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Thread: House next door sold for $100K over list

  1. #71
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneV2.0 View Post
    I'll expect "after" pictures!
    Here's the "before":


  2. #72
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Wow. Best wishes for your dad, bae!

    A couple of months ago I reported that BIL was doing great--had stopped drinking, had a job, and had signed on to share a house in a really nice neighborhood.

    Well, he does have a decent job, and he kind of stopped drinking, but when he went to move into the shared house, as it turns out he didn't know it was a dry house. That's another story, but the real bottom line is, my son called me and said that we need to talk about BIL--he has been living in his car... afraid to tell family that he is broke and can't afford his hotel room anymore.

    Not a surprise. The writing we all saw on the wall has crystalized. And of course, timed perfectly so that any decent, habitable place is well beyond his reach. I can't tell you how often I told him after he cashed out of his house to just find a cheap mobile home and buy it!!! As long as you have a roof over your head you'll be fine.

    I haven't told DH this because BIL has begged DS NOT to tell his father. But DS has given BIL his credit card for 4 nights in a hotel, and apparently the golf course where BIL works will pick up again soon, and he's owed some unemployment, etc etc none of which is sustainable.

    So now, alone because I can't tell DH, I wonder what the options are. Yeah, people may say "just let him sleep under a bridge because he made his bed," but I have known all along that I would not allow BIL to sleep on the streets. My thought is, help him find a subsidized housing situation, or we buy a cheap condo/apartment and get what we can for it from him, ie. 1/3 of his wages. At least it's a quasi-investment for us if we do that.

    This is all a brain dump because DS just had this convo with me, and I haven't been able to talk to anyone else about it. Sorry to have gotten off-track, but bae's lucky find for his dad is what I'm hoping for BIL (and for DH and I). One thing I haven't mentioned that DD and DSIL own a two-family and are looking to buy a single family and keep the two-family, so that is an option for sometime down the line.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #73
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Wow. Best wishes for your dad, bae!

    ...

    So now, alone because I can't tell DH, I wonder what the options are. Yeah, people may say "just let him sleep under a bridge because he made his bed," but I have known all along that I would not allow BIL to sleep on the streets. My thought is, help him find a subsidized housing situation, or we buy a cheap condo/apartment and get what we can for it from him, ie. 1/3 of his wages. At least it's a quasi-investment for us if we do that.

    This is all a brain dump because DS just had this convo with me, and I haven't been able to talk to anyone else about it. Sorry to have gotten off-track, but bae's lucky find for his dad is what I'm hoping for BIL (and for DH and I). One thing I haven't mentioned that DD and DSIL own a two-family and are looking to buy a single family and keep the two-family, so that is an option for sometime down the line.
    I would include mobile home parks if their space rent is reasonable, also. But as much as my impulse would be to mumble "You made your bed...," I can see why that isn't really an option. Human relations are messy....

  4. #74
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    I am going to get to work thinking about what I would do in your situation, and what I would do if I were in BIL's situation, and will weigh in later. Just wanted to say how sorry I am, and how good you are to value your family and your family relationships so dearly. And I hope you get some good ideas as to how to deal with this and be helpful to him as well.

  5. #75
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    I am going to get to work thinking about what I would do in your situation, and what I would do if I were in BIL's situation, and will weigh in later.
    It's difficult. I had a cousin, that I was very close to, who we just had the memorial ceremony for. We saw him last alive around the Christmas season.

    He was a talented musician, actor, and teacher. He was also a lifelong alcoholic. He lived in Manhattan for decades working in theater. His mother supported him continually until she passed away - he was moderately successful, but his lifestyle burned through $$$ like crazy.

    When she died, she left him about $800k. He burned through that money in about 5 years, and eventually got thrown out of his nice rent-controlled apartment in NYC for not paying them the quite minimal rent. Losing all of his belongings in the process.

    Then he moved from New York to Colorado without a penny to his name, and tried to rebuild a career, and moved in with an elderly relative as a caregiver, a role he filled for 5-6 years with varying degrees of success. When that relative died, he inherited about $700k cash from her.

    He burned through *that* money in ~5 years. I spent some time trying to teach him how to set the money aside and live off the earnings, but it didn't go well. At the start, brokerage houses wouldn't even take his funds, his financial history was so spotty.

