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Thread: The vultures are back again

  1. #1
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    The vultures are back again

    DH's brother and his wife are back in full opportunistic mode. I have mentioned them before on this forum and the old version.

    DH has an Uncle on his mom's side who never got married, never had a girlfriend. There is only Uncle B and another Uncle left on that side of the family. DH is Uncle B's POA. medical POA and executor of his estate. UB lived an extremely frugal life and has a few million dollars. He is currently living in an assisted living place. He bought a 2019 Ford SUV (paid cash) that he cannot drive. It stays at our house and DH uses it to take UB to town, Dr appointments etc. He bought because it's very easy for him to get in and out of. It only has 2K (yes 2000) miles on it. The last six months, UB has shown some cognitive issues and memory loss. Some days are better than others. DH brother (R) and his wife (Ra) went to visit UB over Christmas and supposably UB told them that their oldest daughter could have this SUV. R called DH and told him this. in a voice mail and wanted to come pick up the SUV. DH went to see UB and asked him about it and he had no recollection of telling R and Ra that they could have it.
    Now UB has money set aside with the amounts of who gets what in his will. Its all very very generous. DH has not called and talked to R and Ra that 1) UB doesn't remember saying that. 2) how is UB going to get around in try to get in and out of our vehicles. That's what was tried when UB's truck was too hard for him to get in and out of. and that's why he bought the SUV. 3) If R and Ra oldest DD gets this car... how is that going to over with the rest of the extended family members.
    Sunday R called leaving a voice mail wanting to pick up the SUV, and Ra, who is a nurse wants to be involved in his medical care ( Ra is a very very intrusive, pushy person who has a very long history of sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. The assisted living place is very small ( 7 residents) and they know that DH has medical and legal POA. Ra has already made a pest of herself that this place and is not liked at all.
    DH is going to have to talk to his brother and tell that this is not happening and that UB has memory issues so no SUV for them. And No Ra is not going to be involved. The only reason she wants to be involved is because UB is wealthy and wants to get $$$$$ and she's a control freak. even though he gets excellent care where he is at.

    I was hoping that after his parents passed away and we got the house cleaned up and sold (that was a CF) that we would not have to deal with them any more. UGH !!!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    What a headache! It’s really good that the uncle has you and your husband to look after him. He chose the right people. It’s a lot of work to be someone’s guardian and I know from personal experience.

  3. #3
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    I'm so sorry that you and your dh are having to deal with "family" like this.
    To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer." Mahatma Gandhi
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    I'm so sorry Boss Mare. How tough is your husband in dealing with them? Stay strong.

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    Oh, boss mare, what an awful situation to have to deal with. so sorry you have this on your plate.

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    I'm so sorry you have to deal with them, boss mare.

    Is DH have guardianship of Uncle B? If not, he needs to consult a lawyer and start the process. It will protect him and you. Tell the assisted living people in writing that Ra is not to be involved in Uncle B's medical care or any other decisions affecting Uncle B and that only DH or his designated person has that authority. Tell R and Ra that effective immediately all communication must be in writing. Never hurts to have a paper trail.

    How petty are R and Ra? Will they make accusations of elder abuse if they're denied the SUV or access to Uncle B's accounts? With the amount of money involved, it might be a good idea to find a lawyer that can handle that too. Money and inheritance issues often bring out the worst in people. Dad had to fight his sister over everything involving grandma's care when she was diagnosed with dementia, and grandma didn't have a huge amount of money. One of the things he regrets is not lawyering up earlier.

  7. #7
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Get a lawyer to deal with this and a needed paper trail will result. With that R and Ra will need to communicate with the lawyer so at arm's length.
    Just wanted to caution that any contacts these two have when visiting uncle cannot get him to sign over to them property, assets or a change in POA, executorship, etc
    Last edited by razz; 1-13-22 at 9:37pm.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  8. #8
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hana View Post
    I'm so sorry you have to deal with them, boss mare.

    Is DH have guardianship of Uncle B? If not, he needs to consult a lawyer and start the process. It will protect him and you. Tell the assisted living people in writing that Ra is not to be involved in Uncle B's medical care or any other decisions affecting Uncle B and that only DH or his designated person has that authority. Tell R and Ra that effective immediately all communication must be in writing. Never hurts to have a paper trail.

    How petty are R and Ra? Will they make accusations of elder abuse if they're denied the SUV or access to Uncle B's accounts? With the amount of money involved, it might be a good idea to find a lawyer that can handle that too. Money and inheritance issues often bring out the worst in people. Dad had to fight his sister over everything involving grandma's care when she was diagnosed with dementia, and grandma didn't have a huge amount of money. One of the things he regrets is not lawyering up earlier.
    If the old uncle is mostly in charge of his mental facilities, I don’t know that anyone can get guardianship over him.


    Friendsrecently went through that some weeks ago. Their de facto son-in-law was shot at and run over with the car while carrying out his duties as a security guard. He was in a coma for weeks. His parents are, what relatives have referred to as “wolves. “ Kinda like the vultures. He was mostly estranged from them anyway, but the second this tragedy happened, they came to town and took all of his possessions from the hospital, went to his house and rattled through to find paperwork. Tried to use his charge card at a local restaurant. Tried to shake down his employer for regular cash to pay their expenses while in town.All the while his de facto wife was there, And they refused to have her admitted to visit him.


    The wife is only 30 years old, went to court to get guardianship over him and his estate And his medical decisionsbecause they’ve been living together for many years and they have joint assets. She D?iD get guardianship over him. He came out of the coma a few weeks ago. He’s severely damaged, he will not walk again. He’s had pretty severe brain trauma, but he knows what’s going on.


    They are getting married this weekend he’s adopting as his name her name. He knows his parents are bad for him even in a somewhat diminished mental state.

  9. #9
    Senior Member boss mare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hana View Post
    I'm so sorry you have to deal with them, boss mare.

    Is DH have guardianship of Uncle B? If not, he needs to consult a lawyer and start the process. It will protect him and you. Tell the assisted living people in writing that Ra is not to be involved in Uncle B's medical care or any other decisions affecting Uncle B and that only DH or his designated person has that authority. Tell R and Ra that effective immediately all communication must be in writing. Never hurts to have a paper trail.

    How petty are R and Ra? Will they make accusations of elder abuse if they're denied the SUV or access to Uncle B's accounts? With the amount of money involved, it might be a good idea to find a lawyer that can handle that too. Money and inheritance issues often bring out the worst in people. Dad had to fight his sister over everything involving grandma's care when she was diagnosed with dementia, and grandma didn't have a huge amount of money. One of the things he regrets is not lawyering up earlier.

    Ra is extremely petty, and she lives to be the victim .... OMG the stories I could tell She is not well thought of with DH's extended family. However, the one redeeming of living in a small town/ county is that everyone knows everyone's business. The attorney that drew up DH parents paperwork is the same attorney that drew up UB paperwork. When R complained about their family house being sold in the manner it was ... He was asked: Do you have a buyer lined up? To which he didn't. They make good money, but they are not good stewards of it. AKA always in debt. The amout of IOUs that we found awhile cleaning out DH's parents place was astounding... Over 40K. R and Ra think that because I show horses and lived in what is now considered extremely high-income area, that I have bled him dry. Quite the opposite. I lived there wayyyy before it was considered well-to-do and sold while it was high. My place in Bellevue, I bought for 125K in the late 80's was sold in 2003 for 500K.. Like I said in an earlier thread, I financed my horse habit by selling / horses/ tack. And R and Ra don't have the proverbial pot to contest UB handling of the SUV or anything else,
    Edited :To Be continued . Stay tuned lol

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