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Thread: The Daily Peeve / Rant

  1. #1981
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    catherine, I am confused about why you are even considering doing anything besides chucking your brother-in-law’s stuff into the dumpster. He doesn’t care about it.

  2. #1982
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    I would throw it away. You can’t help those that won’t help themselves.

  3. #1983
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    catherine, I am confused about why you are even considering doing anything besides chucking your brother-in-law’s stuff into the dumpster. He doesn’t care about it.
    I wondered this as well. I am more concerned that you will continue to enable his behaviour and invite him back to live with you. There is a difference between a kind heart and an enabler. Don't let his friend guilt you into anything.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  4. #1984
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    Why do you think he left so much behind?

    Is it possible he wants to be able to return? Consciously or unconsciously, he may think of your house as home, "the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

    If you think it is possible, what effect would that have on your decision?

  5. #1985
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    I don’t want this to become a referendum on how catherine and her family treat the brother-in-law in California. But...


    I do think brother-in-law’s “stuff “is the least of his problems. Clothing is easy to get. The papers he left – are they important? Are they a year or two’s worth of tax papers that he might actually need? I might be inclined to stuff those in a small box and hang onto them but only,if they appear to be key documents.

    But the big question mark is what happens when BIL completely runs out of money. And why is the friend calling Catherine and her family? Is he a rational and responsible person? Has he already figured out that BIL is going to be a burden?

    It is good that BIL already has public housing. I do not know how he will get income. He has to work.

  6. #1986
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    To answer IL's questions. ...

    I don't know the significance of his paperwork. I did find a whole box of sentimental stuff like yearbooks and certificates, etc. But he also left behind all the dog toys and dog clothing and even a dog bed and collar from the dog that died 3 years ago. DH sh*tcanned that stuff.

    The friend called to discuss the drinking. Apparently he's drinking all the time and then he gets obnoxious. He was over the friend's house last weekend, got loaded, wouldn't leave upon request and the friend had to walk him home. My BIL is not a frat boy--he's 56 years old. I've been watching this escalating drinking habit, but it's clearly gotten worse. And there is defiinitely alcoholism in the family. Apparently it's the drinking that has become at least one significant barrier to his looking for a job. The friend thinks we should have an intervention.

    I don't know what's going to happen in the years ahead when BIL runs out of money. I think Simone hit the nail on the head. I don't know if it really penetrated that he no longer has a place to go back to. If he shows up needy in Grand Isle, he can't stay with us. The place is too small. But the bigger problem is he truly lacks cognitive abilities to simply make life choices--from simple ones like editing a resume to complex ones, like figuring out how to support himself.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  7. #1987
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    If it comes to that a group home. If I can do tough love with a drug addicted son you can do it with him. It’s very hard.

  8. #1988
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    If it comes to that a group home. If I can do tough love with a drug addicted son you can do it with him. It’s very hard.
    Yeah, it is tough. If we followed the friend's advice and did an intervention on BIL, though, it would be a really interesting event because there are a lot of family members that probably wouldn't show up because they would assume that they were the one being intervened on. In my family, an intervention would be a case of a lot of pots calling a lot of kettles black.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  9. #1989
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
    If it comes to that a group home. If I can do tough love with a drug addicted son you can do it with him. It’s very hard.
    My guess is that BIL is too high functioning to qualify for services reserved for the intellectually disabled. He might even test out within the range of normal IQ, but he lacks executive function in his brain.

  10. #1990
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    There are group homes for addicts. My son has been in many and I worked in this field. There are group homes for seniors. Many things have changed.

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