What is your old age plan?

[cjones]

My plan is to remain flexible.

There is no way that I, healthy at the age of 53, can determine what my needs will be when I am 80. Maybe I will be like my mother, living independently in my own home and taking classes at the local University. Maybe, I will need to take a taxi to get my groceries because my vision is too poor to drive and my hip replacement prevents me from walking long distances. Maybe, I will be dead and cremated by then.

As long as I have my wits, I will figure out what the best situation for my physical circumstances is and act accordingly. If I get dementia, I have told my kids to toss me in the nearest nursing home, because being 24/7 caregiver to a person with dementia is an exhausting thing....and I won't know where I am anyway.

I do not worry about it a bit. I am frugal and I have some savings. I could live on SS alone. If that goes belly up, I could live on my retirement accounts alone. If that goes belly up, I could live off my savings.

I will not be moving into an assisted living facility. They are very expensive for what they provide (no nurse on site) and there is not near enough privacy (some of them do not even let you pick who is at your dining table.)

I also will not get long-term care insurance. As others have noted above, the premiums are very high when you move into the age range that you might actually need it and people tend to need nursing homes for either 1) short-term stay to recover from surgery/stroke while getting physical therapy or 2) long-term stay related to dementia. If I need to go to facility because I have dementia, my kids will pay for it out of my money till that's all gone, then the state will pay for it.

Most of what you're saying is exactly what I think too---except for the worry part! (I do worry!) I think you're absolutely right about Long Term Care Insurance.

I think what can be hard to navigate is when your situation isn't so cut-and-dried. Many people have needs for care that quickly outstrip their financial resources, yet they are still alert and aware--and for these people a nursing home can be a terrible place to be.

I think you're right--no one can predict exactly what will happen. I try to take good care of my health and save my money, but I still wake up at night terrified. NOT the best use of my life energy!!

[awakenedsoul]

Have you (and your siblings) mentioned that to mom and dad? It took us quite a while to make it clear to our parents (both sides) that we appreciated their thinking of us, but that we'd rather keep memories than heirlooms. We've identified one item we'd want from each mom (both dads have passed on) and they can sell/give to our siblings/donate whatever else they want. Just easier on everyone rather than parents keeping stuff they think the kids want when the kids would just as soon not deal with it in the first place.

I've asked my mom to go through her stuff and donate what she doesn't use. I've told her that it's unfair to leave all of this for her kids to sort through...she keeps shopping. She has many compulsive behaviors and is used to having other people, (husband, housekeeper, massage therapist,) do things for her. She is an alcoholic and on 23 prescription drugs, so it is unlikely she'll change...

[sweetana3]

Gardenarian, I felt invincible until I had my first arthritis flareup in a knee when 58. Hurt so bad I told the doctor he could cut it off. We fixed that but it was a wake up call. Strong bones but weak joints.

We figure another 10 years and stairs will be out. I would rather get a one level home than have knee replacement surgery. If there is an alternative.

[SteveinMN]

[QUOTE=awakenedsoul;86950]

I've asked my mom to go through her stuff [snip] ...she keeps shopping. She has many compulsive behaviors and is used to having other people, (husband, housekeeper, massage therapist,) do things for her. She is an alcoholic and on 23 prescription drugs, so it is unlikely she'll change...

My sympathies. I figured you had asked at least once; I know it took many mentions for our parents to believe it, but the only drivers for them were being "Depression babies" and social custom. I guess, come the time, you can have someone come in and run an estate sale for you.... (sorry, I'm a guy; I always try to "fix" things)

[reader99]

I've asked my mom to go through her stuff and donate what she doesn't use. I've told her that it's unfair to leave all of this for her kids to sort through...she keeps shopping. She has many compulsive behaviors and is used to having other people, (husband, housekeeper, massage therapist,) do things for her. She is an alcoholic and on 23 prescription drugs, so it is unlikely she'll change...

When my mother died I was in poor health and couldn't cope, even with her perfectly normal complement of household stuff. I took out the obvious heirlooms and a couple of useful things, hired an auction house which came in and took everything out, left the house broom clean and sent me a check for the proceeds minus their fee. They dropped off things like Kleenex at a women's shelter and sold all the furniture and furnishings. For me that was a very simple and easy solution.