    Without telling any of us, starting about last June he had been thrown out of the decent house he was renting in Colorado, and again lost all of his belongings, including many priceless (and some very pricey...) family heirlooms he inherited in addition to the $700k. One small piece of pottery that vanished in the final stages was worth nearly $40k. And perhaps ~$200k of other artwork.

    He was living in his car from June->December. We knew something was up when we were having trouble contacting him (as usual) for months before Christmas. We had to contact a friend in his town to find him...

    Anyways, just recently, while drunk, he slipped, hit his head, and suffered an intracranial hematoma. His BAC was off-the-charts.

    We tried over the decades many interventions, treatment centers, direct financial support (I probably have sent him $150k over the past years), and months of in-person support and cleanup.

    No joy. Alcoholism is a bitch.

  6. #76
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Catherine I’m sorry about your brother-in-law. The secret being passed around your family is not good for your family relations. I don’t think BIL deserves secret-keeping, that kind of stuff is just dumb and is poisonous. It’s just another instance of BIL inserting chaos into your lives.

    He needs to get onto senior citizen housing wait list even though I’m sure it will be months or years before anything comes up for him.

    I do like the idea of him renting a room from someone who is responsible for the entire house, and all he has to do is pay one money per month.

  7. #77
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    Such sad stories about lost souls.

  8. #78
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Catherine, add me to the list of people here who is so sorry to hear this. Such a difficult situation, probably without a lot of good options and certainly none that I can just spout off off the top of my head.

    One perspective I will bring to the table is that living in the closet sucks. When I came out to my parents all those years ago I was more concerned about how my father would react than my mother. (Probably because he was a dude and in my mind straight dudes were more homophobic. In hindsight it turns out that I was wrong and that he was the one that convinced my mom that this was not a big deal.) After I came out to them and everyone else in my life one of my dealbreakers when meeting anyone new was that I wasn't going to date someone that was still in the closet with anyone who mattered to them. That would have required that I be in their closet as well and I wasn't willing to go back to that bad lifestyle.

    Anyway, that wasn't my point. My point is that I told both of them at the same time so that neither had to keep a secret like that from the other. That just didn't seem like a fair ask.

    I know that BIL has asked for secrecy but your DH deserves to know what is going on. Someone (your son maybe since he is physically closest?) needs to get BIL to agree to let the cat out of the bag and probably needs to be firm enough about it to make clear that if BIL won't spill the beans that he (son) will. Yes, BIL's embarrassed and ashamed and whatever. And yes, potentially he can hide this from your DH until he dies under a bridge or whatever. But then what? Your DH will now have the heartbreak of knowing that maybe he could have done something to help if only he had known. Compounded by what his reaction will be if BIL dies under a bridge and then he finds out that you knew but didn't tell him. BIL's life story is undoubtedly heartbreaking enough for your DH without adding this to the heartbreak.

  9. #79
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jp1 View Post
    Your DH will now have the heartbreak of knowing that maybe he could have done something to help if only he had known. Compounded by what his reaction will be if BIL dies under a bridge and then he finds out that you knew but didn't tell him. BIL's life story is undoubtedly heartbreaking enough for your DH without adding this to the heartbreak.
    This! A hundred times this.
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  10. #80
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    This! A hundred times this.
    No, this "secret" is a short-term secret--like less than a week. In fact I already set the stage, without stating specifics, telling DH that we have to come up with a short-term and long-term plan for his brother, and he agrees--he knows he's broke but just not how broke. As it happens, we were planning on going to NJ Thursday for grandson's birthday and BIL will be there, so it will be a perfect opportunity for a heart-to-heart.

    I looked at Airbnb for cheaper places to live near his job and I was astounded by how expensive SHARED places are. $2800/mo!!! He can get an apartment for about $1500. He earns about $18/hr + tips. Getting him an apartment in NJ is not wise in the sense that he's already acknowledged he'll be moving out of of state after the golf season--probably VT where it's still expensive, but there are long-term options and he'd be near us. Did I mention he has chronic heart failure? It's well-managed now, but...

    Thanks for the thoughts and ideas....
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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