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Thread: Who will take care of you when you are old?

  1. #1
    Senior Member flowerseverywhere's Avatar
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    Who will take care of you when you are old?

    My husbands cancer dx really threw us off base. Luckily he is doing well, but I got to thinking who would take care of me if he wasn't doing well. No one would have devoted the time and effort I did unless they were spouse/so, parent and possibly child. But my children have jobs, kids and so on.

    So we had previously moved to a one story house. When we moved in we had ADA handrails put in our walk in roman shower (no lip on the floor). We have hand held shower heads and a shower chair. Those really came in handy several times these past months. Also no step to get from garage to house. A neighbor has a wheelchair we could borrow and another neighbor a really nice walker with a seat.

    So not only did I get him to where he had to be, I suddenly had full responsibility for bills, household chores in and out and so on. Several times friends took him to appointment and I took advantage of grocery delivery. We were not prepared for the emotional hit we would take as his illness dominated every waking moment. The kids took some time off to see him and take him to a few appointments and did some chores I could not do. I hired someone to do the grass and bushes.
    We are lucky we had the extra money to do this, and our insurance has been spectacular. I don't know what people do that have no money, poor or no insurance, or no family able to care for them.

    So who will do it for you? Do you have any plans if you get sick?

  2. #2
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    There is no one. Can only hope we die together.

    Had someone come into our house last winter to make sure everything was ok while we were gone. Found things missing when we got back. Can’t imagine what would/will happen when we are incapacitated or the type of abuse we will be subject to.

  3. #3
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Despite demographic odds, it is likely that DH will survive me and be in better shape.


    However, if he goes downhill quickly or dies, I’m out of here and I’ll move back to where my brother and sister-in-law are. They’re 10 years younger than I am.

    I understand and worry about that “illness dominating every waking moment “ situation.

    Fortunately we, like you, have cash to do stuff. To hire pet sitters. To stay in our condo in the city to be by a major health centers. To hire grocery delivery, DoorDash, and get Uber drivers.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
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    I'm hoping the nest egg I've put a side for care in old age will be enough to provide some comfort and a tolerable quality of life, but there are a lot of unknowns. Among my small circle of friends and family I'm about the healthiest or youngest one, so I'm not expecting much help in the later years.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Tradd's Avatar
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    Given I’m single without kids, I’ve thought about that. It will be my goddaughter’s parents. They hold my medical POA. They’re 10-15 years younger than I am, so it’s not like they’re the same age.
    Last edited by Tradd; 9-14-22 at 1:14am.

  6. #6
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    DH had a health scare three years ago, and for a couple of months we were exactly where you have been for much longer, flowers. It is terrifying. I'm the sole breadwinner, and suddenly I'm spending 4 days out of every week navigating 4-5 different specialist appointments, managing medications, making sure he takes them, worrying myself sick that I'm going to lose him, etc, etc.

    It was at that point that I determined that I had to get rid of the NJ house. I've been criticized by my family and friends for giving my son a deal to rent it at that time, but all I wanted was to downsize my life and my expenses so that I'd be able to back off projects in case I'd have to take on the role of full-time caregiver.

    So I have had a taste of what you're going through--being faced with having to put your life on hold. Because if that experience, I live all year round in a tiny house.

    I don't know who would be my caregiver if DH were to go before me and I needed assistance. But I do have three kids who live close by. But I hope against hope that they don't ever have to put their lives on hold for me.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  7. #7
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    Noone, maybe my partner if they outlived me (I'm older by a couple years but women live longer - sucks but those are the stats). But mostly noone.
    Trees don't grow on money

  8. #8
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    I think about that quite a bit actually since a birthday that makes me feel old is coming up. I am a planner by nature but this one is vexing. I would most likely move closer to DD though I hate the thought of adding my troubles to her plate. She will have teen twins when I am in my mid-70s. And/or maybe even a 55+ place at some point if I can afford it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    When I bought my condo my youngest son told me to buy a 2 bedroom so if I ever needed help he could stay with me. If I needed actual physical care like diapers, etc I would hire it or go to a facility. But while both my parents needed help at times it was with making meals, medication, etc which I helped with.

  10. #10
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    Like everybody here, I sincerely hope I just die peacefully in my bed after being together, mentally at least, without being a bother to anybody. Like Catherine, I have kids and I assume they'd help put me in a facility somewhere, although I am guessing that euthanasia is going to be pretty much mandated at that time, so I guess we'll see. My own spiritual belief is that euthanasia is a sin, but I doubt that will factor into it at that point in our country's future.

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