Parents refusing to give up their kids paid activities

[catherine]

There’s often local teams. No need to pay thousands a month for traveling sports. I think some parents push the kids to do that thinking they will get college scholarship money and end up with nothing.

Well, I certainly wouldn't have had the money for thousands of dollars a month. Our traveling teams only traveled to various towns in NJ, and none required overnight stay, but I know that there are a lot more activities that require much larger investments. I can't pass a blanket judgement on them, but I'm not sure what they're doing if they are prioritizing sports over basic necessities. Putting everything on credit cards?

[Teacher Terry]

My kids were in cub scouts and local Y sports teams where you paid one small fee and they even got a team shirt for that. They all got into bowling leagues eventually and we did travel the state for tournaments but by then we had more money to afford that. I would never prioritize expensive sports over paying bills.

[Simplemind]

Growing up we were in several 4h clubs for various things. As country kids it was a lot of fun. I know it must have been affordable because we were living pretty sparsely in my younger years.
My son tried baseball and it didn't stick and I think the Lord because what was required of us became ridiculous. He never had the team sport mentality and I didn't either though DH did enjoy his part. My son had some learning disabilities and for years had asked for piano lessons. I wish we would have understood and jumped on it from his first interest. OMG, it was shocking how those lessons opened up a part of his brain. It was so remarkable that it was built into his learning plan that he have 10 minutes in the music room before any class that required paper and pencils. His grades shot up and his stress with school went down. I would have sold a kidney to keep him in lessons.

[flowerseverywhere]

In my opinion, financial responsibility is a skill to teach to children. By explaining to them why you cannot afford something, or giving them a choice if financially feasible to choose the most important thing is a far greater lesson than putting a families' finances in danger. We cannot predict the future. Inflation, job loss, rising insurance premiums, a major stock market correction could indeed come into the picture. We have no control over these things but we do have control of our discretionary spending.

One only has to look at the college loan fiasco to realizing as parents teachers and as a society we have been teaching kids the wrong things.

My kids 40+ years old say they have friends who have no qualms about buying new cars or going out to eat but say they can't afford to contribute to their 401k.

Crazy.

[Tradd]

IMO, a lot of it has to do with a lot of parents wanting to be their kids’ “friend.” That means not wanting to say no or do anything to make the kids angry. So, the expensive activities continue even when the family finances can’t handle it.

[catherine]

IMO, a lot of it has to do with a lot of parents wanting to be their kids’ “friend.” That means not wanting to say no or do anything to make the kids angry. So, the expensive activities continue even when the family finances can’t handle it.

This is such an interesting topic, as a parent of 4 adult children and now 5 grandchildren across 3 kids/SOs. It's interesting to watch the parenting styles of my three children with kids.

I think that I was lucky with my life partner because he is definitely the "bad cop" and I'm the "good cop." I think that's a good recipe for raising kids. DH was the disciplinarian. I'm the one they came running to for emotional support. I have one son who is in a "good cop/good cop" arrangement with his partner, and the kids are wonderful, yet a little "freer" than mine were with regard to schedules, expectations, etc. Two "bad cops" might not be enough emotional validation for kids; two "good cops" might wind up being entitled and undisciplined.

In the example of the ignoring financial responsibilities to keep the kids in school activities, I would be the "bad cop" there while DH would probably have been the "good cop" simply because he tends to be clueless about financial matters.