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Thread: Addicted nephew...

  1. #11
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    Y'all give very good advice. Thank you. He has been kicked out by his mom, and just blew out of his father's house. He's at a friends place... We'll see how long that lasts. He's pretty charming... I am hoping he gets arrested soon, or does choose treatment. So glad I know better than to take him in... though I have a hard time sleeping if I don't know he's safe.

  2. #12
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    Addiction, a sad terrible place to be in life. It affects everyone around the addict and can eat everyone alive. As mentioned above Nar anon or other support groups can be of great support to the loved ones. I hope you and everyone seeks help and your nephew reaches the point where he is open to help. My thoughts are with your loved one and the family, I sadly walked this path (dragged down this path) by my son. The best thing I learned was, I did not Cause it, I can not Control it and I can not Change it....God knows I tried. There is hope, it just is usually found after hitting rock bottom.

  3. #13
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/
    There is so much info here on every topic involved with addiction. SO many helpful people who have/are living through this.

  4. #14
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    Another step has been taken... My nephew went in for an assessment, and is in an outpatient program, on suboxone, and my sister has agreed to house him one night at a time, and on the couch. His room, or as she puts it, his lair, was immediately dismantled after he kicked him out.

    She sets daily expectations and limits for him, and thus far, a week in, it's working. We all know that relapse - for both of them - is likely. She has not really set limits with him before this, so it's a learning curve for her, too. I am staying out of it unless invited in. But I am glad he's in treatment... Hope it sticks.

    Thanks, ctg, for that link! Thanks all for your words... Very very helpful.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctg492 View Post
    http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/
    There is so much info here on every topic involved with addiction. SO many helpful people who have/are living through this.
    I second the motion to explore this site, especially the Friends & Family section, where I used to be quite heavily involved. Wonderful people.
    Trying to live well, have fun, save money, and leave a small footprint http://thegreenhedonist.com

    "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

  6. #16
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by puglogic View Post
    I second the motion to explore this site, especially the Friends & Family section, where I used to be quite heavily involved. Wonderful people.
    Holy cow.. maybe I've "spoken" to some of you guys under a different handle, if you've been posting on that site.

    +3 on the suggestion.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  7. #17
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    Yes Catherine, what I have found out in my quest for information on this terrible event that just about ate me alive is that so many are affected in one way or another, know or love someone or even themselves that are dealing with addiction. It is a ashamed to me that this is kept to under the radar from people, that we carry the burden of it inside. If I had been told what to watch for from real life experiences of those that had been through it, what to do and not do, over the course of my son's addiction I would have been more equipped to deal with how "I" handled "me". I now understand I did not have control of his issues, but my name is Enabler. I would have controlled that in myself and perhaps just perhaps things may have been different.
    I still have told no one in the "real world", perhaps it is not my issue to speak of it is his? I do tell everyone that will read about what happened to my son and my family on the message boards I go to however. I feel if it helps one person who is somehow dealing with it, it was worth it.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    Redfox I am so glad your nephew is starting the long road, one step at a time today!

  9. #19
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctg492 View Post
    Yes Catherine, what I have found out in my quest for information on this terrible event that just about ate me alive is that so many are affected in one way or another, know or love someone or even themselves that are dealing with addiction. It is a ashamed to me that this is kept to under the radar from people, that we carry the burden of it inside. If I had been told what to watch for from real life experiences of those that had been through it, what to do and not do, over the course of my son's addiction I would have been more equipped to deal with how "I" handled "me". I now understand I did not have control of his issues, but my name is Enabler. I would have controlled that in myself and perhaps just perhaps things may have been different.
    I still have told no one in the "real world", perhaps it is not my issue to speak of it is his? I do tell everyone that will read about what happened to my son and my family on the message boards I go to however. I feel if it helps one person who is somehow dealing with it, it was worth it.

    Thanks for sharing that--yes, it's so true that we get so tunnel-visioned by the day-to-day trauma of living with addiction that we lose perspective and NEED someone to tell us like it is. That's what I like about soberrecovery, and Al-Anon.

    Enabling is a tough one to crack.. and if it's a child, I think it has its own challenges. I have a younger brother (really, at 55 he's still really a child), and just the night before last he called me after having spent 5 and half months in a wonderful VA sober house in New Hampshire. He had decided he was bored, and took a Greyhound to Florida and called me in the middle of the night drunk out of his mind, having blown all the money he had saved up in NH. He was asking me for money. I said no. "No" comes easier now (I've been practicing), but I still had a hard time sleeping wondering how in the world he was going to get through the night drunk and without food and shelter. Even though he has landed on his feet every time over the 40 years he has been addicted.

    It's tough. But we have to acknowledge they have their own Higher Power. I don't think my controlling has ever done one blasted thing to help the addicted loved ones in my life. Sometimes my mantra is "It is what it is"
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ctg492 View Post
    Redfox I am so glad your nephew is starting the long road, one step at a time today!
    Thanks... All of us are immersed in the Serenity Prayer moment by moment... I am glad I was an Al-Anon member many years ago... It took awhile for the recall of boundaries & letting go to kick back in, but they have. Being able to vent here was incredibly helpful for me.

    He's a darling young man. I also worry about my sis's health, as her codependency has nearly killed her, both from stress and from suicidal ideation. She's got support, and I hope will be in on his treatment under the eye of specialists.

    Onward! Moment by moment.

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