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Thread: Family Feud (yes, the fun continues)

  1. #1
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    Family Feud (yes, the fun continues)

    Hi, everyone: You may need a little background on what's been going on w/me lately. If you want to read this background, read my threads "Dreading the holidays" in the Holidays forum, and "Had a job interview today" in Workplace.

    EDIT: I am editing this post. Mods, if there is a way to delete it entirely, please do so asap. I do not want it to cause problems in my family and there is a very strong reason to believe it will. Thank you, and I am sorry for the trouble.
    Last edited by frugalone; 1-8-12 at 10:46am.

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    ((((ladyinblack1964)))) I have no ideas for you, but I wish you the best. Sometimes life is just hard. Someone said to me in the middle of my divorce. Where you are today isn't where you will spend the rest of your life. It will get better. I clung to those words.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
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    First, remember, everything sounds worse in an email.

    "Now I am really leaning toward a quiet Xmas with just my husband and myself. Who needs this other crap?"

    What would be the things keeping you from doing this?

    "At this point, I don't know who to turn to. I've had a terrible week--every day I fight suicidal thoughts, I had fallings-out with two friends (one of whom I've known since 1979!) and now this."

    Yes, these kind of social/emotional crises seem to come in groups, like buses.
    I'm thinking: what is the universe trying to tell you?
    How many people are you trying to please?
    How is that serving you?

    Can you imagine a change in your situation that would lead you to a more serene place?

    ((((hugs)))) and blessings to you.
    "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. -- Gandalf

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    I am so sorry you are going through this. What really concerns me is your daily battle with thoughts of suicide. Please seek help. Call a crisis line...talk to your doctor or your spiritual leader. Keep on reaching out. We are all here for you too. (((hugs)))

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    Senior Member Anne Lee's Avatar
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    As was mentioned on the other thread, there is more going on here than just a disagreement over gifts or how to spend the holidays. I can't encourage you enough to get the help and support you need in real life. The way I see it, the least of your worries is whether you should go spend Christmas with your family. You have mental health and financial issues to address.
    Formerly known as Blithe Morning II

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    I think you need to talk to someone. I didn't read all the back history, but is there a counsellor or mental health group you can talk to? Sounds like a lot is getting bottled up inside you.

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    EDITED: Please, mods, delete this thread. If you can.
    Last edited by frugalone; 1-9-12 at 7:37pm.

  8. #8
    Low Tech grunt iris lily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladyinblack1964 View Post
    ...
    To answer one poster's question, what would keep me from staying home with DH? I guess in one word: guilt. And fear that somehow I would miss a good time (how is that for irony?). Offend someone, somehow? Weird, I know. ...
    nah, these things are complex so the fact that you feel a variety of emotions seems normal to me.

    But for god's sake do NOT tell your DH what your sis said, there is absolutely no reason for that. And delete her email so that you do not keep reading it, rid it from your computer.

  9. #9
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    Hugs to you. Family of origin issues can be so hard to navigate. May I recommend the book Extraordinary Relationships, by Dr. Roberta Gilbert? She frames family of origin dramas so well, and in very non-blaming ways. This book transformed my life.

    I encourage you to step back from it all... no need to make decisions now while you are so stressed. And please consider calling the local crisis clinic to talk with someone about your self-harming thoughts. Even if you feel embarassed, it's what they are there for. Please also identify one person besides your husband with whom you feel safe, and commit to calling them before you hurt yourself, and ask for their help.

    Let us know how you are doing please!

  10. #10
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    ladyinblack. Some people (your sis?) have no issues with mental health or with holding down a job. For people like this, they just think you should 'go out there and get a job' or that people who stay home are 'lazy' and they should 'man up/suck it up/stop yer moaning/etc'

    They can't see what the other person is going through. I don't know what she wrote but since you didn't tel her the 'real' reason your dh is not working (I'm guessing maybe emotional issues?) then she may think that finding a job is as easy as walking into the your local retail store and telling them you are available for any shifts. Was this the first time you opened up to her about how you are feeling? Maybe she is scared to delve into that..

    I don't think she purposely meant to hurt you, but I don't know for certain.

    I'm sorry you are jobless and broke. I am even more sorry that you have suicidal thoughts daily and finding help is challenging at best.

    I wish I had some answers for you. Have you tried meditation or yoga?

    As for Christmas I think you should go. With this email from your sister and this being the first year you are doing no gifts, if you don't go this year I fear you will never go back.

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