Thanksgiving question

[jp1]

I don't have children, both my parents are deceased and one of SO's parents is deceased and the rest of his family still live near each other in suburban St Louis except his two nephews, who are still in the young adult not married phase of life so they still go to St Louis for the holidays if able. My sister and her wife are in San Diego. As such we've spent a lot of christmas's in St Louis and a lot of Thanksgivings in San Diego. Relatively simple and enjoyable as I get along with his family and SO adores my SIL. (He gets along with my sister but pretty much everyone thinks my SIL is AWESOME. And she is. Such a kind, sweet woman. My sister is incredibly lucky (and knows it) to have her in her life.)

Back when my dad was still alive he didn't travel so it was common for us to spend thanksgiving in Denver with him, going out to his favorite restaurant for dinner. I agree with the comment that it feels kind of festive to do that. The staff always seemed happy to be working and all the other customers seemed happy to be enjoying their meals together. And no cooking or cleanup chores. I totally get why people go out for dinner on the holidays. This year we're going to St Louis for Thanksgiving and staying home for Christmas so we'll probably eat out for Christmas, which is fine with me.

I guess I say all that to say that I agree with Iris. Find a way to enjoy the holidays that gives you peace and contentment rather than stress from changed plans and long days driving somewhere you don't want to go. And holidays are overrated. Use other "non-special" times of the year to get together with the grandkids so that you have a good relationship with them. When I was a kid every August my favorite aunt invited me and my sister to come for a week during the county fair in her small town. It was nothing fancy, lots of 4H kids showing off their work raising animals and such, and a small rodeo, etc. But we went to everything and it was always a really great trip during a random week in August. Honestly I can't remember most of the MAJOR HOLIDAY stuff my family did because it was things like spending the week at the county fair, or the time that just she and I went to Mount Sunflower, the highest point in Kansas, that really built my fond memories of my aunt.

[Tybee]

What a great summer memory! I would have liked that so much as a kid.
In August, we always went to see both sets of grandparents and other family and then down to Florida to fish. So my best memories of family vacations are from August, too.
Thanksgiving was my dad's favorite holiday, so it was a big deal in my house.

[rosarugosa]

Holidays are just so annoying. I try my best to ignore them in hopes they will go away. That strategy hasn't been too effective, but it does at least diminish their impact on my life. This reminds me (unfortunately) that I owe my sister an answer about what we are going to do for Thanksgiving. It will all be planned around Mom and her dementia, and she may very well not feel up to celebrating that day anyway.

[iris lilies]

Holidays are just so annoying. I try my best to ignore them in hopes they will go away. That strategy hasn't been too effective, but it does at least diminish their impact on my life. This reminds me (unfortunately) that I owe my sister an answer about what we are going to do for Thanksgiving. It will all be planned around Mom and her dementia, and she may very well not feel up to celebrating that day anyway.

”Holidays are just so annoying”

Yup

I do try, most years, to find ONE event to “ feel” the season but I just want one, not days and days of the stuff.

[frugal-one]

I am so happy where we have transplanted ourselves! We have been invited to join a group for Thanksgiving… everyone brings something different and the turkey is cooked by the park. No driving, no mess, no drama!

[iris lilies]

I am so happy where we have transplanted ourselves! We have been invited to join a group for Thanksgiving… everyone brings something different and the turkey is cooked by the park. No driving, no mess, no drama!

Yes that would be very nice, for sure!

[Tybee]

Oh, that sounds wonderful right now, frugal-one.

[littlebittybobby]

Okay--no drive-n-eat for littlebittyme. The wreckin' yard will be open on Thursday, parts half price. So yeah--see you kids there. Yup.

[Simplemind]

We get around this kind of thing by not competing with different sides of the family for a calendar day. I'm all for no heartburn. I've loved spending a quiet day at home or at the beach and then getting together later. I would have been frustrated and disappointed in your situation. You were invited to your son's and in essence they accepted (or were possibly manipulated into accepting) an invitation from MIL dropping their responsibility to you. Inviting you to join them at MIL's is not just a change of venue. It is MIL ripping the rug out from your holiday with their permission. Although it all looks like one big happy family on paper, it is anything but. MIL wasn't happy with you getting the holiday, you justifiably aren't happy with her hijacking it. They should have stood by their invitation to you. If they can so easily drop a holiday commitment it is a little hypocritical to be upset with you for doing the same. So sorry you were put in this position. Hopefully with some time to cool off your son will see and accept his responsibility for this.

[catherine]

Simpleminded is absolutely right.

Tybee, what did you wind up doing?