Originally Posted by
catherine
So here's my DH vent, but it's really more of a question about his behavior and my reaction to it. So it's a vent about myself, too.
Last night describes a situation that recycles regularly. DH walks in the door just as we finish making dinner. In this case, it's a simple salad (with lots of veggies and protein). BIL says, "Oh, I'm making spaghetti. That's nice.
To be polite, DH offers him salad. He says "Yeah, sure!" Then DH gives his brother ALL the turkey that he had cut up to put in his own salad. I had just come from the store, where I had bought the turkey at HIS request. I don't eat much meat. So I took the plate back and put some of the turkey on DH's plate and he looked back at me with daggers. I know, I know, totally codependent of me, but this drives me nuts. It happens a lot. For some strange reason, DH is compelled to give his brother all the food available. He will insist that BIL take back home all the meat leftovers, while DH takes one or two spoons for himself.
When I b*ch about it, he says, "I don't understand you! You of all people would give anyone the shirt off your back! He's my brother! Can't I not give him as much as he wants?"
GRRRR
So why does this drive me crazy? A) Because BIL doesn't have the social skills to know when to refuse offers? B) Because it's just weird that DH would not feed himself but give everything to his brother? C) Because I feel he's disrespecting our food budget and the money that goes into it, not to mention the fact that what he gives his BIL I typically have already earmarked for next-day leftovers? D) Because I think any normal person making spaghetti and then being offered salad would say "Gee, I'll bring over the spaghetti and we can all share"?
Don't say, "Just tell him what you've said here" because I have.. over and over. And that adds to the frustration.... D) Do I get mad because I have expressed my desire for him to be generous at a reasonable level, and he blatantly refuses my request and then he makes ME look like a selfish jerk? I told him he needs to see a therapist and work that out, but then I think I do, too. If I can't change his behavior, I need to let it go.
I may have already complained about this in a previous rant, so if I did, I apologize. It's just that it came up again just last night.