Originally Posted by
reader99
Her email was non-understanding because in fact she doesn't understand. I'm constantly encountering people who think that because they like me and I have some talents it should be no problem for me to move from the 11% unemployed in this area to the 89% employed. Not so easy, and age discrimination is very real, even if unspoken.
IMHO, a lot of people have a fear of being unemployed and broke themselves, and as a defense against their feelings about it they subconsciously minimize the plight of people experiencing it. If they can convince themselves that the person with troubles did or failed to do something that could have prevented the problem, then they subconsciously feel that they themselves are safer from troubles as long as they keeping doing things "right". Overtly, this comes across as indifference or callousness, when it's really an internal defense mechanism.
I second the thought on Byron Katie. A truly effective and deceptively simple method of clearing anger and resentment from one's mind. My library has her books, yours may too. Also VERY helpful and soothing is Eckhart Tolle. I love his voice and have several of his CDs from the library on hand right now.
I know that getting SSD is a major task, but if your DH has or can find a doctor who recognizes his disability, it can't hurt to fill out the forms. Be aware that SSD often turns one down on the first try, so expect to appeal, possibly with one of those no fee unless we win attorneys.
If it doesn't seem too mercenary, as if going there just because of needing help, I suggest visiting several churches/spiritual centers that are convenient to you. If there's one you like it's a pleasant outing, possibly uplifting, and a chance to build a 'family' support group of non-relatives. Many churches offer a wide variety of practical and emotional help. My church gives out free day old bread and pastries from Publix, and has been known to pay one time costs for broke people, like my friend who lost her ID and didn't have the money to pay the fee to replace it.
Re Christmas, I could make a case for either going or not going, or for dropping in briefly to exchange affectionate greetings and then leaving. Perhaps one measure for deciding that would be, which alternative makes you feel least suicidal? There are always more than two choices. As far as keeping up family ties, maybe you could visit the relatives you like separately, either before or after Christmas itself. Or a cheery mass email with holiday greetings, a bit of humor, and attached picture - something like that can be a gift in itself and keep that sense of family connection, without costing anything or having to be in a crowd.
I really feel for you, being in a similar pickle myself.
Re suicidal ideation - this may be irrelavant to you, but I've noticed that no matter how well medicated I am, if I eat anyting containing MSG, my mood drops to despair within hours. I know not everyone is sensitive to MSG, but I thought I should mention it just in case.