Are inheritances a common thing?

[CathyA]

My family was very dysfunctional, but they had decent jobs. Besides a few pieces of furniture, they left us kids nothing. In fact, DH and I probably kept my mom off Medicaid for 20 years.
They didn't want to be bothered with owning a house, so they rented. I keep hearing of people who get large sums of money from their parent's inheritances and have to confess that I'm a bit envious. Instead, we forked out tons of money to keep her off medicaid.
I know I must sound horrible. I just need to whine a little. DH's mother had a bit of inheritance, and left her house to DH and his 2 siblings. But they couldn't stand to sell the house, so my BIL is living in it. Hopefully my children will at least see part of that someday.
If I may ask.....what have your experiences with inheritances been? You don't need to talk about amounts.....just if you got one. Maybe parents have good intentions, and then they live so long that they use it all up?
Maybe I'm just holding a grudge. My mother died recently and I was going through some of her old papers today and was reminded that while we were struggling to pay for alot of her living expenses over the last 20 years, she was giving $800-1,000/yr to various charities. :0
Just needing to whine/vent a bit.

[Zzz]

I'd rather my parents used what they have to live a more comfortable life and burn through all of it than worry about leaving an inheritance. Seriously. I hear "We can't afford X. We can't spend money on Y." But, they own property that could be sold and fund the rest of their lives in relative luxury...and enough unneeded (stored) "stuff" that could be sold at a living-estate sale to provide a lot of luxuries.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I think they are common among a certain class and up, and that it's a dead class giveaway when you admit to having gotten one. Of course there are exceptions to all such generalizations, such as the people you hear about who were maids or something and never bought anything their entire lives and end up passing down a million or something . But by and large, it's kinda a class marker. If the media pretends everyone gets it or something, it's because it likes to pretend everyone is at least middle class.

My 'rents are still alive and I really have no idea. I'll probably get something, but I don't count on it. And yea parents can easily live long enough not to be able to pass on much (long term care and the like will cost it). That's why I said, I don't know the future. However, even my grandparents left us grand kids money right before they died (not Rockefeller, "you never need to work in your life" money or anything, but something). On that score I think I was just lucky

In general I think inheritances are going to be a LOT rarer in the future. The economy is tougher, everything costs more, investments are shakier, and people just don't save as much.

[kib]

I am very grateful for my fiscally responsible parents. They have provided beautifully and carefully for their own old age. I admire my father's wisdom in this area very much; he is a depression era baby and he recognized the value of "making hay while the sun shone" in the heyday of the 80's and 90's - IRA, pension, SS, saving and careful investing created the multiple income streams that keep their position secure today even in such a chaotic financial climate. Whether or not there will be an inheritance depends to some extent on fate, but they've always been great role models about money, and set it up the way I would like my own finances to be set up: it will get them through without ever burdening anyone else, and if life remains on a smooth glidepath, then someone else will benefit from their planning when they're gone. Mom and Dad, a rave to you.

[simplelife2]

One, why was it so important to keep your mom off Medicaid? If she was qualified for the program and it's available, why not use it? I know some don't do it because of losing a house or assets, depending on the state, but that doesn't seem to be the case. You could have still supplemented it by buying her things to ensure that she was well taken care of. While you were paying her bills, you were denying stocking money away for your own retirement. And, there is no government program to cover that gap. It's no different than funding you kids' education at the expense of your retirement.

And, secondly, even if it's family, it is up to us to still protect our own interests. If I was helping out a family member, I would expect full financial disclosure. If you were investing in a business, wouldn't you expect to see the books? How is it any different if you a investing in a person.

I certainly would feel taken advantage of in this situation, but I think you also should explore your role in letting it happen so that it does not happen again in the future.

As far as inheritances go, it's nice if you can do it. But, you shouldn't suffer in order to do so and children certainly shouldn't feel entitled to it. My dad is lucky enough to still have really good union-sponsored insurance to take care of him throughout retirement, so there will be a small amount for each of us from the sale of his house. I don't believe it's fair for one person to take possession of the house without compensating the others fairly.

With your situation, there's no sense in dwelling on it. Forgive her, forgive yourself and let it go. Nothing good will come of letting it fester.

