The Daily Peeve / Rant

[freshstart]

I have to get a handle on my Dad's grocery spending since I pay half. He spent over $100, was supposed to be buying produce, milk, cold cuts, bread. Our freezers cannot hold another thing. He came home with 5 different kinds of bread and we have nowhere to put them, forgot the cold cuts. He had Jimmy Dean sausage and egg sandwiches which none of us should be eating, especially him. No room in freezer so he sticks them in fridge to be eaten quickly, but neither my mom or I will eat them. And 3 kinds of cookies. A third can of hot chocolate no one asked for or is drinking the first two. He spent $3 on a small bag of plain pop corn. When we have an air popper that we us all the time and it tastes better. The only produce was clementines, my favorite luckily, but no vegetables. When I saw how little he got for over $100, I felt physically sick. Only protein was the Jimmy Dean crap.

I don't know how to fix this, I am supposed to be walking only small amts so I cannot go with him all the time, only quick runs in and out. I circle sales in the flyer and list suggested things to get with an item to make a meal. He always comes home without everything needed for the meal, so he waits a few days and goes back to the store and overspends again. I type up the list so it's not that he can't read my hand writing. I tried to get them to do online ordering and delivery, he hated that and I'm pretty sure that was because he is a diabetic and he likes buying things he shouldn't eat on impulse. I've given up on him ever following the diabetic diet but at least his sugars are tightly controlled through use of an insulin pump. He's 69, if he wants to order his crap online to be delivered, I am not going to stop him, I tried to tell him that but it falls on deaf ears. He bitches about shopping but must secretly like it if he refuses online and goes way more often than we need.

I'm thinking of saying I cannot afford all this excess and also, I am paying half when 3 of us live here. But I don't think morally I should do this because they have helped me on groceries (and the big one- property and school tax) when things were really tight. He never even asks for the 50%, I just do it. Their budget can handle this, so he is unlikely to change. Ugh, I feel stuck. I will not nickel and dime them on who eats what after all they've done for me. I guess this is just a rant.

he's in his chair eating a stinky Jimmy Dean sandwich and I want to slap him silly, lol!

[iris lilies]

I have to get a handle on my Dad's grocery spending since I pay half. ...
he's in his chair eating a stinky Jimmy Dean sandwich and I want to slap him silly, lol!

Girlfriend, stop paying half. Right this second.

Do your own shopping online. If he doesn't like that then offer to do all of the "shopping" online, assuming that's an option.

Yes, I know it will lead to difficult conversations, but this is nuts as you've described it.

I need to send you my DH for a while. He is the ultimate "stick to a list" guy. If it's not on the list, he doesn't know what to buy except for milk, yogurt, and bananas, those are his staples. He wouldn't dream of buying cookies or baked goods because he bakes all of his own stuff, he thinks the store stuff is crappy.

[Ultralight]

I have to get a handle on my Dad's grocery spending since I pay half. He spent over $100, was supposed to be buying produce, milk, cold cuts, bread. Our freezers cannot hold another thing. He came home with 5 different kinds of bread and we have nowhere to put them, forgot the cold cuts. He had Jimmy Dean sausage and egg sandwiches which none of us should be eating, especially him. No room in freezer so he sticks them in fridge to be eaten quickly, but neither my mom or I will eat them. And 3 kinds of cookies. A third can of hot chocolate no one asked for or is drinking the first two. He spent $3 on a small bag of plain pop corn. When we have an air popper that we us all the time and it tastes better. The only produce was clementines, my favorite luckily, but no vegetables. When I saw how little he got for over $100, I felt physically sick. Only protein was the Jimmy Dean crap.

I don't know how to fix this, I am supposed to be walking only small amts so I cannot go with him all the time, only quick runs in and out. I circle sales in the flyer and list suggested things to get with an item to make a meal. He always comes home without everything needed for the meal, so he waits a few days and goes back to the store and overspends again. I type up the list so it's not that he can't read my hand writing. I tried to get them to do online ordering and delivery, he hated that and I'm pretty sure that was because he is a diabetic and he likes buying things he shouldn't eat on impulse. I've given up on him ever following the diabetic diet but at least his sugars are tightly controlled through use of an insulin pump. He's 69, if he wants to order his crap online to be delivered, I am not going to stop him, I tried to tell him that but it falls on deaf ears. He bitches about shopping but must secretly like it if he refuses online and goes way more often than we need.

I'm thinking of saying I cannot afford all this excess and also, I am paying half when 3 of us live here. But I don't think morally I should do this because they have helped me on groceries (and the big one- property and school tax) when things were really tight. He never even asks for the 50%, I just do it. Their budget can handle this, so he is unlikely to change. Ugh, I feel stuck. I will not nickel and dime them on who eats what after all they've done for me. I guess this is just a rant.

he's in his chair eating a stinky Jimmy Dean sandwich and I want to slap him silly, lol!