[iris lily]

When my mother died I was in poor health and couldn't cope, even with her perfectly normal complement of household stuff. I took out the obvious heirlooms and a couple of useful things, hired an auction house which came in and took everything out, left the house broom clean and sent me a check for the proceeds minus their fee. They dropped off things like Kleenex at a women's shelter and sold all the furniture and furnishings. For me that was a very simple and easy solution.

reader, I think that's a slick solution when it works. I think that it may not work for many many people because

1) They expect to get every last bleeding dime they can get for the stuff which pretty much means they have to hawk it themselves for "retail" price

2) Many seniors die with stuff that is not worth the auction house even taking any of it, let alone cleaning up the place to end with a profit for survivors.

When my friend and neighbor was killed by her husband and the husband hauled off to jail, her relatives called in more than one Estate Sale company but none of them wanted the sale, there just wasn't enough stuff for them to make a profit.

But I think that you are smart to have done that and to view it as a good thing. That's what I would have done, too, had we not been able to clean out my mother's place gradually over many years.

[awakenedsoul]

My sympathies. I figured you had asked at least once; I know it took many mentions for our parents to believe it, but the only drivers for them were being "Depression babies" and social custom. I guess, come the time, you can have someone come in and run an estate sale for you.... (sorry, I'm a guy; I always try to "fix" things)

Yes, it's too bad. But, my brother is in charge of all that, so I don't know what he will do when the time comes. Maybe an estate sale, like you said. The thing is, they have inherited some very valuable antiques, silver, and jewelry. Hopefully it won't all go to waste. I just shop at thrift shops and don't worry about it. I did talk with my mom today, though. I told her that I had made arrangements to donate my body to science when I die. They pay for the funeral expenses and cremation. I also told her that I was decluttering everything so that when the time comes, whoever has to go through my things can have it all done easily in one day. I'm trying to have things half full, instead of bursting at the seams! I pointed out that I get so many useful things at the Salvation Army, and it makes me feel good to donate to them so I know it goes to someone who really needs it.

[Bronxboy]

She is an alcoholic and on 23 prescription drugs, so it is unlikely she'll change...

Awakened, I'm very sorry to hear about your mom's situation. I have become so skeptical about multiple prescription drugs in recent years. Every doctor piles on a couple of more, and nobody looks at the big picture. Insurance companies could actually do some good if they required the involvement of a consulting pharmacist at 8 or 10.

Is one of those drugs called Mirapex? It has compulsive behavior as a side effect.

http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2010/...restless-legs/

[awakenedsoul]

Awakened, I'm very sorry to hear about your mom's situation. I have become so skeptical about multiple prescription drugs in recent years. Every doctor piles on a couple of more, and nobody looks at the big picture. Insurance companies could actually do some good if they required the involvement of a consulting pharmacist at 8 or 10.

Is one of those drugs called Mirapex? It has compulsive behavior as a side effect.

http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2010/...restless-legs/

Thanks Bronxboy. I don't know. She was on several prescription drugs when she was pregnant with me. She was seeing three different doctors and taking all the medication. (unbeknownst to them.) She was also anorexic while pregnant with me. She's always been compulsive. She cleaned the entire house every single day. (with four kids!) She would tan for hours at a time....it was really bizarre. (Even if it was cold outside.)

It's funny though, because of it, I never got into drugs or drinking. There was no mystery for me. I was very turned off of all that from birth. I was lucky to have an excellent dance school nearby. I poured myself into that and had a fabulous career because of it. I also studied yoga and healing and have helped a lot of people heal their injuries and problems through alternative methods. (30 years of teaching.)

I agree with you about all the prescribing of medication. Look at Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson. Highly talented, artistic, sensitive people seem to be more prone to abusing these substances. It's strange that the doctors aren't more responsible. I think they are highly addictive and that the patients are not in their right mind. They become totally reliant on the doctor. It's also big business. Huge profits...She's also had numerous surgeries.

[mm1970]

I've asked my mom to go through her stuff and donate what she doesn't use. I've told her that it's unfair to leave all of this for her kids to sort through...she keeps shopping. She has many compulsive behaviors and is used to having other people, (husband, housekeeper, massage therapist,) do things for her. She is an alcoholic and on 23 prescription drugs, so it is unlikely she'll change...

I'm so sorry to hear that. My mother was the same way, except maybe only 15-20 pills. She died in December, basically gave up and with all the drugs and alcohol, her organs all started failing.

There's no stuff to sort through, because my stepdad is still living.

When my father died, my sister (the executor) told us at his "wake" (the siblings basically went to his house and drank beer and ate) that we could take what we wanted but everything else was going to be donated or thrown out by a service. That worked for us. Of course, he was the opposite of your mom, never shopped. That means most of his stuff wasn't worth saving at all.