Acceptance of what is

[loosechickens]

Exactly, East River Guide.....exactly. Our egos and our expectations of "how things SHOULD be" trip us up pretty regularly. And since ALL our emotions and feelings are created by ourselves in our minds as expectations and/or reactions to that "how it should be", we have within us the power to change them.

We often can't change the reality, but just a shift in perspective, like seeing the cow in the parking place, makes everything different. Although the reality of a non-available parking space remains.

Nice visualization.........

[Xmac]

Wonderful thread for me right now...thanks for your words Xmac

You're so welcome. Words are a good start and I know that feeling of gratitude.

[Geila]

I had meant to respond to this thread, but December was such a busy month for me and I didn't get to it. But I wanted to throw something out there from my own experience.

I think that those of us with difficult childhoods have a harder than normal time with acceptance and letting go. And I think it's because growing up we needed to manipulate our perception of reality in order to feel safe - or safer. We got so good at it, but then it's hard to let it go.

And even as adults, oftentimes we might have a situation in which we are still not perceiving reality clearly because we are protecting ourselves from a truth that might feel too painful to deal with. There might be something that still needs to be dealt with - and oftentimes that something comes as a surprise. The fact that you are bothered by your difficulty with acceptance means that you are ready, or almost ready, to deal with that issue. It's actually a really good sign!

And I will say that as painful as mucking through issues is, the reward is phenomenal. It is so liberating to not be fighting reality! We don't realize how much energy it takes to do so.

[ctg492]

I learned how to accept things that were out of my control last fall. It was hard to realize I could not make everything all better. It actually was a life altering, pivotal point in my life. I wish I had learned acceptance years ago, but I guess that is why we get wiser as we get older

[leslieann]

I am glad to see this thread again; I have read it over and have a feeling of ...something.....peacefulness? that comes of knowing all of you are out there grappling with life in the best way that you can, and struggling to let go (or not let go) and that somehow we keep on. Okay, I know I am not going to be able to articulate what I am experiencing but within me there is some gratitude around the wise words here, and the knowledge that we are all out there on the plain of possibility, watching our own resistance and just dealing in the best way that we can.

I have been told that pain is inevitable but that suffering is optional. I keep hearing that line over and over in my head, as some sort of reminder about the nature of life and the effect of resistance. I know that I lack the clear seeing that can help me to just experience pain without wallowing in suffering. And yet I am struggling with the notion of trying not to resist....because there we are in the middle of striving again. Striving to avoid suffering but striving to avoid resistance...I get all caught up in the concepts and lose the openness.

Anyway, these are good conversations to have and I appreciate the honesty and the struggles that we share. I wish I could remember that I can't make things all better, or even a little better. I have a great understanding of it in the abstract but when it comes to my children or my work, actual practical applications of this understanding, I fall short.

[Sissy]

ctg, I am glad that you bumped this thread, because i missed it.

I think that death of a loved one would be about the hardest thing on earth to accept and that depends on the circumstances (such as a long, painful illness). My condolences for your losses.

In my case, acceptance has become so much easier as I grow older. When I was young, I was a perfectionist and very rigid. It was a life of misery. Now that I have grandchildren, I have to accept that my children will think for themselves and not the way "I" want them to even tho I can see problems down the road. Also, as I experience health problems and have to accept that there are things I cannot do, I also have to accept the way others do them for me. Very hard.

It is also difficult to accept the death of dreams and plans when I face the fact that they weren't real or realistic.

Heck, I am having a hard time realizing that I have been with you guys for over 10 years now and a lot of things, including getting close to 60 years old, have just, well, happened. I didn't give them permission!