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Thread: Governed by guilt

  1. #21
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    I also think of guilt being outer-directed (you have internalized someone else's standards of behavior) while regret is more inner-directed, that you have lost something that was of value to you.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Please articulate the difference between guilt and regret.


    I’ll start: I have guilt when I’m responsible for something I didn’t want to happen, Causes negativity for others.


    I have regret when I wish I didn’t do something that cost an outcome affecting only me.???…???

    Someone else can do a better job than I did.
    I think that’s true. Guilt comes from transgressing against some moral code: i.e. I shouldn’t have embezzled that money. People try exploiting this when they attempt to shame others (which generally requires some assumption of moral authority).

    Regret comes from making a bad judgment call: i.e. I wish I hadn’t sold those Microsoft shares when I did. People can mock your stupidity, but there isn’t an element of shame involved.

  3. #23
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    I think LDAHL articulated the closest to what I was thinking. Guilt is what I feel when I have not lived up to my own standards of what I expect from myself as a decent human being. We recently spent over $2000 on dental work for Oggie. I feel some guilt that we did not address his dental issues sooner, since his mouth was surely causing him pain, and the idea that we let him suffer unnecessarily makes me feel pretty terrible.
    Regret is all those coulda-shoulda-wouldas, ha, too many to count. One example is not having taken maximum advantage of my company's 401k plan from the very beginning. I ended up doing OK, but I could have done so much better.
    For both types of scenarios, I do my best to learn from them and then move on. Raymond will always have the best dental care imaginable.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
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    I try to avoid all forms of self blame for past events. I suppose by nature it's unavoidable, but not something that is healthy to dwell upon. I suppose the formal act of confession and absolution of sins has a similar function.

  5. #25
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    IMHO, Regret is something that cannot usually be undone. Guilt is when I knew better and still did it. Both help to direct the way ahead, something learned and avoided in future.
    That is why chocolate is such a challenge - once eaten, that is it. I still didn't learn and repeated with the second bar until guilt took over. We are talking serious issues here.
    As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by razz View Post
    IMHO, Regret is something that cannot usually be undone. Guilt is when I knew better and still did it. Both help to direct the way ahead, something learned and avoided in future.
    That is why chocolate is such a challenge - once eaten, that is it. I still didn't learn and repeated with the second bar until guilt took over. We are talking serious issues here.
    I would have frozen the chocolate bars for later, and eaten them a portion at a time, and considered myself frugal. Maybe I am too guilt-free. But no regret, either if you kept them for later.

  7. #27
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I would have eaten all of them, belched delicately, and moved along.

  8. #28
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    LOL, Jane.
    If they were dark chocolate, you could tell yourself that you were just doing it for the antioxidants.

  9. #29
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    That's it--antioxidants! And magnesium!

  10. #30
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    I would have frozen the chocolate bars for later, and eaten them a portion at a time, and considered myself frugal. Maybe I am too guilt-free. But no regret, either if you kept them for later.
    Never thought of freezing chocolate bars. But my favorite aunt used to have a box of Russell Stover chocolates in the drawer in the living room. She would have one every night, and she called it her "little black pill."

    I like that prescription! I always admired her willpower in not going back for seconds or thirds. But she never did.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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