wedding and baby showers

[Heidi]

I have been invited again to a baby shower and a wedding shower. Out of principle I don't do showers anymore. DH and I politely declined wedding showers for us and later baby showers for our children. We had what we needed and were able to buy the few things that we wanted. I attended a few showers in my life time and I swore that I would not attend another one. There seems to be an incredible amount of waste, many useless items, too many outfits for newborns or wrong ones for that time of year. Let's not even talk about those silly games one is forced to play.
Are there any kindred souls here on the boards? How do you feel about showers?

[kally]

hate em and avoid em at all costs.

[puglogic]

I hate them, and will only go if it's a close-close-close friend, usually to help out! I think they're all married off and kidded now, so I could be off the hook forever

[redfox]

We're throwing a baby shower for a co-worker tomorrow evening. It's a simple potluck gathering and well-wishes event, with contributions towards a diaper fund as folks feel so inclined.

[Tradd]

Single and childless me doesn't mind them - as long as there are none of those stupid, stupid, mindless games!

The ones I've been to in the past few years have been low key. Lots of good food and drink, good conversations, and no games! Gifts were modest and the guests were asked to bring their favorite recipes to put together a cookbook in a binder or other similar type thing.

Those showers, I like!

[Gina]

There are good ones, and bad ones. If it's a fun party with people I like, I'll enjoy it. Heck, with a glass of wine, I even enjoy some of the games. If I'm invited just for my gift however, I'll decline.

[IshbelRobertson]

This is a foreign concept to me - but it seems to be making inroads over this side of the pond nowadays. Personally, I think it's a bit much. The pattern with many of the offspring of my friends seem to be:

Engagement party/announcement (Presents acceptable but not always expected)
Hen Night or Stag night (nowadays up to a week away, in places as far removed from their home town as possible, eg Dubai or Las Vegas - attendees expected to foot the bill and also chip in to pay for the Principal's costs!)
Wedding - present expected. Some I've been to recently have started on a Friday night with a dinner, usually at the very expensive hotel/castle/venue where the ceremony is to be held - or at least the reception. Usually entails at least 2 nights hotel costs - as well as the Friday night meal. Drinks after the free bar on the Saturday. Sunday: because many people have travelled a long way, there is an informal lunch, perhaps a hog roast or similar and then guests depart.

Later: pregnancy announcement - small gift sent. The newly introduced 'baby' shower. Presumably gifts expected, but I've never attended one. Baby born - gift. Christening: silver gift.

Thankfully, my children don't seem to want to follow that trend!

[Kat]

I'm not overly fond of them--even my own! My SIL really wanted to throw me a baby shower this summer. I agreed as long as she could keep it simple, and she did. She only invited close friends and family. No games, just cake and punch for refreshments. I did compromise by completing a gift registry (which I aboslutely hated doing). The results was a lovely celebration of the baby's arrival. People shared in our excitement and gave their best parenting stories/advice. A lot of people made gifts, too, and one even brought gently used items. That was really nice!

I usually do not attend showers unless I am a close friend of the bride or mama. I find them fun when I know the person. If I barely know the person, I feel uncomfortable and like I am just being used for a gift. I once turned down an invite for a baby shower for a classmate. Later found out she'd invited 70 (!) people. That's a bit much, IMO.

[Miss Cellane]

Every shower but one that I've been to has been a relatively low-key affair with a close group of family and/or friends. There's food, lots of conversation, and some gifts to get the new bride or mother started. And fortunately, I've been spared the games.

Wedding showers in my family tend to be for practical gifts--cookie sheets, a vacuum cleaner, measuring cups and spoons, maybe a blanket or set of sheets or towels, that sort of thing. The wedding present might be more elaborate--if the couple registered for china or crystal, that's when it would be given. Baby showers are heavily slanted towards cute bibs, lots of onesies and burp cloths, with a car seat or stroller thrown in as a group present.

They are intended to be a fun time for bonding with the other women in the family, not an occasion just for getting gifts. The tradition is that a woman gets one wedding shower and one baby shower, as a way of marking the transition between single and married and childless and parent. The new "tradition" of a baby shower per baby doesn't sit well with me--those showers do seem like out and out gift grabs.

The one shower I didn't like was huge--about 75 people, catered at a restaurant. I think I managed to say "Hello" to the bride and then didn't see her except from a distance again, until I said "Goodbye." I was too far away to see the gifts as she opened them, the tables were too crowded for comfort and it was just all too much. Give me my aunt's living room, a slice of cake, cousin Patty playing the piano, and someone counting all the ribbons the bride-to-be breaks (indicating the number of children she's going to have), and all is good.

But if you don't like showers, you are always free to decline the invitation.

What bothers me more is the bachelorette parties that are days long and involve expensive travel and still more gifts to the bride, and the weddings that now have three days of events and guests are expected to attend them all. Wedding guests are no longer just expected to show up for the wedding and reception and give a gift. They are expected to spend days celebrating the marriage and it all just seems to be too much. I get that the Happy Couple is excited about getting married, but I don't want to spend more than half a day celebrating with you. A long weekend is stealing too much of my time.

[treehugger]

Are there any kindred souls here on the boards? How do you feel about showers?

Yes, absolutely. I didn't allow anyone to throw me a bridal shower, and I don't have kids, so no baby showers. I have attended a few, but will only do so again for closecloseclose friends/family. I also hate the games, but what I really hate is that an event is made out of watching someone open gifts. Ugh, lets all sit around and pretend ooh and ahh and celebrate materialism/consumerism. No thanks!

Sure, I like a nice get together with friends to celebrate all kinds of things, weddings and babies included, (I even like birthday parties with close friends), but let's leave behind the gift grab part of the event, please!

Kara