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Thread: Commuter marriage stories

  1. #11
    Senior Member
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    Also Anne Lee, I don't know if you and DH had any plans for other things together once the kids were gone but that's something to consider too. If you had planned on an early retirement or travel or whatever (growing a garden you tended together, taking classes at the local Y, building a his and hers outhouse on the back 40, etc...) then taking a job where you couldn't do those things like you planned may really impact your marriage. For example: My Dad and his second wife (not my Mom) had talk for years and planned for years to retire early and travel in an RV around the country. My Dad, who was younger then her, retired at age 55 but she - at almost 60 - kept working even though she had agreed to retire. That went on and on for years until her federal Govmint job basicly forced her to retire at age 75. She then told my Dad she had no interest in travelling and wouldn't leave her home for even an over night stay. So for almost 15 years her waited until she was free to travel - only to find that she didn't really want too. he was very bitter about it and seriously regretted waiting for her.

    Also, I had a similair experience with my own DH - and again another reason we split up. We had both wanted to quit work while youngish (me 42 and him 41) and spend several years travelling around the world on a sailboat. We bought the boat and fixed it up, planned all kinds of interesting routes, etc... and it was something I thought we both really looked forward to. But after he decided to stay in the CG longer - meaning he'd have to transfer to another town & state and go back on a ship that was gone 9 - 11 months a year - those plans were ended. He kept saying lets just wait a few more years, but he had said that for several years already, and I knew that if I stayed in the marriage that he would never stop working or moving from place to place until he was old. And of course he didn't - he's retired from the CG after 24 years in, but still works full time for the CG in a different city, in a job where he is gone all the time. I, of course, went ahead with my plans to take off work at age 42 to travel anyways :-)! No round the world sailboat trips but not too shabby either!

    So if you and DH had plans, and you are putting them off so that you can take a job out of your area, then that may impact the state of your marriage unless he truelly doesn't care. Just my 2 cents - worth less :-)!
    Last edited by Spartana; 2-9-12 at 1:32pm.

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