Encouraging neighborliness?

[ctg492]

Re reading this post with some thoughts on neighborhoods. I have grown to love my neighborhood now 5 years here. I have moved back as of 10 days ago(another post sometime). The first couple days while walking the dog, people have yelled Hi welcome back, while trimming bushes cars have stopped on thier way home from work to say Hi, One couple said they knew I was back as they could see my sky lights with light showing through in the wee hours from thier home up on the hill. One brought me a piede of cake, one couple picked me up for a trip to the green house. I told the cake lady Neighbors like her where why I came back. It is so amazing to me how friendly it is.


This summer We bought a home in a large city where husband works, he will be there another year. Brand new, no sense of history subdivision. I can not see this area bonding ever in the foreseeable future. I can not even tell you what the people drive, or what they look like, or if they have kids except the direct home on each side. It is not set up for bonding. No kids walking or biking. I Run and am lucky to get a wave as that would be hard with coffee, phone and driving too. I do not think people who move to this type housing want to know or see the neighbors. Husband says that is why you buy in this type area to go to work and come home. Feel safe and not bothered. I actually feel less safe since no one knows each other. I can say with certainty no one knows I am not there or cares. It is sad to me. I never lived like that and really had no idea that things could be so different. Lesson learned.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I think there are *some* people who want to know their neighbors everywhere so I really don't think one can generalize, but some places are more conductive sure.

[based on experience, in the most unlikely places]

[awakenedsoul]

I've got some wonderful neighbors where I live. My neighbor across the street walks her dog at the same time I do. Often we will walk together and chat. We also both grow our own food. This a.m. she is picking me up to go to the nursery and we'll buy some winter vegetables. I was going to take the bus, but this will be much easier. She also helped me move a couch from the Salvation Army into my living room. I paid her well, but it was really nice of her. (She usually turns down the money at first, but then will accept it. I pay her for gas, too.) She cleans houses for a living, so I know she can use extra cash. I called her when I saw one of the "troubled teens" in her yard when she wasn't there. I also let her know when her son's friend was doing drugs on her property while she was at work. Some people don't like that, but she appreciates it, and so do I. We have some kids in our area that have spent time in jail and you have to watch them carefully.
My neighbor down the street gives me as much horse and goat manure as I want. I go over there and rake it up, which relieves her of the responsibility. My fruit trees have been producing double the amount since using this in my compost. I give her lemons, lemon sorbet, and tomatoes. Her son is really sweet. I always stop and talk with him when I'm running my dogs on the bicycle. He's started doing the same thing with his border collie on his skateboard. He has my phone number in case he ever is locked out of the house, or needs some help from an adult. His mom is single, and sometimes at night she gets stuck in traffic. She's asked me to keep an eye on their horses because someone pulled up with a horse trailer and was acting suspicious.
Another neighbor has a really cute 8 year old little girl. We chat every other day or so...she's really cute! I made a baby sweater for their new baby and am going to make some colorful socks for the little girl. I've got the leftover yarn in my stash. I give them guavas, pomegranates, oranges, tangerines, and lemons from my orchard. I have picked up packages and held them here for them when they were out of town. She told me, "I asked you because I know I can trust you." That was a nice compliment.
I really appreciate the dedicated gardeners. Our neighborhood looks so much better with some of the people who bought here when prices dropped. For some reason, they are all really good with landscaping. The previous owners just had dirt and rocks. A healthy thriving garden makes a huge difference!
The people directly next door to me on both sides are difficult. They have a lawless attitude and harass as a sport. But, I've been able to block them out pretty well. I focus on all of the good neighbors...and there are a lot of them.

[SteveinMN]

I do not think people who move to this type housing want to know or see the neighbors. Husband says that is why you buy in this type area to go to work and come home. Feel safe and not bothered. I actually feel less safe since no one knows each other.

I really think that's an aspect of personality, much like being introverted or extroverted. Either you're energized by the diversity of an urban environment (and not fatigued by the negatives) or you're not.

As someone who values experiences more than "stuff", I'm not energized by the idea of being surrounded by lots of empty space. But others are more comfortable creating their own enclave and filtering who or what they deal with "on the outside" even if it comes at the expense of cultural opportunities or things like the quality of medical care. Neither approach is better or worse -- provided you're in an area that accommodates your preference. Suburbs are kind of the halfway point -- offering some private space and a perception of safety without requiring a 30-60 minute drive into town for every daily necessity or for work. I've lived in suburban areas in which people interacted frequently with each other. And I know people can live quietly and anonymously in cities of millions. So long as we find the right place, it's all good.

[Spartana]

I live in a predominantly Vietnamese suburban 'hood and am one of the only "white" people here. I really don't know my neighbors other then on a "waving hi if we pass each other" basis. That seems to be the norm here even amongst the Vietnamese-Americans who don't really seem to interact much with each other. I personally like it that way and have never been a big fan of being "friends" or interacting with my neighbors. I like my privacy and it's often hard to retain that when you live in a 'hood where every one is constantly interacting and involved with each other and knows everyone's day to day business - and where you may be seen as a pariah or outlier if you choose not to get involved with 'hood doings. I personally like the apt life in a smallish city as that seems to give me the right mix of interaction/privacy that I like. Generally friendly neighbors who are nice but not desiring to be involved with you and not constantly aware of everything that is going on in your life, when you're home, when you're not, who's visiting, what you do or don't do, where you've or where you're going, etc...

[catherine]

I think I'll regret not working harder to nurture my neighborhood friends. I've been very busy, and typical of life in the suburbs, have pretty much kept my door shut. But I've had it in my mind to do a block party next spring. It would just take a little organizing, but I think it would be fun. Since my house abuts a park, we could do the main party in the park, and I could also take advantage of having a house/private yard for people to hang out. Most of my neighbors are getting younger. My immediate neighbors have been around forever, and we've been here 29 years, but there are younger and younger families moving in, and they're very diverse--mostly South Asian.

Our neighbors across the street are Chinese. When Sandy hit NJ, one of their mature trees just fell over onto their property (thank God, not their house). If it had been me/DH, we would have called the tree man. But this family is extremely self-reliant and frugal, and they just literally whittled away at this tree until it was gone.

One day, DH saw that their chain saw was giving them trouble, so he went and offered to help fix it (we had offered to help them cut up the tree, but they refused). They did accept DHs repair help, and that evening, the wife came over with a hand-crocheted throw as a thank-you. Boy, I do yearn for a little interdependence. I like my quiet and my privacy, but being closer to some of my neighbors is just something I have a yearning for.

ETA to Steve in MN and all you other Midwesterners: MN people are so, so friendly and neighborly. My brother/SIL live there and I have never felt so welcomed to a town as when I visited my brother.. we felt like we were there to accept the Keys to the City. That's the kind of neighborliness I yearn for. Life is not quite like that in NJ.

[SteveinMN]

ETA to Steve in MN and all you other Midwesterners: MN people are so, so friendly and neighborly.

Around here, that's called "Minnesota Nice", but its existence is a topic for another thread.

I will note that The Great Recession really did our neighborhood a favor by bankrupting a few absentee slumlandlords, leaving the properties for new owners who live here and have a much greater stake in keeping things up. Less transience and more ownership is good for neighborhoods.

[Packy]

Minnesnowta. Yah, sure-- they're nice, way up north, there. See, they wanna be friends, in case they need to borrow a snow scoop or get a jump start for da car. Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.