Small Talk - Can't Do It, Hate It

[Sissy]

Then there's small talk's obnoxious mean girl big sister--gossip. Sometimes harmless, often not. My beloved meets neighborhood pals every morning for coffee, then fills me in later on the lives of people I don't know, will never know, don't want to know...Sometimes I call him on it, but more often I listen. The odd couple.

Jane that is so my situation, too. And his info is not always correct. I pretty much tune it out because he likes to talk to hear his head rattle! Sometimes, tho, if irritates me no end!!!!!

[catherine]

In thinking about this more, I think I make a distinction between small talk and small-minded talk.

Small talk is just a pleasant, benign way to get to know someone and make gentle connections. I like that kind of small talk. It's fun to hear people's stories, and get to learn about them a little and share little things that will make for fun, pleasant chat.

Small-minded talk is another whole thing that I HATE: and that would include gossip and ego-infested blether.

[mtnlaurel]

In thinking about this more, I think I make a distinction between small talk and small-minded talk.

Small talk is just a pleasant, benign way to get to know someone and make gentle connections. I like that kind of small talk. It's fun to hear people's stories, and get to learn about them a little and share little things that will make for fun, pleasant chat.

Small-minded talk is another whole thing that I HATE: and that would include gossip and ego-infested blether.

+1

[Lainey]

I agree also, catherine. Especially in settings where you expect to see people on a regular basis, e.g. at work, it doesn't hurt to have a brief exchange with someone about their home improvement project, or their sick pet, or last night's big game. I also feel like this type of small talk builds an emotional bank so that when asking for or granting favors, it's different than when you're approached by a colleague who's a virtual stranger.

[pony mom]

I've always been shy but as I've gotten older, I've become a chatterbox. I've also gotten pretty good at small talk----I can start up a conversation with anyone about anything. It started when I began my massage career and I wanted my client to feel at ease. They don't know me, a total stranger who will be touching their body, and they may feel a bit uncomfortable.

The more you talk to people you don't know, the more you find you have in common with them. Almost everyone is interesting.

[DarkStar]

I'm not very good with small talk, but I'm getting better. I've always been shy, and I'm trying to break out of that a bit. I do work at it, especially if I'm in a situation with someone I think I'd like to know better. Before I think I had a habit of leaving most of the conversation up to them - now I try to be a little more proactive about coming up with topics to talk about.

It does seems to be easier to come up with things to talk about when I'm doing a shared activity with someone than when I'm in a purely social setting, like a party.

[domestic goddess]

I think a certain amount of small talk (not the small-minded variety) greases the wheels of community. It doesn't have to be a long drawn-out production, just a matter of showing gentle interest in someone else's life. "How are the kids?" needn't be intrusive. I bet most people know when someone has children, and you don't have to mention the child's drug problem or latest DUI arrest. But asking a generic, open-ended question can give a parent the chance to mention something they are proud of their child for, and sometimes parents sorely need that.