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Thread: Losing my "anchors" here

  1. #1
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    Losing my "anchors" here

    I can't believe it but we have now been here five years. To live in this state had been a lifelong dream and we pulled it off after a half a century in Texas. Closer to sibs was part of the appeal. We had decided to move but then along came Covid and the ridiculous real estate market so here we remain for the present. So in the past week...I have learned that my brother has to move to a lower elevation state due to his wife's illness, the other brother has been diagnosed with Parkinson's, our favorite neighbor has moved out of state to care for her ailing mother and a close friend (really the only close one) is moving to the other side of the mountain. It feels like the relationships that mattered are no longer here. I will no doubt need to ask advice on next steps from objective simple folk about taking new steps. For now, it is just a melancholy rant.

  2. #2
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Oh, I'm so sorry, pinkytoe. I know that you have been missing TX, and this must really make you miss it even more. I've thought a lot about the concept of a "sense of place" and how important it is for people to feel rooted in something. I guess you have to define your roots and then decide accordingly.

    Such a bummer. I keep thinking, how will I feel if my THREE children who live in VT move away? Will I still feel rooted here? If so, why? What, if anything, have I done in the past four years to make me feel like I belong? Would I feel that way if my kids weren't here? It is an important question.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear.

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    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    That’s awful! Finding your tribe is so important.

  5. #5
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    I am sorry you are going through this, pinkytoe. Maybe the universe is making it easier for you to get back to Texas to be nearer your daughter and grandchildren. I am so sorry about your brothers leaving. That is very tough.

  6. #6
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    That is really tough.

    FWIW, I had to struggle with this exactly when DH passed. Would I move nearer my two kids or a community that I had earlier lived in for 8 years or stay put?
    Eventually, I realized that it was all based on what was right and important for me. I love the current area for its climate, community resources, the activities that are important to me. I loved having a sense of a 40 year history in my present location, with friends; kids and their families enjoyed coming to visit despite the distance to travel.

    What guided my decision - I could live quite independently by carefully choosing my new home in the good climate, my kids will definitely move to unknown locations with their jobs or post-retirement, my kids live full independent lives of their own and so relying on them for my emotional and social needs is unrealistic, at some point I may need more support which is readily available at a cost, technology has made possible personal enrichment beyond belief and ready contact with family. I arranged a team of professional support - tradesmen, handyman, healthcare services etc.
    Ultimately it came down to the fact that I love this beautiful very stable area (economically, food/water supply, accessibility) on the north shore of Lake Erie but always understanding that if I have to move to greater support such as a retirement home, I could and would travel wherever I needed to go. I explained my reasoning to family and it has been a harmonious choice.

    Wishing you find a peaceful and harmonious resolution going forward. It is challenging time for many.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  7. #7
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    Hugs to you, pinkytoe. I agree with what the others have written. If you truly want to "follow" family/friends, the only thing I can think of is mobile living. Otherwise, stay comfortably where you are and take the opportunities to travel/visit them. I know nothing is this simple. While the separation can be painful, I'm hopeful you will find ways to stay connected and even build new "anchors".
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. HH Dalai Lama
    In a world where you can be anything - be kind. Unknown

  8. #8
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I know the feeling. I went from 25+ years of not being able to imagine leaving my St. louis neighborhood to deciding to move to a small town. That chsnge took place over a two year period. The main impetus for this mindset change was when four households of our closest friends moved away.

    Without them, it does seem a major anchor is gone from our lives.

    Within a two year period my vision of our future changed.

    I’m extremely fortunate that DH is very flexible and is always ready to try a new adventure. At this time he’s probably more invested in Hermann living than I am.

    I also think our Hermann property will be very good for him because there’s a lot to putter around with. And then, there’s always the community institutions he could help with if he wants to venture out, such as the garden club, the historical society, etc.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    I have moved so many times that I would never consider leaving Reno. It’s difficult finding close friends that you really enjoy and have no desire to build that again. While it’s nice that 2 of my kids live here for now I wouldn’t follow them either.

  10. #10
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    I am not one of those grandparents who wants to follow my kids around but sure would like to see them more often. But much of Texas in my rear view mirror holds little appeal.The good thing is I can find my gardening tribe just about anyplace. In fact, it is what I am considering now as one of my prime considerations. Decent soil, ample water - where I am now is a real challenge to be a gardener. I'll figure it out and as I have learned if I don't make a decision, life certainly will make one for me.

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