House next door sold for $100K over list

[rosarugosa]

Catherine: I too am sorry about this difficult situation. Of course you will help your BIL because neither you nor DH have it in you to ignore his plight. However, I do feel strongly that you shouldn't go so far as to take on another mortgage to buy a property in which to house him; that would seriously undermine your own financial situation. As far as it being a good investment, it also doesn't sound like you and DH are really cut out to be landlords. Can you comfortably afford another property, even without steady rental income? Will you be OK with evicting a tenant who has a legitimate hardship situation and cannot pay the rent? I certainly don't mean it as an insult, but I think you are too soft-hearted to be a landlord.

[catherine]

Catherine: I too am sorry about this difficult situation. Of course you will help your BIL because neither you nor DH have it in you to ignore his plight. However, I do feel strongly that you shouldn't go so far as to take on another mortgage to buy a property in which to house him; that would seriously undermine your own financial situation. As far as it being a good investment, it also doesn't sound like you and DH are really cut out to be landlords. Can you comfortably afford another property, even without steady rental income? Will you be OK with evicting a tenant who has a legitimate hardship situation and cannot pay the rent? I certainly don't mean it as an insult, but I think you are too soft-hearted to be a landlord.

Yeah, that is not the best option. I agree. Again, I'm just throwing ideas at the wall. I also considered adding a second floor to my house, which we've been thinking about anyway, but that is an expensive option, too. If we had kept the house in NJ it would be easy to just have him come stay with us because we had plenty of room, but the high property taxes in NJ made hour unaffordable for us in the long run.

I am definitely in favor of not spending a penny more than we're comfortable with from a financial solvency position, but I'm sure any good option will cost us something.

[sweetana3]

Perhaps the best option is to find a very small cheap place for him to sleep just where he is and pay directly for it! so he cannot use the money on anything else. At least your expenses are fixed and you can manage them more effectively. You cannot keep him from drinking or spending his money on whatever. This could help your husband know he is doing something, keep the BIL out of your constant view where his bad decision will continue to affect you all, and keep him where he seems to want to live.


ps: it does not have to be a beach house, does not have to be more than one room think tiny studio, does not have to be close to work think no commute, etc. He is probably only going to use it to drink since he cannot even live in a dry safe cheap location.

Have you or better your husband gone to Al-Anon for families and those dealing with others and their drinking? A friend went to learn how to deal with her own daughter and it was incredibly helpful. Note: her daughter went thru diversion for 2 DUI's and successfully stopped drinking. Her mother learned to step away. Now the daughter is married, working and a new mother. The program can help a lot.

[rosarugosa]

Is he eligible for subsidized housing, senior or otherwise? That would really be the best solution for everyone.

[catherine]

Is he eligible for subsidized housing, senior or otherwise? That would really be the best solution for everyone.

Yes, we will definitely work on that.

[Tybee]

Yes, we will definitely work on that.

I think it's great to support him as he tries to find subsidized housing. What I don't think is good is for you to immediately take on this problem. When you say, "Yeah, people may say "just let him sleep under a bridge because he made his bed," but I have known all along that I would not allow BIL to sleep on the streets. "

I think that you are thinking that you have more power here than you actually have. "I would not allow BIL to sleep on the streets"-- but it's not up to you, in the end, whether he sleeps on the streets--it is up to him, unfortunately. Step 1 states, "“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable.” Are future actions that we take making our lives more unmanageable? I think actions like buying a condo or putting a second story on your house and moving him in--these are not acknowledging the reality of our powerlessness over alcohol, and alcoholism.

That's my thoughts right now.

[JaneV2.0]

It dismays me how off-handedly society celebrates drinking. People lovingly document every wine tasting and umbrella drink on social media. Memes abound touting booze as the antidote to domesticity. Often, it's like watching a disaster in slow motion.

[happystuff]

catherine, just coming to this and wanted to say I'm sorry you and your dh are caught up again. But such is "family". You have received a lot of good advice and suggestion above. If you feel compelled to do something, I do like sweetana's suggestion about a little place that you directly make payments on - no money to bil.

Regardless of what you end up doing, you all have my prayers.

[iris lilies]

If supporting BIL means Catherine has to work another decade, I say that is complete bullshit.

[JaneV2.0]

If supporting BIL means Catherine has to work another decade, I say that is complete bullshit.

I'm definitely not a "people person" (have you noticed?) but I can't imagine being such an unapologetic parasite that you would repeatedly f**k up your life and expect everyone around you to rush forth to shower you with money and other forms of support. I'm amazed--but not surprised, I guess--at how often this happens. I suppose I should marvel at the human capacity for forgiveness and mercy.