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Thread: Usual practice for helping adult children following childbirth?

  1. #11
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    Usual, depends on the family.

  2. #12
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post

    I'd concentrate on practical things you can do, like clean her house and make meals, if she is someone who will accept that.

    ....

    It was hard for me to not roll my eyes when they would explain all the intricacies of childcare and bonding to me, and none of my opinions were correct, yet they could not seem to keep up with dishes and laundry, when I had twins and did everything myself. There is definitely a social expectation that having children is grueling now, which was not around when I had them.

    My mom came and spent a week with me and my first baby. ... She was great, and did all the cooking, and made me drink Guinness at lunch each day, which she said would help me have strength to nurse. I, of course, assumed everything she told me was gospel and dutifully drank my giant beer.

    It is lucky my son survived, looking back.
    Yeah, my kids are all amazed that I survived raising 4 kids, now that 2 of them are tearing their hair out with 2. I agree with what you said about how they seem to perceive it all as "grueling"--it could be because so many have delayed childbearing for a decade or more vs my generation. The loss of freedom is perceived as a bigger loss and maybe the disruption in their lives that have been set by childfree routines has been a bit of a crushing blow. I know DD (36 y.o.) already went through a mini-grieving process of all the things she won't be doing anymore (travel at the drop of a hat, for example).

    Boy, I wish someone had been around to medicate me with Guinness!! I'm sure your son thrived on the psychological and nutritional liquid medicine your mother wisely and judiciously prescribed!

    Thanks, all, for your thoughts. I like the idea of very limited, targeted help with specific tasks at her request.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    On another forum with younger people it’s amazing how difficult they think having kids is. They tend to be high income so throw lots of money at the problem. You really hit the nail on the head Tybee.

  4. #14
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    I think it is difficult, I mean I take it as a given that of course both parents are working full time (and commuting), but that alone is difficult even with NO kids. It's tiring. Then ADD responsibilities for kids.

    I guess one could see it casually as having minimal responsibilities to kids and just dragging them along as you do life (but of course you need daycare for the 40+ hours you work beyond what school takes care of, so add expenses). My parents were pretty neglectful, but there is a fine line between not going to out of the way for kids and being neglectful.
    Trees don't grow on money

  5. #15
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    My kids have always been the most important thing in my life.

  6. #16
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    I think every mom is different, and the important thing is to just follow their lead and not judge.

    My sister, with whom I have sort of a tricky relationship, asked if she could come a month after my daughter was born, and I really wanted her to wait a few more months, but she insisted. Though she was helpful when she was here, it was hard for me to have anyone besides my best friend see me at that juncture - I just felt so tired and hormonal and unsure if I was doing anything right, so I totally understand why some moms want privacy.

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