Every time my husband's family members come to visit, I go through this, but never feel as though I have a good handle on it.
Although my husband is a good, open, kind person, his family is chock-a-block with racists and homophobes. Their jokes and comments are deeply offensive to me. They seem to be making more of an effort not to do this around me, but they often forget. It's as though it's the most natural thing in the world to hate, and you can't change their stripes.
When I'm a guest in their homes, I just suck it up - after all, it's their castle and they can do & say what they wish. (and yes, I avoid being there) But in my home, I get very bristly, especially in this season of love and light.
What's the best way to calmly, lovingly, non-confrontationally communicate to houseguests, "You can hate all you want in your own house, but keep that sh** to yourself in mine, if you please, or you'll find yourself at the Super 8" ?