Actually Spartana, it grows on you.No kidding. I actually enjoyed changing my kids and feeding them! (Minus poopy pants)!
It gave me time to talk to them, bond with them, and just enjoy the precious moments that you know (deep down inside) won't last forever. And, as time goes by, you learn to just roll and run with all the labour involved. It becomes so matter a fact like after a while.
I'm rapidly approaching the age where they will have to all of the above for me, so I guess it really does even out in the end.Originally Posted by Mrs-M
I'd rather adopt than have my own.
Trees don't grow on money
Do it! It's a fabulous choice. I know a family who went to Mexico in the early 80's to adopt a child, and came home with twin 3 year olds and their 5 year old sib, all had been recently orphaned. Wow! Instant family!!! They simply could not say no to keeping them together... and who could?
please visit the "starfish foster home" website. I have a friend who adopted a little girl from this home in China after raising 5 children of her own. She is a little sweetie with a large birthmark that covers about 1/3 of her face. She is being treated for the birthmark and after 3 treatments, it is about 50% gone.
Originally Posted by Mrs-M.
Changing them 8-10 times a day, feeding them, bathing them, talking to them, holding them, hugging them, it really makes all the difference (I think) in the end result.ROTFLMAO!Originally posted by Weston.
I'm rapidly approaching the age where they will have to all of the above for me, so I guess it really does even out in the end.
ApatheticNoMore. Awww... I'm with Redfox!
P.S. Redfox. Love your story!!! What a trip that was for the family.
Tenngal. Thank you so much for the web-address! Will be going in and checking it out tonight.
At 47 (almost) I'm too old to run after a small child and I'm really out of the mindset where I can reorient my life around parenting. But heck yeah, I would have adopted. In fact, about ten years ago I decided that if the opportunity presented itself, I'd jump on adopting a little girl. However, things didn't budge in that area (particularly finances) so we are adoptedless Oh well. Maybe one of my sons will adopt.
Formerly known as Blithe Morning II
I have so many thoughts on adoption. Not sure why. Maybe there is some destiny that is yet to be fulfilled . . . Here are some of my different thoughts:
There was a time in my younger life, faaaaaar pre-DH, maybe 18-ish, when I said I wanted to adopt about 10 or 12 kids and have a big farm or country place and raise them all. Birthing a baby has never really fascinated me, though I'm not entirely opposed, either. But I find adoption totally fascinating.
Children, on the whole, are scary to me. Not the kids themselves, but all the things that can go wrong - whether bio or adopted. There is a girl I am acquainted with and is on my Facebook who has suffered infertility. She has blogged extensively about it and was what I would consider to be very open on FB about her journey/thoughts/feelings/situation. To follow her was more scary than reassuring. It makes me think, well, what if DH and I decide to try to have kids and can't? And then we'll be obsessed with it and it will become our whole painful life? And then if we try to adopt and we ride that emotional roller coaster, thinking it's going to work out and it doesn't, and etc. and etc. and etc.? So I think actually, from her writing, I have gained some insight and sympathy (empathy? I always mix up . . .) for her situation, but also gained a lot of fear. So it's easier to just avoid the whole topic.
I am kind of in the same spot as Kestra. It seems like there are so many kids who need homes. When I think of having kids, it seems I think more about adoption than pregnancy. But my feeling is that DH is not interested in adopting. He is scared of all the needs. I think he would be an amazing father and probably an excellent father for a child who would likely have needs from whatever situation gets them to the point of needing to be adopted. He has so many skills from his teaching that would transfer well to parenting; he has such a big heart and in fact at time seems to overflow with love; he is infinitely patient.
If we ever got to the point of moving forward on an adoption process, I would likely avoid international adoption. I fear, basically, that there is baby selling or stealing going on and not sure how one could be 100% assured that there is not. I understand those who are ok with international adoptions. A friend who is pro-international adoption put it well: "Why do those babies deserve less than our babies?" But still, I am pretty sure I couldn't do it myself.
I have also heard that African-American babies from the US are being adopted abroad. I find that upsetting given the numbers of Americans seeking children from other nations. It doesn't make sense.
http://www.people.com/people/archive...147746,00.html
Why does adoption cost what seems to be so much money, anyway? Does it cost money to adopt a child through the state? I don't understand that part.
Minnesota has a list of "waiting children" that I look at occasionally. It's amazing how many kids are on it for years . . . also how many 16-18 year olds. I think that would a neat but challenging niche to be able to help fill. I think back to how much I still needed my parents once I was an "adult." And think of having nowhere to go on Thanksgiving, or no one to call when you don't know what to do when you put the dish soap in the dishwasher by accident, or you need to know how to make a baked potato (yes . . .). But if those kids graduate out of the system without being adopted, there they are, an island in this world . . .
This blog post was particularly moving to me when I first read it. It's got some language, but really speaks to me. http://boogersandpoop.blogspot.com/2...n-my-mind.html. The very fact that from the thousands of things I have ever read online I can even remember that this blog post EXISTS and find it in my bookmarks speaks to how impactful it was (and is) to me.
Some of my thoughts. Off to look at http://www.mnadopt.org/ now.
Fidgiegirl, I've thought about the older kids lots as well. There was a time I thought a lot about fostering, and though I don't think it's the right thing for me in this lifetime, and definitely not for DH, but it just interests me in that it seems so useful. What greater purpose than aiding a human being in that manner. And I know such a thing would be incredibly challenging and heartbreaking, but it gives you a chance to make a difference. I really don't like how the foster care system ends abruptly at 18. Seems like too many people around here do it at least partially for the money, and once that cheque stops coming...that young adult is again without any family. Just part of a whole sad area of society these days. Seems like in other cultures there are more instances where the whole village and/or extended family help with child rearing. Like the "over the fence" adoption stories - your kids could just live with your sister or brother or parents as needed. Families seem pretty isolated and the authorities have to step in, and kids aren't necessarily placed in the best homes. And of course very few people are willing to foster or adopt locally, especially the older kids. Here, lots of them live in hotel rooms as there aren't enough foster homes. Adoption just feels right to me. I can't help thinking that if you have a bio kid, that isn't even born yet, there is one less home for a kid already born and suffering.
Of course, I have to admit I'm not helping the situation as having kids just isn't for me, as much as I'm concerned about the situation. It's a strange dichotomy. I'm also so introverted that volunteering at a place like Big Brothers/Big Sisters is more than I can handle right now. Maybe when I'm early retired. For now I have to contribute to society in other ways.
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