[Zzz]

Lots of farmers bought small family farms way back in the day when land was cheaper. If they happen to live in state where land prices increased, then even after a pretty dang tough life their land can be worth quite a bit, while the family always lived working class poor. Of course, many other farmers went "bust" especially if they bought expensive farm equipment they couldn't afford. Others worked second and third jobs (maybe both spouses) and held onto their land, though they don't benefit from it much.

[Gina]

There are so many variables... such as how long a parent lives, the state of their health, if they were 'savers', where they lived, and perhaps how many relatives any $ might be divided by...

I think certainly they are more common with wealthier people, but that can be deceiving. Many people who are moderately wealthy (not Rockefeller wealthy) are low-key. Remember the book The Millionaire Next Door? Many people are simply natural savers, invest over the years, and it builds up. Coupled with a bit of luck, that can leave something for the kids.

In addition these days the location parents live can be a factor, and if they purchased a home and lived in it for decades (and didn't borrow on it), that alone can determine if an inheritance will be coming. In many parts of California a modest home can be easily worth 500K (or used to be). Real estate market fluctuation is another factor...

Many people are not only loath to talk about what they have inherited, but many would never tell anyone besides a spouse if they have inherited anything at all.

And if you have lots of brothers and sisters, heirs will get smaller pieces of the pie.

[Bootsie]

I have a few friends who were able to purchase homes (or second homes), finance their children's college education, upgrade their lifestyle, etc. because they received inheritances from a parent or grandparent. I do not expect this to happen to me. When I was a young adult, my father told me the financial situation of his will: everything of his would go to my mother. He didn't say more than that, but I got the message that I was responsible for myself, as were my older siblings. As a young person, I wasn't thinking about future inheritances at that time, but I'm glad he told me. When he died a few years ago, none of my siblings expected anything (and we got nothing); everything went to my mom, and that is what she is living on. My hope is that she uses it all up on herself. I expect nothing financial when she passes away.

[CathyA]

Thanks everyone. I guess there are a ton of variables as to how much people have to give their children. Yes, I should have taken more responsibility to move her out of the condo and let the chips fall where they may for her, financially. There were many years when I was consumed with bad health and child raising, and my husband starting up a new business, and life got away from us. That's a good point about "why didn't we just let her be in Medicaid?" Very good question! I guess DH and I were both drowning and it was easier to just keep paying her way, than have to deal with changes. If I'd known at the time that she was giving so much of her money to charity, I would thrown a fit. But......its all water over the dam now. I do need to let it go. Fortunately, many years ago, before we were estranged from her, I asked her to deal with her own funeral expenses......and she did.
You're right simplelife.......letting it fester is no good.
Kib.....I envy the parents you have! What great role models they are.
I think growing old is so much more expensive now. And because of medical advances, people are living longer.....even if they have major diseases/illnesses.

I agree with compensating other members of the family, if you're living in the inherited house, but DH's family is extremely close and they all thought it was okay. But I knew my MIL very well, and she would have wanted us all to benefit from it. But in my BIL's defense......he did take out a huge loan to fix the house up. Here's hoping he lives long enough to pay off that loan and we don't lose the house!
Can you tell the lack of sun in the winter is getting to me? haha These things tend to start to bother me alot when winter is here!
Thanks for all your perspectives!

[Stella]

I have no idea how common inheritances are overall. I know that when my dad's parents died each of their four kids got some money from the sale of their house. I think it was maybe $20,000.

I got about 5,000 from the estate of a great-aunt to help with college. That was a surprise.

My mom's mom is still alive and has a fair amount of money. My mom has a reasonable idea of how much she will inherit and it's her plan to buy a condo and use the rest for her retirement. My sister, cousins and I will all get some money from that estate too. It's nothing I'm banking on, but it will be nice when/if it happens.

I'm in an odd situation that I am already recieving my primary inheritance from my parents. We moved into the house I grew up in and Dad has moved in with us. When DH is done with school we'll pay off a relatively small loan of my dad's in exchange for the house and own it free and clear while we all continue to live together. It's kind of a Jane Austen-y type arrangement, but we all like it. Dad gets people to cook and clean for him in his old age, as well as not having to pay utilities or taxes, and we get to save years and years of mortgage payments and interest. My sister will inherit Mom's condo.

It sounds like this is maybe just one of those grieving things people go through. I think it's a normal part of the emotional process to think about these kinds of things, kick them around in your head and then decide to let them go.