Guilt.....

[gimmethesimplelife]

It's been almost one year since I've moved into management. There have been numerous adjustments I've had to make but as of one year I'm in a better place financially.

So why the guilt? I had my bedroom renovated - below market cost from some very highly skilled Hondurans SO knows. But I find myself disliking myself - so many people not only in my neighborhood but the hourly employees I work with can't afford such even at the good deal I got.

Any advice other than suck it up, Buttercup?

Rob

Came back to add I'm still the same Rob. The curtains in the renovated bedroom? $2 from the Nogales, AZ Goodwill.

[ApatheticNoMore]

Constant remodels for non functional reasons are a pet peeve. It's stupid, people should just live with what they have. I didn't say functional reasons, fixing a roof that leaks or even a kitchen that is too small to work with (like whatever I can work with an apartment kitchen, but there are houses that were build with even smaller kitchens), or adding a room if the place really isn't big enough for the inhabitants - those are functional.

But how much renovation did you really do? A new coat of paint or something? That's nothing. Some new artifacts from the Goodwill? Thrifting used stuff is definitely not worth pretty much any guilt ever (though I've experienced it, buyers regret even from the goodwill).

[Alan]

In the absence of doing harm to someone else, guilt is just a coping mechanism to keep yourself from being happy. I think you should kick it to the curb and move on with a feeling of accomplishment.

[iris lilies]

In the absence of doing harm to someone else, guilt is just a coping mechanism to keep yourself from being happy. I think you should kick it to the curb and move on with a feeling of accomplishment.

I was thinking counseling, and do not mean that in a snarky way, but also—it seems to be the American way to shout “get thee to a therapist.” So, maybe that is too simplistic.

Any continuing thought patterns placed upon ourselves that bring us down and that are not objectively realistic seem ripe for therapeutic exploration.

alternately:

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The Catholic Church was good for a few things…

[bae]

The Catholic Church was good for a few things…

Yes, the sexual abuse of children by one of the local priests in my small village when I was growing up likely produced a lot of business for therapists over the years. And business for the moving companies that kept relocating the priest involved to new, innocent communities, because, well, forgiveness and redemption. Great for the economy!

[ApatheticNoMore]

Counseling for that? Real silly. Counseling has it's uses but to be a better American consumer is not one. That's really not an indication for therapy.

[Tybee]

Is your spending in balance? Are you sharing with others? I started doing something with a tiny charitable donor fund at Schwab--I am contributing to it from my paychecks, and the beneficiaries are my alma mater, my college where I teach, which was started as a historically black school for girls, and a Lakota Sioux college--so it's kind of past, present, and future, and I know good things will happen for people with the money, at least with the Lakota Sioux college--not so convinced with my alma mater, and where I teach can get a little iffy sometimes. But the Sioux college is outstanding. It helps me to feel a little more focused on others and excited for what money can do for others.

And if redoing your bedroom fits into your budget, of course do it--that's a good use of money, I think.

[iris lilies]

Counseling for that? Real silly. Counseling has it's uses but to be a better American consumer is not one. That's really not an indication for therapy.

No no no, not counseling to be a better consumer. Counseling to deal with (what I see as) his rigid thinking that makes him unhappy. He’s talked several times over the years about social class, his own low place in the social strata, his discomfort in this “rise” in “class” that has come with his management job. I find that to be an odd obsession, but it isn’t a problem until it makes him unhappy. And today at seems to be making him unhappy.

But the real life answer is as Tybee says, when our actions don’t align with our values something is off kilter and we might be unhappy.

[Simone]

It's been almost one year since I've moved into management. There have been numerous adjustments I've had to make but as of one year I'm in a better place financially.

So why the guilt? I had my bedroom renovated - below market cost from some very highly skilled Hondurans SO knows. But I find myself disliking myself - so many people not only in my neighborhood but the hourly employees I work with can't afford such even at the good deal I got.

I believe these thoughts arise out of your empathy for people who are underemployed, victimized, poor, etc. You feel close to them, want to defend and live among them

It might help to think how happy you would be if you found one of these people "in a better place." You probably would be upset if someone guilt tripped them over renovating their bedroom.

The Hondurans were probably glad for the work and the recommendations you'll doubtless give. Meanwhile, you can consider being happy for the man who found himself in a better place after so many years of effort.

[gimmethesimplelife]

Thank You, Simone. This is what I needed to hear I believe. I am digesting what you have posted and am letting the guilt go - it's not like I didn't work my butt off for the money. And I will give ghe Hondurans great recommendations if asked.

Thank You, again. Rob

Came back to add - you couldn't be more right with your first paragraph. Rob