latest issue with Mom

[Tybee]

The latest issue with my mother involves continued problems with her behavior and blood pressure and medication.

She has two guardians now, and they have disagreed on whether to discontinue the blood pressure meds she supposedly started in the fall. I'm unclear as to when she actually started them. The professional guardian feels they should be discontinued because she has an idea that Mom wants no medical care and she tells us "your mother never wanted medical care and fought going to the doctor," which is inaccurate, since I knew my mother and talked with her about her doctor visits pre dementia. But she has had dementia for a very long time now. My brother has wanted to keep her on bp meds to avoid her having a stroke that leaves her worse off.

Would you consider bp medication as palliative care? That is the model they are going with, supposedly.

This is very unpleasant and dragging on. Not at all happy with people who will not follow doctor orders. If you don't like the plan of care, find a doctor you agree with, but have a plan and have medical care in place. Don't just stick her in a room to die.

Or if you want to do that, for the love of God, get her on hospice. They won't do that either.

[Yppej]

If a stroke will not kill you (and it might not) but leave you paralyzed with a lower quality of life then I think the BP meds are justified if she will take them. I would not shove them down her throat.

[Tybee]

That is my brother's thinking. The pro guardian is arguing with him. I agree with him. But with her in her current state, any meds are like shoving them down her throat, in her mind. She is very resistant and aggressive and they don't even want to take her vitals anymore.

[early morning]

Oh, Tybee, that's a conundrum, and I am so sorry you have that to deal with. My grandmother had a series of strokes before she passed, each one taking more of her ability to speak and move. I do think your brother has it right as far as it's a quality of life issue, if on the preventative side. I have never understood why so many meds have to come in pill form. Can't they figure out better delivery methods? Flavored small drink, embedded in chocolate, SOMETHING? If you can get vitamin gummies, and pot gummies, why can't they make blood pressure gummies?? I am SO thankful my mother's dementia left her rude and sarcastic (and funny as hell) but not aggressive. Her sister, in her early phases of Alzheimer's, chased staff out of her room with whatever came to hand. She had a good arm and good aim. It was pretty difficult to get her care for a while. Thinking of you....

[herbgeek]

so sorry Tybee. I understand how tough this is. My mom is still on a blood thinner (because of past strokes) and I wonder if we should renew it. She also has a pacemaker, and at some point in the next few years we'll have to decide whether to replace the batteries. She is sad all the time, and takes no joy in anything any longer and just complains about the assisted living even though there are now regular meals and company and activities that she didn't have at home. She was always a Debbie Downer, but this has gotten worse with the death of my dad 2 years ago (he spent hours each day cheering her up) and her increasing dementia. Because she can't remember, she's convinced we've all abandoned her- even though she gets visits at least twice and sometimes more each week. Its a horrible way to live, as a prisoner of your own mind.

[happystuff]

I'm so sorry, Tybee. I have no advice to offer, as others have more experience with this. Sending prayers and positive thoughts that all will eventually go well.

[iris lilies]

These are tough decisions Tybee that’s for sure. How would her daily care change if she was under hospice care?

[Tybee]

Oh, Tybee, that's a conundrum, and I am so sorry you have that to deal with. My grandmother had a series of strokes before she passed, each one taking more of her ability to speak and move. I do think your brother has it right as far as it's a quality of life issue, if on the preventative side. I have never understood why so many meds have to come in pill form. Can't they figure out better delivery methods? Flavored small drink, embedded in chocolate, SOMETHING? If you can get vitamin gummies, and pot gummies, why can't they make blood pressure gummies?? I am SO thankful my mother's dementia left her rude and sarcastic (and funny as hell) but not aggressive. Her sister, in her early phases of Alzheimer's, chased staff out of her room with whatever came to hand. She had a good arm and good aim. It was pretty difficult to get her care for a while. Thinking of you....

Those are great ideas about the delivery system. My mom is acting more like your aunt.

[Tybee]

so sorry Tybee. I understand how tough this is. My mom is still on a blood thinner (because of past strokes) and I wonder if we should renew it. She also has a pacemaker, and at some point in the next few years we'll have to decide whether to replace the batteries. She is sad all the time, and takes no joy in anything any longer and just complains about the assisted living even though there are now regular meals and company and activities that she didn't have at home. She was always a Debbie Downer, but this has gotten worse with the death of my dad 2 years ago (he spent hours each day cheering her up) and her increasing dementia. Because she can't remember, she's convinced we've all abandoned her- even though she gets visits at least twice and sometimes more each week. Its a horrible way to live, as a prisoner of your own mind.

That is so hard, about the pacemaker. I am glad we are not up against that. Otherwise, the situation is similar, although my mom is farther gone with respect to language, etc, which is new since summer. I see much deterioration each time I visit.

[Tybee]

I'm so sorry, Tybee. I have no advice to offer, as others have more experience with this. Sending prayers and positive thoughts that all will eventually go well.

thank you, really appreciate the prayers! I feel like that is actually the one thing helping right now.