We gotta get you out of there someday!

[kib]

Around here, Safeway will deliver groceries. It costs between $10 and $15 depending on how much you buy (cheaper if you buy more), sometimes they discount that. You can get anything including all your frozens, meat, dairy and fresh produce. Amazon Pantry might be cheaper for durable goods, they will ship something like 45 pounds for $6. I don't know if you can get the best savings and deals, but it would be better than spending $100 on breakfast sandwiches.

[freshstart]

the plan had good intentions, my kids were close to launch, I wanted less space. They needed a handicapped accessible house, and I wanted to be my mom's nurse. If we were in the same household, it would be easier. We're on opposite ends of the house. I knew going in that they are kind of nuts but as a hospice nurse it was out of the question that I would not take care of her and I understand their brand of crazy. First year was great, DD and I at one end, them at the other. I was working so I was not around crazy 24/7.

Then I suddenly got sick, then sicker. My father lifted me off the floor so many times I cannot count. I could never have lived in my 3 story townhouse, I couldn't do stairs at all. I added up the mileage to MD appts for tax purposes. It turns out my father drove me to 76 appts/tests in the past year! I honestly can never repay the help they gave me. I don't know how I would've managed to sell the townhouse while so sick and find something else that had no stairs and I could have 2 dogs. They saved me.

I just didn't count on the 24/7 crazy and me, God forbid, not working. I had no reason to think that would happen, I was 44 and healthy. It would be mentally better probably not to live here but I still can't drive and can't do a bunch of other things. And I made a commitment to my mother that I will keep even if I don't do all of the heavy hands on care myself (she has a Palliative Home Care team). When my mom passes, IDK what I'll do, my dad would not have the money to buy out my share and my share is not big enough for me to buy a place on disability earnings. I'm kind of stuck but I entered into that willingly, and I'd be fine if I had the break of working. I have to say, (except for the coat closet, lol) they respect my privacy at my end of the house, so it's not horrible here, I shouldn't make it sound that way. It's my own fault for not even thinking about what I would do if I got sick, that was not on my radar at all. They make me nuts, but I am forever indebted to them both. And of course, I love them dearly. Right now, this is my bed and I made it, I don't regret it. I'm too sick to really date and really don't feel like it anyways now, that's the only thing that has not come up. But we've talked about it and they were fine with it, surprisingly. So there's that when I get better. Ideal? Of course not. But then what is?

smacks head, of course I could order groceries online on my own. I'm so enmeshed in it that I don't see the easy answers anymore.

[JaneV2.0]

The egg and sausage sandwiches sound like the only semi-nutritious food he eats, at least voluntarily. .
Is the household on a tight budget food-wise? If not, I would just contribute and look the other way.
Your parents sound like fine people.

[Float On]

Sorry freshstart. Wish I could do the shopping for you. I'm pretty great at getting $50 to stretch for several homecooked meals. That is the amount we do if someone comes to the church asking for help with groceries. I don't get them cash, I go do the shopping.

[freshstart]

they are the finest people, they do so much for others. my mom is mostly in bed now but she still supports by phone all the people who have come through her life needing a helping hand and a listening ear.

they can easily afford what he is buying, it's just me who can't but I need to re-think this a bit because it's my pride that makes me give 50/50 on everything, every bill and it's affecting my budget.

the plan was starting in Jan, at the end of the month, we sit down look at who paid for what and then figure out who owes who. So I'll see how the first month of really looking at my budget and what the outgoing costs were in 2 weeks. They would never leave me hanging over say $50 for food.

[SteveinMN]

the plan was starting in Jan, at the end of the month, we sit down look at who paid for what and then figure out who owes who. So I'll see how the first month of really looking at my budget and what the outgoing costs were in 2 weeks. They would never leave me hanging over say $50 for food.

Based on what you've mentioned in this thread, it sounds like it will be hard to come up with accurate figures. "Who owes who" seems to be a particularly nebulous number, IYKWIM.

[freshstart]

Based on what you've mentioned in this thread, it sounds like it will be hard to come up with accurate figures. "Who owes who" seems to be a particularly nebulous number, IYKWIM.

well, we each took certain bills for the household, those will be easy to even out. Then all grocery and home supplies were charged on credit cards so we can add up how much each spent. That part will probably get sticky, we'll just have to guesstimate as to what seems fair.

My ex is seeking child support and I am working with my lawyer on that, the least he will probably accept pushes me into negative numbers with my budget and my parents know this. I have 12k in the emergency fund to put towards that and I should get the money back in the end according to my lawyer. Because he can't have child support now and then also claim the huge SSDI settlement that will include 2 yrs of back child support. So I will have to wait 18 mos to get the child support I paid back. Never mind, I'm confusing the issue, what I meant to say is my budget is about to take a big hit and I know my father will be more than fair when we talk about bills.