The Daily Peeve / Rant

[early morning]

SiouzQ that is such a crap thing to have to deal with, I am so sorry.

[catherine]

So I'm feeling OK. Still worried about my brother, but as you know a person can be in hospice for a long time. Yesterday, however, it really hit me. With one brother in hospice and the other getting treatment for aggressive prostate cancer, and even Bruno crossing the rainbow bridge, it really hits home how short life is and how important it is to establish your priorities as to where and how you allocate your time and your love.

So my brother in hospice died on Tuesday. Blood-wise, he was actually a cousin. His mother died in childbirth and his father died when he was six from gall-bladder surgery complications (or at least that's what we've been told). Some have said he never forgave my brother for taking his wife away from him. So my grandfather (who was a product of the patriarchal, blue-blooded New England generation) determined that Mike should live in a home that was a practicing-Catholic home. So that eliminated my uncle, who had become Methodist when he married his Protestant wife. Unfortunately his was exactly the family Mike would have done well with. Unfortunately, our "Catholic-qualified" family was not. My mother was informed by my grandfather that she would be taking Mike exactly when she had just had a stillborn child. Maybe he ignorantly thought Mike would be a good consolation prize. He never considered how resentful my mother would be, nor how his son's (my father's) alcoholic behavior would affect Mike.

Because Mike felt utterly rejected by both adoptive parents, he got out of our home as soon as he could--first by entering a high school seminary program (which didn't work out) and then by joining the Navy (which did). Then he went to college--Catholic University, met my SIL at a DC bar. Being 5 years younger, I had had relatively few meaningful interactions with Mike in my childhood, but I caught up when I had met DH and we all had great time together over the years--not all the time, but with fairly frequent visits in different states.

Mike was funny, bright, and completely family-oriented. But even when he was funny, when you looked into his eyes, there was so much depth there--a whole story of the comedy that emerges from tragedy. Sometimes I felt guilty being his sister, because I was the biologic first-born, the "prize." He didn't deserve the parents he got--MY parents. When we were all out in Minnesota last fall, I told my brothers that we all had the same but different parents. Mike and my 2nd brother have no love lost for my father, who treated them terribly. My 3rd brother and I are sympathetic and we feel, if not any love gained, the pain of love lost.

I hope I can stay connected with my sister-in-law who "saved" Mike. She is such a wonderful person on many levels. My heart hurts for her.

[Tradd]

Wow. So sorry to hear. What a story.

[iris lilies]

that’s a nice summary of your cousin/brothers place in your family.

I had a friend in high school, whose father killed their mother and the father went to prison, of course. She and her two siblings went to live with an aunt and uncle, and they were always kind of the redheaded stepchildren. You can certainly understand it because those parents already had three kids, one of whom was an intellectually challenged, so their family doubled overnight.

also, the three new kids were all really smart, and the original kids were not.

it’s really too bad Mike didn’t end up with the uncle where he would’ve been better off.

[catherine]

also, the three new kids were all really smart, and the original kids were not.

it’s really too bad Mike didn’t end up with the uncle where he would’ve been better off.

True, but God or whatever you call the Benevolent Universe did double-down on Mikes post-childhood phase when he married C., had two beautiful children, and never looked back at the East Coast once he moved to the Midwest.

[iris lilies]

True, but God or whatever you call the Benevolent Universe did double-down on Mikes post-childhood phase when he married C., had two beautiful children, and never looked back at the East Coast once he moved to the Midwest.

That is good, too.

[rosarugosa]

I'm sorry for your loss, Catherine.

[Tradd]

Payday and my raise should have been in paycheck. It wasn’t. Annoying. Will have to contact our outsourced HR when I get in the office.

[Tybee]

I am so sorry, Catherine, that is hard to bear.

[happystuff]

So sorry for your loss, catherine. Prayers and condolences to all.