoy your fun facts and your contributions to the Forums. I'm more interested in the substance of what you have to say than your grammar, and I'm quite certain that is true for most of us here.
    I wish you well with whatever you decide.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    You're constantly stressed out and stooping to lies like accusing me of being drunk.

    Why don't you give up the horses? As a new hobby you could volunteer in an elementary school as an aide. Help out during grammar lessons and you just might learn something.
    yppej, this is mean-spirited and insulting. NO ONE here likes to read your increasingly obnoxious verbal assaults on the other members.

    Note, my post here is not a question, itís a statement. Donít bother trying to reply, since you have continually demonstrated that there is not a single empathetic cell in your body.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Yppej's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mschrisgo2 View Post
    yppej, this is mean-spirited and insulting. NO ONE here likes to read your increasingly obnoxious verbal assaults on the other members.

    Note, my post here is not a question, it’s a statement. Don’t bother trying to reply, since you have continually demonstrated that there is not a single empathetic cell in your body.
    Is it better for you to burn out responding to me in anger, or for you to put me on your ignore list so I fade away?

  9. #19
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    As a fellow member of the Mostly Over Club, I can tell you that walking away from a forty year career turned out to be surprisingly easy. I always looked at my job more as a paycheck than an identity, and was happy to fill the days with new things and old friends. I try, even at this stage, to look at whatís ahead rather than whatís behind.

  10. #20
    Senior Member pony mom's Avatar
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    Another horsewoman here. I can understand some of what you're going through. It seems to me that you need to take some time away from the showing/training atmosphere, bring your horse home and spend time having fun with him. Are there clinics you can participate in or audit that will teach you something new? Working equitation is fun. Or maybe massage (Masterson Method is easy to do and pretty amazing!) Don't even think about totally quitting (if you're like most of us, you've got waaaay too much $tuff to replace if you changed your mind). Although I don't compete, I don't know how I could identify myself without a horse. I might have to get a dog and be involved in canine sports if I didn't have my horse.

    If your horse is at home, could you offer boarding to someone you know well and get along with so you have someone to ride with? I know quite a few people who can't wait to bring their horse to their own farm only to realize that they work more and have less incentive to ride when alone. Or you can lease a few stalls to another rider or to a rescue or OTTB rehoming group.

    Being away from your current barn for awhile could either: make you miss the activity and want to go back, or realize that you don't really fit in there anymore when you go back to visit. There will be new people that you won't know and it won't feel the same to you.

    When I was younger my barn was my social life. Over the last 15 years or so I've boarded at barns where I am the only one riding or even showing up, so I'm just there to ride and enjoy my pony time. Now this is perfect for me, as I'm sick of being around people all day at work and just want some alone time. Enjoy your horse now; you don't have to prove anything to anybody by going to showsd.

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