Who will take care of you when you are old?

[iris lilies]

Like everybody here, I sincerely hope I just die peacefully in my bed after being together, mentally at least, without being a bother to anybody. Like Catherine, I have kids and I assume they'd help put me in a facility somewhere, although I am guessing that euthanasia is going to be pretty much mandated at that time, so I guess we'll see. My own spiritual belief is that euthanasia is a sin, but I doubt that will factor into it at that point in our country's future.

I cannot imagine why you’ve come up with the idea that “euthanasia will be pretty much mandated. “

[Tybee]

I cannot imagine why you’ve come up with the idea that “euthanasia will be pretty much mandated. “

And that's because you have not been dealing with my family, probate court, guardianships, conservatorships, assisted living, memory care, and nursing homes over the past five years.

[sweetana3]

I do not want it mandated (this seems a bit excessive) but I want it widely available. Carefully administered but available. My husband knows my wishes and I know his. The Swiss and the Danes seems to have figured it out.

Really irritates me when someone wants to make their religious preferences affect my available decisions. They are totally within their rights to apply their beliefs to themselves.

[Tybee]

I think you will get what you are wishing for, sweetana, I really do. I don't think anyone will stand in the way of making it where euthanasia is widely available.

[pinkytoe]

In my own experience and watching current in-law eldercare situations, it is almost always a daughter who tends an ailing parent. I spent most of my 30s tending an ailing mother and brother as sibs were far away. MIL has been at an assisted living place near her daughter for four years now. SIL visits her almost daily, grocery shops for her, takes her to doctors etc. - all while holding a full time job. None of us ever thought she would live so long and wonder why she lingers on when she sits in her chair all day complaining about everything. I guess if it goes on she will have spent down the hundreds of thousands her husband saved all those years. In any case, as a woman who never took responsibility for her own life, she is very lucky to have such doting care.

[iris lilies]

And that's because you have not been dealing with my family, probate court, guardianships, conservatorships, assisted living, memory care, and nursing homes over the past five years.

Ok, then. Please tell me who’s going to mandate it. You’re talking about government mandated euthanasia, right?

[JaneV2.0]

I don't see any headlong rush toward euthanasia. Eight states do have "death with dignity" laws that are very specific as to what is allowed.

[Tybee]

You may all be right; I guess time will tell.

[JaneV2.0]

I'm hoping professional strangers, personally.

[dado potato]

One resource that I have placed in my DW's hands is "Thinking Ahead Roadmap" ThinkingAheadRoadmap.org produced by the University of MN and AARP.

The essential concept is to recruit your personal financial advocate, inform your advocate of your financial assets and liabilities, as well as your values, needs, and expectations. Appoint the advocate as your financial Power of Attorney. When the time is right shift money management to the advocate.


Personally, I would see whether the accountant who will be preparing my taxes could be persuaded to be my financial advocate. I would expect to compensate my accountant/advocate fairly. It would be a fiduciary relationship designed to deter and prevent elder abuse.

I am preparing my own taxes now, and I have no need of an advocate. But assuming there will be cognitive and/or physical decline in the future, recruiting a financial advocate would be on my to-do list.

And if I am incapacitated or dead, I have "instructed" DW to follow the Thinking Ahead Roadmap, and recruit her financial advocate.

Beyond financial affairs, I read Atul Gawand's book "Being Mortal". He was critical of inadequate "skilled nursing" and "assisted living" facilities, but he had good things to say about Green Houses for the elderly. http://thegreenhouseproject.org If I deteriorate beyond DW ability to provide care, Give me a Shabaz! And if DW deteriorates beyond my ability to provide care at home for her, I would look for the nearest Green House for her.