My brother is arriving here in three days and last night sent an email that he wants to scatter my dad's ashes while he is here. He claims that this should be done within a year of his death, to be "proper: and that he intends to do it in a "nice way" and proposes we toss Dad out to sea. (A couple of weeks ago he proposed we get rid of Mom and Dad's ashes together, conveniently forgetting Mom wasn't dead yet.) He also announced he plans to throw my grandparents ashes into a stream out where he lives, "unless one of us wants them."
(He took off with their ashes a couple of years ago, and made no arrangements for them, even though I have wanted for years to get them interred in a columbarium.)
Dad told me that he wanted to be spread in a flower garden on consecrated ground. Not easily arranged, as I have looked.
I am so fed up with this guy--he also sent me emails about two large estate problems that he expected me to handle, and I said no way, not my responsibility, I don't have time, and now I am being treated by him and other brother as though I am nuclear.
If you object to anything this guy does, it's an all out assault from him, my other brother, and his legal team that he hired, over my objections, and now he calls them "the family attorneys."
I am so stressed right now, awaiting surgeon consult about my stomach, so dreading see him. My husband told me yesterday he does not want to see this guy when he comes to town. I don't blame him.
What would you do about the ash situation? Just writing that makes me cry and my stomach turn. "The ash situation." I have just spent a week processing papers that he was going to throw out, family documents and it's been like hearing their voice from beyond the grave--they say things like, "My executor should, etc." and "My wishes are."
So I guess I am grappling with what I owe to the dead, vs. dealing with this team of people assembled by this guy to get his own wayand sanctioned by the court, etc. It is breaking my heart.
Any ideas on how to handle this crisis du jour? Cannot wait til this is out of my life.
He is going to see Mom for the first time in 2.5 years.