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Thread: The Daily Peeve / Rant

  1. #1531
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    So here's my DH vent, but it's really more of a question about his behavior and my reaction to it. So it's a vent about myself, too.

    Last night describes a situation that recycles regularly. DH walks in the door just as we finish making dinner. In this case, it's a simple salad (with lots of veggies and protein). BIL says, "Oh, I'm making spaghetti. That's nice.

    To be polite, DH offers him salad. He says "Yeah, sure!" Then DH gives his brother ALL the turkey that he had cut up to put in his own salad. I had just come from the store, where I had bought the turkey at HIS request. I don't eat much meat. So I took the plate back and put some of the turkey on DH's plate and he looked back at me with daggers. I know, I know, totally codependent of me, but this drives me nuts. It happens a lot. For some strange reason, DH is compelled to give his brother all the food available. He will insist that BIL take back home all the meat leftovers, while DH takes one or two spoons for himself.

    When I b*ch about it, he says, "I don't understand you! You of all people would give anyone the shirt off your back! He's my brother! Can't I not give him as much as he wants?"

    GRRRR

    So why does this drive me crazy? A) Because BIL doesn't have the social skills to know when to refuse offers? B) Because it's just weird that DH would not feed himself but give everything to his brother? C) Because I feel he's disrespecting our food budget and the money that goes into it, not to mention the fact that what he gives his BIL I typically have already earmarked for next-day leftovers? D) Because I think any normal person making spaghetti and then being offered salad would say "Gee, I'll bring over the spaghetti and we can all share"?

    Don't say, "Just tell him what you've said here" because I have.. over and over. And that adds to the frustration.... D) Do I get mad because I have expressed my desire for him to be generous at a reasonable level, and he blatantly refuses my request and then he makes ME look like a selfish jerk? I told him he needs to see a therapist and work that out, but then I think I do, too. If I can't change his behavior, I need to let it go.

    I may have already complained about this in a previous rant, so if I did, I apologize. It's just that it came up again just last night.
    You know that wine you talked about in the other food thread? Cheers.

  2. #1532
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    You know that wine you talked about in the other food thread? Cheers.
    Haha, good one! But unfortunately, that makes it worse. Have you ever started a "discussion" with someone, hoping to correct THEIR behavior, after you've had a glass or two?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #1533
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    DH walks in the door just as we finish making dinner. In this case, it's a simple salad (with lots of veggies and protein). BIL says, "Oh, I'm making spaghetti. That's nice. You say "Gee, why don't you bring the spaghetti and we can share?" If it is poor social skills, then offer him the correct response

  4. #1534
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    catherine.......does your DH do this with other people and various things.....always giving away too much?

  5. #1535
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    Alan, anything is possible with over $25,000 in tools. :-) We always used to laugh about the fancy things they used.

  6. #1536
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    That's how I eventually felt about This Old House years ago. It made me think I could be handy too.
    I guess I am different. I started taking care of a house at 14, and started watching it back then, as a general, how do things work. What is generally required/safe guidelines, and what are the most COMMON tools used. (back then I only had hand saws and hand tools, not even a drill)
    When I quit watching it, is was because I had figured out I was capable of quite a bit, and didn't have the time to watch it.
    They were my teachers, as the only figure I really had to "show me stuff" is a cross between Tim Taylor and Red Green.

  7. #1537
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3
    Alan, anything is possible with over $25,000 in tools. :-) We always used to laugh about the fancy things they used.
    I especially loved the "special jigs" Norm built. Spent hours building these frameworks for drilling eight holes. I understand the desire for precision, but Norm could have measured four times and cut once in less time than it took to build the special jig (and who verified it was accurate, anyway?).

    Quote Originally Posted by catherine
    So why does this drive me crazy? A) Because BIL doesn't have the social skills to know when to refuse offers? B) Because it's just weird that DH would not feed himself but give everything to his brother? C) Because I feel he's disrespecting our food budget and the money that goes into it, not to mention the fact that what he gives his BIL I typically have already earmarked for next-day leftovers? D) Because I think any normal person making spaghetti and then being offered salad would say "Gee, I'll bring over the spaghetti and we can all share"?
    A) No, apparently he doesn't, and, at his age and station in life, he's not likely to pick up on it now. B) Weird, but a dynamic that appears to define explanation and/or categorization. C) DING! D) Smaller ding! But you're not dealing with a "normal" person in BiL. Then there's also the question of whether he can cook well enough to make eating the food he prepares worthwhile.

    I'm not saying this isn't crazy-making, but it seems it's crazy-making only to you. Your efforts to illustrate the situation have not been met with any real understanding on DH's and BiL's part. So unless you can show them why C is a real issue for all of you (or at least you and DH), I (sadly) think your best response is to try to let it go as best you can. Does this change when you guys sell the house and BiL is not such an integral part of your picture?
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  8. #1538
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    So here's my DH vent, but it's really more of a question about his behavior and my reaction to it. So it's a vent

    GRRRR

    So why does this drive me crazy? A) Because BIL doesn't have the social skills to know when to refuse offers? B) Because it's just weird that DH would not feed himself but give everything to his brother? C) Because I feel he's disrespecting our food budget and the money that goes into it, not to mention the fact that what he gives his BIL I typically have already earmarked for next-day leftovers? D) Because I think any normal person making spaghetti and then being offered salad would say "Gee, I'll bring over the spaghetti and we can all share"?

    Don't say, "Just tell him what you've said here" because I have.. over and over. And that adds to the frustration.... D) Do I get mad because I have expressed my desire for him to be generous at a reasonable level, and he blatantly refuses my request and then he makes ME look like a selfish jerk? I told him he needs to see a therapist and work that out, but then I think I do, too. If I can't change his behavior, I need to let it go..
    yes. Yes to all of it.

    It is the entire systemic problem of entrenched, enabled BIL that makes you crazy. And, it is crazy making!

    So, how does your DH accept the fact that his little brother will be living separately from you two now?

    I have to say it is kind of cute how your DH always serves little bro, but certainly "cute" in a limited way.

  9. #1539
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    Trigeminal neuralgia, good grief this sucks.

  10. #1540
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    The nonstop smutty slutty talk at work. The de facto group lead and boss's favorite is the main instigator so there's nothing I feel I can do. She also is best friends with the COO's granddaughter. We had no mail yesterday so she had lots of time to do such things as eavesdrop on others' phone conversations with customers and toss out double entendres of the "that's what he said" type, come to near tears because her latest adulterous affair didn't work out the way she wanted, and discuss vibrators at length. It should be busier next week thank goodness.

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