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Thread: Struggling with my dad, who has Alzheimer's

  1. #21
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    (((simplelife2)))

    I hope you find some comfort and peace.

  2. #22
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    thinking of you today; i love my dad dearly and it would be very hard for me; will be as he will be 82 this year
    Kris
    "I 'll walk where my own nature would be leading. It vexes me to choose another guide" Emily Bronte

  3. #23
    Junior Member simplelife2's Avatar
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    Well, my dad's words proved prophetic in a sense. He took another bad tumble trying to sneak out of bed after having an accident. My brother's didn't hear him until he landed with a thud on the wood floor and opened up his forehead so badly that they had to call the ambulance. He's been in the hospital since Sunday.

    They did a "swallow test," which he has failed twice so they won't give him solid food. He's coherent enough to have had those difficult discussions about life and death. He has a living will that he did in 2004, but I reviewed everything with him to make sure his answers are the same since the time is coming. He re-iterated no invasive measures.

    This left us with the problem that he has refused a feeding tube to his stomach, which the doctors recommended and we don't want either since its efficacy in the elderly is debatable, and the hospitals refusal to feed him since he can't pass the swallow test. He was eating without any serious issues prior to his admission. They won't even allow liquids or purees. One doctor recommended hospice, but my dad's Alzheimer's is late mid, not end stage. Another doctor wouldn't recommend rehab, which includes speech therapy to improve his swallowing ability, because he said it was pointless if we wouldn't allow the feeding tube. The standoff lasted several days. We finally got them to OK IV nutrition and letting him go to rehab.

    I was honest with my dad and said it might not work, but he wanted to at least try. Thankfully, he has Medicare and great secondary coverage, but even so, it is such a fight to get the right care. All of the nurses and assistants have been wonderful, but the doctors seem to have written him off without even trying. We'll see how he does -- I'm not that optimistic -- but my dad wants to give it a shot without going to extreme measures.

    The support here really helped me have that honest conversation with my dad. And, as was mentioned, he was more than ready to hear the truth and be honest about things. We still hold out hope, but it is tempered by the reality of the situation. It's amazing how much strangers can help you when they approach the situation from outside of the whirlwind. Thanks again.

  4. #24
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    simplelife2-I get where you are coming from.
    irislily-I get where you are coming from too.

    Please, take as a gift any day that you can connect, on whatever level that may be. In the habit of your family's style of communicating...

    irislily--you and your family's style of communication would fit well in my own. You can hang w/ me when I am dying...I know other's need a different salve.
    author of A Holy Errand

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