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Thread: Mental Illness :(

  1. #11
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    I count reading Codependent No More as one of the turning points in my own mental health. In fact, I'm unsure whether I would've gotten to this point had I not been exposed to that thinking; being unaware of my own programming, I was rapidly getting to where my life was untenable. Wonderful suggestion.

    If the household involved substance abuse of any kind when the 24/21 kids were growing up, or even if it didn't, they might benefit hugely from Adult Children of Alcoholics. There are frighteningly common patterns among those who (like myself) grew up in these situations, and lots of confusion around control and caregiving. I used to mod one of the forums here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/#friends-family
    Trying to live well, have fun, save money, and leave a small footprint http://thegreenhedonist.com

    "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

  2. #12
    Senior Member fidgiegirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jennipurrr View Post
    It doesn't seem appropriate for the ex-family members to be involved in the mother's relationships, personal business, treatment, etc.
    I am not really sure who else they have to turn to. Their mom's family is in Illinois, and mom was alienated from them before the divorce, and thus the kids were, too. We can detach the best we can, but I have a feeling they will continue to seek advice/support from at least some of us. Now direct involvement, that won't be happening from our household. Hopefully the others also know that would be a bad, bad thing.

    Thank you for the book suggestions.

    I have a question about Al-Anon. If it's for relatives of alcoholics, how does it help relatives of mental illness? I think I have an idea, but that is a point that's still a little unclear for me. The codependency aspect?

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU all for taking the time to write.
    Kelli

    My gluten free blog: Twin Cities Gluten Free
    Our house remodel blog: Our Fair Abode

  3. #13
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    You guessed it, Kelli. The codependency aspect is important, but to me learning loving detachment was more important, and is directly applicable to your situation. It appears, at least, that there is nothing these kids can do to "save" their mother from her choices at this point. So they can either freak out each time she does, reacting to the successive waves of crazy behavior with craziness of their own, filling their lives with guilt and chaos, OR they can learn how to detach from her choices/actions with love, allowing themselves to feel sad, but not responsible. It's one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but it was so worth it.
    Trying to live well, have fun, save money, and leave a small footprint http://thegreenhedonist.com

    "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."

  4. #14
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    I am sorry. I have had struggles with Loving my son, thinking I could change him, fix the problems, make it all better, end his Addiction which then lead to mental issues. I can sympathize with the children in this situation and the family members. Last fall when it all came to a head and it ususally does I have found out, I got the help and strenght I needed. I found out the Three Cs I did not cause it, I can not control it and I can not change it. When I reached that point and let go to the higher power it was a breath of fresh air.
    I hope the children get the help they need to and your gift of the serenity prayer is a wonderful start. There are many books, support groups and online helps, but only when the person wants to accept can they absorb it.
    Peace to all of you.

    PS my son got his higher power and help when he was ready, he is 6 months clean next week. ODAAT

  5. #15
    Senior Member SiouzQ.'s Avatar
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    Not to hijack the thread, but that's so good to hear, ctg492! I know and went through all those same feelings of helplessness and hopelessness with my daughter, who celebrated a year clean and sober back in January.

  6. #16
    Senior Member fidgiegirl's Avatar
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    ctg, how great.

    Where are the 3 Cs from? From a book, or common wisdom? Love them. Easy to remember, easy to make into a mantra.
    Kelli

    My gluten free blog: Twin Cities Gluten Free
    Our house remodel blog: Our Fair Abode

  7. #17
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    I learned through a breaking the Enableling cycle course. I believe it it from al anon. I am well on my way if not passed the Enableling Cycle!

    SiouzQ balloons and cake and happy thoughts sending your way to your daughter!!!! You too. From a fellow lower Mi Mom.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ctg492's Avatar
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    Puglogic posted a great site, sift through and use want you. It was totally one of the most helpful sites for me on the web, when I needed to realize what I needed to change in myself.

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